Running on empty

Posted on April 9, 2021 by admin

I was so mentally tired yesterday after battling with a difficult edit…I hate editing pieces from this particular xxx country. I always spend the entire day fixing their copies, fact-checking, etc. By 6 pm, I turned on my email auto reply that says it’s public holiday and I will be back on Monday. I usually do that to fend off the journos from this xxx country who have no sense of personal space. They did that last week when I was on holiday. I already have that auto reply and still they message me on MS Teams… 🤦🏻‍♀️

To help me destress, I turned to my sewing and finished my curtains for my own room. Hooray! Only three panels left to sew for the windows in the living room.

*My hand-sewn curtains in my bedroom. Photo by CallMeCreation.com*

Since the curtains are now a bit thicker, hopefully my cats will be deterred from turning into Spidercats and climb up to the windows.

*My 10-year-old cross-stitch project. Photo by CallMeCreation.com*

To take a break from my curtain project, I took out my Mother and Infant cross-stitch project that I started when I was pregnant with my girls. A decade ago. Since I have more time now, I think I can finally finish this. I have a lot of finished cross-stitch projects that I need to have framed.

I’m going to see a pulmonologist today so I can be issued a medical certificate that says I have chronic respiratory disease. Good luck to me, I will be exposing myself to all things I can catch at the polyclinic near my apartment. 🙄

Still no sign of Duterte. Of course Bong Go posted some proof of life, as usual.

If he’s still in Davao and not in a private room in a hospital in Singapore, why are the curtains drawn?

#NasaanAngPangulo(where is the president) #PatayNaBa (is he dead?) are trending for two days now.

Everyday is a battle

Posted on March 31, 2021 by admin

We’re on the third day of ECQ a.k.a. No One Leaves the House. It’s dragging me down mentally and emotionally. I couldn’t bike or walk outside the 6-9 am window because I’m a nocturnal creature so I wake up late. I tried exercising every morning a couple of years ago but I always end up tired by midday, which is hard for me when I need full concentration during writing or editing. So now I’m stuck.

I haven’t had any in-person intelligent adult conversation in weeks. This is driving me nuts. I just want to randomly call friends but I know I would just be a nuisance to them so I haven’t done it. Been ranting about this government on Twitter for God knows how long. It’s maddening. I must stop doom-scrolling in the next few days to ease the tension in my mind and body.

I had been sick the past few days; it’s probably psychosomatic. Probably too high gastric acids due to stress. I just woke up with this gut-wrenching stomach pain that I associate with hyperacidity, an affliction I haven’t experienced again since 2014 when I had my gall bladder removed. Following that stomachache on Monday was the debilitating diarrhea that left me weak and almost dehydrated.

But I had to work yesterday. I edited one story and wrote one story as well. The day before I did an hour-long interview despite the pain and overall weakness that I felt.

Again, thank God for cats. They’re my stress-relievers. It’s also a constant battle to keep Kimchi from climbing the curtains and going up the windows and the shelves.

*Kimchi up again on the shelf. Photo by CallMeCreation.com*

Despite that, they’re good company and they always crave my presence and always beg to be let in my room and just lie on the floor to be with me. For them, I am their mommy.

*Sushi keeping me company while I sew curtains to replace the ones destroyed by her sister. Photo by CallMeCreation.com*

Thank you for keeping me busy

Posted on March 3, 2021 by admin

*My cats trying to share the beer with me while I attend one press conference. Photo by CallMeCreation.com*

My world has turned upside down. I used to look forward to the weekends because I can get off work. These days I dread the weekend because it leaves my brain idle…and against my own volition I just find myself walking down the memory lane. Then become haunted by his ghost and I go back to that cruel cycle of losing sleep and being unbalanced again.

So thank you, Lord, for making me busy these days because that leaves me little time to think about anything else.

So like today, I edited a couple of stories in the morning then had back-to-back virtual press conferences/webinars. It drains my brain but it’s better than having an active brain at night. To survive the busy day, I had one can of beer to stimulate my brain and keep me company instead of coffee. I can’t sleep these days if I drink coffee.

The downside of being busy is that I wasn’t able to have my exercise (either bike or walkathon) in UP.

It’s unfair that I get to be like this while he doesn’t fucking care if I’m still alive and he is able to enjoy life like nothing happened. He is sleeping with somebody else now while I have developed a revulsion toward anybody outside my circle of friends because everyone else is not to be trusted. As The Script sang, you don’t get breakeven in breakups. One of you will suffer more.

I wish events and meetings can be face-to-face again so I can be busier and won’t have mental space for anything else. So I won’t have to drink beer while attending press conferences because coffee keeps me up all night.

I want my sleep back.

Pledge

Posted on January 11, 2021 by admin

*My battlestation. Photo by CallMeCreation.com*

Today I will be a badass journalist.

I had never been enough to anybody. So I promise myself I will never be pathetic again.

No one will come close to hurt me again.

No more looking back. Bawal maging marupok, nakamamatay.

Pull your shit together

Posted on December 29, 2020 by admin

*My work from home setup. Photo by CallMeCreation.com*

Bought myself a new 24″ monitor (a Lenovo for PHP 6,800), the one he was thinking of purchasing a few weeks ago. Prices online and in Greenhills aren’t that different so I opted to go to Greenhills instead of twiddling my thumbs for a week waiting for my Lazada purchase. I have a low EQ so I braved COVID and the crowd. I pulled out an old extra 20″ Dell monitor to have dual screens so I can be more productive.

Gotta pull my shit together. Be more productive and just work my ass off.

My personal life is crap right now but that doesn’t give me the license to mess up in my professional life. Besides, how do journalists even have personal lives anyway? I used to live this way: news, news, news, and chasing more news. I ate and breathed news. Maybe I should get back to that life; at least it loves me back.

Oo, nasa ampalaya stage na ako.

Infrastructure envy

Posted on September 24, 2019 by admin

Train from BNI City to Jakarta international airport. This photo is owned by callmecreation.com and can be found on Instagram

*Life took over so this post is several months late*

I had major infrastructure envy when I was leaving Jakarta to go back to Manila in July.

Let me start off with this: I technically stayed there for 48 hours since my MNL-JKT-MNL flights were red-eye trips. Getting a taxi during rush hour in Jakarta is a pain when using ride hailing apps. It’s more painful when hailing ordinary taxis off the streets because they don’t speak nor understand English. I was at the mercy of the hotel staff, who also could barely speak English, to get me a taxi to take me to BNI City to take the express train to the airport.

To my pleasant surprise, their terminal looked like a mall

This photo is owned by callmecreation.com and can be found on @callmecreation on Instagram

Waiting for the train is not a miserable experience too. It’s airconditioned, not crowded, and it’s clean. Although it’s tough to pay for tickets because cash is seldom used.