Category Archives: on the job

Coward

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Bongbong Marcos won’t attend forum for presidential bets, says KBP prexy

FILE PHOTO: Ferdinand “Bongbong” Marcos Jr. INQUIRER FILES

He has never participated in any public forum that is not scripted or not assured that he would be coddled. Because he is a stupid coward who does not have anything to say. Because he is an empty, drug-addled vessel.

And his social media trolls will just demonize media and blame us for our biases.

How do we battle these devils of disinformation and lies? How do we convince voters that he shouldn’t lead us? How how how how???

I want to raze the Philippines to the ground if he wins. OMG that would be a nightmare.

Meanwhile, my doctor said we will be going back to once every three nights of alprazolam because of my sleeping issues. She says a lot of her patients who had Covid still have sleep problems, too. I can take melatonin in-between to help me get my sleeping hours back to normal again. It is really affecting my productivity.

I told her it feels like I’m operating in a different timezone.

She was alarmed when I told her that I always get awakened at 3 am or 5 am despite sleeping at 2 am and that time a week or two ago when I slept at 7 am because I was really struggling with falling asleep even without triggers. I told her I don’t understand why I have this problem when I no longer feel the same kind of J-triggered anxiety like before or I don’t have anxiety like I used to. Despite what I wrote yesterday, I slept undisturbed until 7:30 am last night until this morning because I was on alprazolam. I wasn’t triggered. Before, my sleep was very disturbed even after taking alprazolam because/whenever I got triggered. So this is an improvement.

So there you go, I’m still on tranquilizers when I’m supposed to be off it by now and only the antidepressant escitalopram is supposed to remain. *sigh* So the whole of February is trying to be normal and hopefully by March I’m back on Singapore/Manila timezone (GMT 8+).

Here are my colleagues who are with me during my zombie moments:

Cat and Chonky cat. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Speaking of colleagues, I chatted with my outgoing APAC boss (who is supposed to be on terminal leave since yesterday) and told me she already submitted to the global head the promotions and raises for colleagues I recommended, and for mine as well.

Then the incoming APAC boss told me that I don’t have to be in Singapore. Yey. So I just have to wait for the call from the global office about my appointment and my manager’s reassignment to HQ. Once these become official, I will start planning trips to markets where there are no quarantine requirements (Thailand comes to mind). I have yet to wait for Singapore to welcome tourists from Manila. I really have no idea how our new office looks like as I was told we have transferred to a new building, several train stations away from our last office, ergo, different zip code.

We have also transferred buildings in Hong Kong. With the way things are in HK right now (zero-covid policy), I doubt if I would be flying there in the next 24 months.

Our old HK office. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
The ampao that my former APAC boss gave my girls for 2019 Lunar New Year. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

To cap this unproductive day, here’s Florence Welch of Florence + The Machine. If God would grant me a great voice, I would ask Him for Florence’s or Anne Wilson’s of Heart.

Hopefully the dog days are over.

Almost real carbonara

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Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I cooked carbonara for dinner last night using the near-authentic recipe. I didn’t have the Italian guanciale so I used the closest thing: pork that is used to make bacon.

I fried the pork in its own fat while I whisked 4 eggs with hard cheddar cheese (I didn’t have a block of parmesan; I had mozzarella but that’s too soft). When the pork fat was rendered, I turned the heat down and combined the spaghetti with the pork and coated it with the little oil that came out. When everything was coated, I turned off the heat and added the eggs with cheese. I made sure the eggs did not curdle and come out like scrambled eggs. When the egg-cheese combination made the pasta creamy, I immediately served it to my waiting customers.

They liked it. It’s less heavy compared to the bastardized version of carbonara with cream, butter and bell peppers.

Add ground pepper for a little bit of ooomph.

Later, I played this on my mobile phone:

Because I wanted to be brainless.

I have two analysis pieces to rewrite 🤦🏻‍♀️. And couple of more leads to follow up. My poaching of journos are always unsuccessful. Either they’re jumping to VC firms or they just wanna stay put because chasing deals from USD 5m to infinity is not their cup of tea.

It’s hard to recruit people in non-English-speaking markets!!!

One of these days I’ll turn to RPGs to decompress. Buy a Nintendo Switch and play Legend of Zelda.

Or live in Anilao and jump into the sea when I feel stressed.

WTF! It’s 6 am and I’m still awake. How am I going to work today?!

I need to sleeeeeep. 😴

Daylight. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Refreshing

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woman filling job application form in office with boss
Photo by Sora Shimazaki on Pexels.com

I did an interview this morning with a CEO of a private equity firm and it was a refreshing one-hour conversation about investment strategies, industry talk–all the things that other people don’t care about but I find interesting. It pulled me out of this funk that I am in and this made me want to write the story immediately. But I had to attend to more pressing matters first (like pending edits and emails).

His story of why he is doing what he is doing and what made him start was inspiring. He said it started with curiosity and having the guts to jump into a plane and see what was out there. He believes more in the gut feel of an entrepreneur than the dictates of the “guys in a suit” (a.k.a. the MBAs, the finance guys).

This what keeps me going. The stories. The good stories.

Ok there’s a breaking story that I had to react to and I had to email a couple of people regarding this breaking news. I might be writing late into the night because of this.

So this CEO was telling me, it’s curiosity that propelled him to become an entrepreneur–which is so far from his background of bio-engineering from MIT. Meanwhile, it is my natural curiosity and need for answers that propelled me to become a journalist. The same traits but different paths. He became rich while I’m still a “starving artist”. Would I have it any other way? I don’t know. Maybe I won’t be as happy. It’s my creative passions that move me while this other person is moved by the art of deal-making and proving a point.

It’s the breaking stories (like the one I mentioned above) that keep my adrenaline pumping. I’m completely wired differently and maybe that’s what frustrates other people.

Geez, here I am, working on US Eastern time again, firing away emails at almost 9 pm. Being an annoying journalist at weird hours. Working some stuff that would allow me to fly to Bangkok in July. IF I CAN.

Inequities

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Photo of an 80-year-old man named Narding Floro who was arrested after he allegedly stole mangoes from his neighbor. (PIO Asingan via The STAR)

Here they arrest a grandpa for allegedly stealing mangoes that he thought was still within their property.

The elderly man identified as Narding “Lolo Narding” Floro told the authorities that he only picked the mangoes because he thought it was part of their property, according to the report of the public information office of Asingan town in Pangasinan.

InterAksyon/Philippine Star

And yet they have to arrest any of the Marcoses who were convicted of various crimes to humanity. I want to give up on this country and leave but I couldn’t. There are those like this grandpa that needed to be heard.

I just received a Twitter direct message from a professor seeking my help (and other journalists in Southeast Asia) seeking publicity because Thailand (or government-linked entities in Thailand) had doxxed and hacked into all his family’s devices because his university did not like where his research was going. Even now that he is no longer in Thailand, his devices and all his electronic footprints were still being monitored and hacked. He claims expats and Bangkok-based journalists will not speak out (“they are obviously protecting lifestyle” he says) on his behalf.

This just highlights people’s need for their voices to be heard through journalists. This guy even went out to seek journalists outside Thailand, a country that isn’t really known to have a free press, being under military rule for so many years.

Even though I cover a different beat, my reputation as a journalist gives me credence to whatever issue I can raise or whatever I write–when I am fighting for the truth and against the injustices experienced by my countrymen. I can easily shift to covering such things when I’m no longer tied. Or whatever.

I don’t know what I’m trying to drive at…

What I’m trying to say is, I want to stay here in this fucked up country. Because of the reason above.

So I think I would have to be ready to give up the promotion if they force me to transfer to Singapore.

I also cannot really raise two children alone without my support system. Simple children’s illnesses will become domestic and professional disasters because I will be by my lonesome. And my company insurance doesn’t cover family. Foreigners in Singapore have to fork out huge sums if not insured because they’re not covered by the national insurance system of Singapore. A single visit to the clinic can set you back SGD 100 (my colleague said) and my kids are asthmatic, so it may have to cost more than that.

I’m on tenterhooks right now. I’m still waiting for that Call. It’s keeping me from moving forward with my personal plans.

Labor

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Writing a longish article today was super laborious that it felt like giving birth. I wanted to crack my head on the table just to get things going.

And I have three more articles to go. Why I’m in a rut like this again?! 🤦🏻‍♀️

I need to go out.

Where will I go? Yesterday we logged 37k new cases. People around my apartment are coughing. My other neighbors caught the omicron bug.

I need to drive tomorrow. Writer’s block again.

Earlier tonight I was able to open my Shutterfly account, which is a repository of all my digital photos in the early 2000s. And I saw these:

My sister just called him Baby so the name stuck. He was our cat who stayed with my dad in his room when he died in his sleep. He didn’t leave my dad until my brother came. He was such a beautiful cat. A week after my dad was cremated, this cat just ran away.

He reminds me of my fat cat, Kimchi, who currently has an infection on her right eye (see the pink rims?). It’s such a labor of love catching her and restraining her so that we can give her eye drops at least twice a day. She’s such a grumpy cat.

Happy

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Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’m in this weird situation where I’m happy with the now. I don’t know why but I am. The photo above is how my room looked like before sleeping. It makes me happy. I’m comfortable, rested, and a bit stress-free. I don’t have any ambition now professionally or I’m already in this state where I can just take whatever comes my way. That I may be done chasing and going up the ladder.

My cousin, who’s a journalist in New York, emailed me that her friend’s friend works for National Geographic and is looking for a Philippines-based freelancer to contribute. I would have loved the chance to contribute there! NatGeo was the reason why I wanted to go into science/environmental journalism. However, given the work load that I have and I am moving up, I have to give it a pass and give the gig to a friend. And I was fine with that. Years ago I would have kicked myself for letting an opportunity like this pass. But maybe I’m already satisfied with life? I don’t know. Maybe I don’t have anything to prove anymore? Let’s just say, if that is meant for me, it will come my way again when I am less tied up. I have to balance things and my priority is my day job because it provides for my family. I cannot stretch myself too thinly and make a mess of my day job and the dream gig.

One day.

I’m still stabilizing myself. Recovering from a life-changing heartbreak is not easy. I have to take it easy and not be too greedy.

But I’m happy that I’m in this position now that I can choose and say no to a dream gig. That’s quite something. The power to choose.