Category Archives: mommy matters

28 days without a car

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Yup, it’s almost a month since I went out of my 4-km radius. To make matters worse, it has been raining so I couldn’t ride the bike to go anywhere. Physically yes, I can bike under the rain but I don’t want to risk getting sick before I am to leave the country for the first time since July 2019 (Jakarta).

I can last a month without seeing other people. 🤔 The introverted side of me is ok with that.

So today I’m just stuck here as usual and I’m cleaning out my refrigerator so I’m using the last bit of ingredients in my pantry before I do another big shop.

Tonkatsu rice bowl with egg. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I made tonkatsu, which turned out good because I finally figured out how to do double frying as I’ve seen from Imamu’s Room Youtube channel. My kids loved it because it was crunchy and I seasoned the meat last night so the meat was savory. Since I don’t have mentsuyu to cook the pork with the egg, so I just made a runny sunny-side up fried egg to top my rice bowl. I paired this with miso soup with kombu.

For dinner, I made ramen and eggplant tempura and eggplant fritters.

Garlic pork tonkatsu ramen. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Eggplant tempura and eggplant fritters. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’m down to my last vegetable dish tomorrow (sauteed squash with string beans) and I’m thinking whether I should add coconut milk and a bit of chili flakes since I don’t have sambal. Oh, I should remember to buy sambal and bak kut teh spices when I shop in Singapore. (*Makes a mental note*) I should haul my ass out of this house tomorrow to shop for fresh veggies.

Cooking is some kind of stress-reliever for me—as long as I don’t have to do the wash up after.

Next year when it will just be the three of us, I would be batch cooking and probably supplement it by hiring my mom’s cook on weekends. (Ate C and I agreed that I would be releasing her from my employment and I will just finance her last year in college as my scholar with the usual monthly allowance, her tuition, and other school expenses. She would be staying with her sister until she finishes college. It’s just for a year). Imamu’s Room and Nami on Youtube have tutorials on how to prep bento lunches–packed meals for my girls and prepared lunches for me because I’m too busy with work to bother cooking during weekdays.

I will buy a robo-vacuum for daily cleaning and hire my mom’s bi-weekly cleaning lady for general cleaning during weekends. Besides, it wouldn’t be that hard to clean a 52-sqm apartment. The girls are already folding and putting away clean laundry as part of their daily chores and I would start them now with doing their own laundry with our automatic washing machine. How hard can it be?

The only thing that I dread doing starting next year is the daily litter box cleaning, because my critters are useless 🙄. When you are owned by a cat, you clean up after them for life. That is a fact.

Yup, I couldn’t lie on my bed because they have already commandeered it. I adjust 😂. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

We are in a scarier environment now with the China credit crunch unraveling further. While US economists/pundits are debating whether they are already in recession, China logs the slowest YoY growth in eons, registering 0.4% growth in 2Q22. Then here comes the threat of end-buyers/homebuyers not paying their loans because housing projects couldn’t proceed as real estate companies suffer from the Evergrande fallout.

China’s real estate sector is grappling with a crisis that has seen developers squeezed by eye-watering levels of debt, sparking a string of bond defaults among major groups including Shimao and China Evergrande — the world’s most indebted developer with about $300 billion in liabilities.

This is like the US subprime crisis of 2007-2008, just a different flavor and shown with subtitles.

When the world’s two largest economies are hobbling, then not far behind is probably the Great Financial Crisis 2.0. We are going to see a domino effect that could further weigh down emerging markets like ours, which are already suffering from sky-high prices of goods and services. I’ve been editing a number of stories that point to tightening of belts and external funding already coming in trickles. Soon the tap will be turned off for the time being as market chaos reigns. Huge valuation differences and forex issues (especially for the Philippines, which saw its currency weakening from 53 to 56 in just 30 days) are holding up deals.

This is a tough year; next year would be horrible.

I should move quickly and have my house up before December so if there is some kind of financial fuck-up that may happen, being homeless will be the least of my problems. I have logged a lot of paper losses from my investments and I’m kicking myself for not shifting my pure equity funds last year into fixed income because I was too lazy. I’ll just treat this market rout into a buying opportunity.

We should treat food insecurity with self-sufficiency and generosity. I will plant an edible garden and alongside that is encouraging people to do the same. A half kilo of minced meat and eggs with lots of vegetables go a long way for food-insecure families.

I’m holding everything with bated breath.

16th day without a car

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My officemate sleeping on the job. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

So today my foul mood is gone and the other effects of the booster shot. Was busy fulfilling my duty as an underpaid manager; so with that thought, I took a break and slept for 3 hours this afternoon before trying to draft another story. An underpaid manager is entitled to all the breaks she deserved, right?

Had a good session with my shrink earlier this evening. She could see that I’m in a better place now and told her my realizations. “I don’t know if this is the antidepressant talking but I’m good,” I told her.

Just like any good doctor would do, she is dialing down my dosage to half tablet every night for a month, then half a tablet every other night for another month before my consultation with her in September. She said she just couldn’t pull it out altogether; we need to have my body/brain adjust to the changes before we pull out the antidepressant completely.

But still no coffee. 😑

Healing on my own, without going into a rebound relationship, is sweet. It was hard but it was for the best and I’m reaping the benefits. I congratulate myself for being brave and strong. It was a slow and arduous process but I made it. I never thought I could but here I am. ❤️

I asked Twin I how she would feel if I started seeing other people. She said she’s ok as long as he likes them. I said that is the top criteria for me, that he should love them as he loves me. It’s a tall order but there is zero compromise there. My daughter hugged me and said, thank you, Mommy.

I felt guilty. They had faced so much rejection from the men in my life that I feel like I didn’t prioritize them and I’m just too wrapped up with myself and my personal happiness that I neglected their welfare.

Not this time.

You don’t like them? Then I don’t like you. Go away. You don’t deserve to have a life with me.

They’re my life.

I will start applying for SKorea visa right after my Singapore trip. I would be there for at least two weeks before things get really cold there. I’m meeting a PE executive in their office as they are gearing up for a SPAC listing in the US for one of its portfolio companies. I would be meeting some lawyers as well as there are lot of things going on there with Vietnam and the rest of Southeast Asia. Maybe I can work for a week or less and then take off a week to go around. There’s always Google translate. 😂 I’m also meeting up with a friend there who would help me navigate. Besides, half of the fun of traveling is getting lost. 🤣

My Singapore trip, on the other hand, is packed and I don’t think I would be able to meet all the people I need to talk to. Even my dinner with my lifelong friend who works as BD in a law firm there would have to be carefully planned. 😶 I wonder if I would still have the energy to go around to see people outside work. I hope the company just wouldn’t instantly pull me to host one of the panel discussions there just like what they did to me in one of our conferences a few years ago. That was nerve-wracking.

I could stay longer but I’m not that enticed to do that. I don’t know why but staying there for more than 8 days would make me go nuts. It’s just too confining for me. That’s one of the reasons why I was also not that hot about transferring there, aside from the regular 30% jump in rental rates because of the increasing transplants from Hong Kong. My colleague-friend told me she has to move from her studio again because of the skyrocketing rent. That’s just bad; she would have to room again with others in an HDB. So on a net basis, I’m doing better here compared if we lived there and I get to own my home. Rent there would just gnaw into my subconsciousness. Regular trips to Singapore would just suffice. Living in the Philippines is like living with somebody with a bipolar disorder but you just have to get used to it. It’s home.

But Scotland sounds nice and my friend is near to convincing me of that. 😂

14th day without a car

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I didn’t want to think about what to serve my kids for brunch so I opted for the easiest, which is omurice with leftwovers combined to make fried rice. We’re supposed to go to the health center of a nearby barangay for my 2nd booster shot later in the day.

Omurice. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Surprisingly it was easier to book Grab today. Probably because our destinations are all nearby.

Coming back from the barangay health center. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Unfortunately for the girls, the booster shots for their age group haven’t been approved yet. So they just had to settle for a trip to the salon to fix their disastrous haircuts.

Twin I with a better haircut. She’s quite happy. Photo by her.

We had an early dinner at the nearby Vietnamese restaurant because I was feeling sick after the booster and was not in the mood to cook.

Pho and fried spring rolls. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I took a nap after this as I was already aching all over, my head was pounding and that my eyelids were ready to shut. I thought the booster #2 would be easier. Nope, I was still feeling sick despite having 4 vax shots now.

Meanwhile, my journalist group chat has been discussing that the Imelda Marcos-style living is back in Malacanang, without any regard for the citizens who are suffering from high prices and struggling with high transportation costs or the lack of means of transportation.

It will be a very long 6 years.

Right now I’m not in the mood to be sociable and I just want to shut myself in my room. The girls are going to be fetched by their dad in a few minutes. I’m so irritated with the world today. People think that just because you’re responding to them, they can just take you for granted.

I’m tired of it. It happens again and again. So no, I choose myself this time. Goodbye.

More than what we have bargained for

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So we went to UP riding our bikes to buy vegetables. We are now on stage One Entire Week of Being Carless.

Water break. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Everything was going well even though we went out at almost noon, so there was danger that we will get fried.

Got two bags of veggies for only PHP 680. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

We went to Nomu, the milktea place beside Bahay ng Alumni.

When we were waiting for our teas, I heard a loud “pop!” And that sickening hissing sound.

A flat tire. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

The stupid thing here was I took the longer route going to the UP gate near Krus na Ligas. I told the girls to bike their way into Science while I walk with my bike and then we’ll just meet at the corner where we used to turn right going into Science.

While waiting for the girls. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I guess I was bad at giving them directions so we spent the better part of that hour trying to find each other. After several video calls, they finally located me at that corner where they were supposed to meet me.

When we finally agreed how to proceed, I let the girls bike to the Krus na Ligas exit while I walked again.

Long story short, the guy at the bike shop along CP Garcia Ave fixed my tire by changing the interior and said that I had a busted tire pin. Good thing I had extra money then to buy a new tire interior.

Then off we rode our bikes back home. Got home after four freaking hours.

Gee, I am so tired.

I need to buy more wicking running shirts from Decathlon if I am to do this again regularly.

I PROMISE I WILL EXERCISE MORE SO I WOULD NO LONGER BE FAT.

Damn it.

I’m tired of feeling ugly and worthless.

End of an era

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Press release from the PSE.

It is an end of an era.

I remember occupying a slot at the press room at the Tektite building where the second trading floor of the Philippine Stock Exchange was located. I was one of the last batch of reporters who covered the local bourse when it had two trading floors due to some idiosyncrasies of this market. Ours is one of the oldest but it still remains small and illiquid.

I remember the beauty of being on the trading floor, or above the trading floor, when the world was shifting. The most poignant of all was when I was writing my stock exchange stories and all the counters were blinking red during the market meltdown of 2008. The brokers were on the edge of their seats and their landline phones were ringing non-stop. The energy of the trading floor was something to remember.

Now it’s all a memory. Everything is online.

The last time that I will have a photo against the trading board. Taken in 2017.

Speaking of financial institutions, I received an invite to the annual event at the central bank where all the local business’ heavy-weights will converge. I still don’t have a car by then so I booked a room at Shangri-la Hotel Jen so I will just walk to the venue and back to the hotel. The cost of my Grab from Quezon City to Manila and to Quezon City (if I manage to book a ride) would be equal to my hotel reservation. Because it will be on a Friday evening and the chance of rain is high.

Now I need to buy a new dress.

The girls and I went to the mini supermarket 200 meters away from the apartment this evening because I have no car. I had to make do with the limited choices we have there and just grin and bear it.

Just snacks and drinks. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I just ordered and have my meat delivered at home by Monterey and as for the vegetables, the girls and I would ride our bikes to UP for that tomorrow if it doesn’t rain.

My girls got prize money from their grandma for earning an average above 90 (which was already equivalent to an honors’ grade in other schools; their school doesn’t rank kids). Twin I bought the roller skates that she has been dying to have for two years.

She has been falling on her butt all day. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

While Twin A finally bought the Royal Kludge hotswappable mechanical keyboard and Logitech Pebble mouse for her games.

Tadahhh! She finally bought it. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Even if I can afford to buy it for them, I didn’t and resisted for as long as I can. They had to earn these. Either through doing their chores or by working on their grades.

This morning they had their diagnostic exam for their high school review and they were sad that they weren’t able to answer a lot of Math questions because they said these weren’t taught to them yet. I said it’s ok because it was just the review center’s way of knowing where to level off with their students. Eventually the review center’s teachers will show them how to solve these Math problems.

They will be starting their review classes on Monday.

Aha! The school season is starting.

I have finally transformed into a cat.

To cap the workweek, my girls have spent the evening fooling around. They taught me the sticker function of my new phone. 😂

ALL IS WELL, ALL IS WELL, as my friend taught me to say.

Do me a favor, this friend said. “Don’t let memories get you down. Be happy.”

My friends have lifted me up through all my struggles ever since I got broken.

All my drawings had been sad and lonely. But all will be well. All is well.

I’ll try to put a smile on my face everyday. Chase the cobwebs away. Have my friends chat with me online. One of these days I will fly to Europe and see a bigger world since my girls are already grown up and I can be away for two weeks. Stop first at our London HQ then jump to Edinburgh as I had always wanted to visit William Wallace’s country.

All is well, all is well.

There is always something to smile about everyday. Love myself everyday.

Car-lessness and lack of delicadeza

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Inside a taxi on the way home. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I left my car at the auto shop. I am car-less for a month and I pray that I won’t have any event in Makati that I need to go to because OMG it’s so hard to book Grab today and all days. 😭

Rainy Sunday. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I feel forlorn. I’m immobile. First time I am car-less in Metro Manila since 2009. I hope I will have it back before July 22. 😭😭😭

Meanwhile, the girls are having dinner with their dad and paternal aunts and uncles tonight. All is supposed to be well but suddenly Twin A sent me this screenshot (from I don’t know whose phone). It’s an FB post of their dad that says “Happy Fathers’ Day, regular customers!”

I don’t care if he has a harem or he takes out prostitutes regularly but he forgets he has children who can see his social media posts and they’re all girls 🤬 No delicadeza at all!

Now I don’t know how I would do damage control but I have to talk to my children about female dignity and we are more than sex objects. This is all upsetting.

You see, they have developed abhorrence towards the male sex because of what their dad did/is doing and what Tito J did/is doing. They no longer call J as Tito J but they call him by a codename or sometimes he goes nameless when they happen to remember him/or an incident with him in it. That’s how they hate him now. It doesn’t help that they saw and keep seeing J’s gf online who they think is a slut or not different from the women in the above screenshot. They adored him before. They looked up to him. Twin I was even copying his habits like tea drinking and she came to like vegetables. Now she dropped the tea drinking after she discovered about his gf. I could only feel pity towards my girl whose only male role model became eroded.

And now they’re seeing their dad’s perversion.

They told me once when they slept in their dad’s house that they used his laptop and saw a lot of “photos of women” (oh dear lord, I hope is not porn) in the hard drive or somewhere in his computer.

This is what I’m afraid of. Without a proper male role model, they may have a distorted view of the opposite sex and may get into wrong/troubled relationships in the future. I grew up seeing my mother’s co-dependence so that’s what I learned from her, hence, I inherited the same behavioral defect, which my first shrink told me.

I am afraid that my girls would only see their value if they’re all “sexed up” because that’s how the men in their lives see women: as sex objects. If the women that the the girls’ father figures keep always show their boobs, are preoccupied with their looks, and are scantily clad in public, they would think that is the beauty standard. Since I don’t do those, they would think that must be the reason why I always get cheated on. Even though they know it’s not, at the back of their minds it could be one of those things. Right now, both of them feel they’re ugly and have very low self-esteem. Despite my best efforts to lift up their self-esteem and their morale, if they don’t have a male authoritative figure who can say that they’re beautiful and smart, they would forever have these chips on their shoulders. How do I know? Because I grew up like that. I always thought myself ugly and unworthy of anything because my father is a narcissistic idiot.

Now I’m treading treacherous waters. How do I navigate this difficult narrative? My closest male friend is gay. They’re all gay! So who to talk to about this? I need to ask my brother to help correct this distortion.

They’re adolescents now. How do I talk to them about healthy self-image when I struggle with it myself?😥