Jo and I were talking about gaslighting and how it affects one’s own ability to believe in her own gut feel and overall confidence. Constant gaslighting erodes a person’s sound judgment and in the long run her mental health gets warped. That’s how abusers take control of the situation and that’s how victims get stuck–they constantly second-guess themselves about feeling something was not right and she should take action. It takes a lot of mental unpacking to be able to heal from that kind of psychologically abusive relationship.
I am advocating for women to seek counseling or therapy if they suffered from traumatic breakups. It’s not petty. It’s not nagiinarte. One’s healing or non-healing will dictate the course of her future relationships (not just romantic) with other people and also with herself. The problem with a patriarchal society is that women are told to “just sleep on it” or “here, eat some ice cream” when we undergo this seismic shift. Jo said that it’s unfortunate that she knows three people who are like this and are not seeking proper counseling.
Gaslighting is cruel. It’s a form of manipulation by narcissists by invalidating the victim.
I should never doubt myself again.
I did not sleep at all. If I did, I only had 30 mins of uninterrupted sleep last night, despite taking 6mg of melatonin. Then every so often I wake up that I finally gave up sleeping. I should stop my brain from thinking at night.
I had a hard time concentrating today because of my lack of sleep so I lighted my lavender-scented candle to help me feel good while listening and taking down notes during a webinar where they talked about widespread loan restructuring and interest rate differentials.
Now I’m writing a long-ish article since I find that I can concentrate better at night. Which should not be the norm because this time should be down time already.
I want this nightmare to end.
There’s this guy with a Chinese name who wanted to connect on Instagram via direct message. I was to dismiss him but my curiosity was sparked since there were a lot of Chinese bots that followed me (which I eventually blocked) on Twitter. It’s not a secret that CCP monitors journalists abroad, especially those who have retweeted the HK protests and the West Philippines Sea debacle.
So I chose to engage. Who are you, I asked. He said he is a dentist in Belgium but originally from Taiwan. Hmmm suspicious. Why do you want to follow me, how did you come by my profile when it’s private? He said he was scanning for someone on IG when he came across my profile and wanted to be friends. Still very suspicious. Since I have no way of checking his IP address, I investigated whom he was following.
Well, they were all random Filipino women. All 600+ of them.
Dear God, why am I always in the line of sight of predators?! I never provocatively posed in photos, I always dress conservatively, and my all my social media profiles are always private (except for Twitter because that’s for monitoring purposes). Even on my LinkedIn, which is a professional networking platform, there are those who attempt to use it as a pick-up platform like Tinder. I have reported and blocked those predators.
The only way I can stay safe from predators is to stay away from all men.
Meanwhile, here’s my quick coloring of Imee Marcos’ caricature as A Witch Named Imee as a Mango. Stuff of nightmares.
Twin A asked me to draw a picture of the three of us and she specifically asked for bunnies.
