Lets’ Eat

This short animation is simple to the point that it’s already cliche but it strikes the heart. It reminds me of why I keep cooking for my loved ones even though somebody else could do that for us. Because you know, home-cooked meals remind you of your mom, of home, of comfort, of love…My mom was a terrible cook (she’s really more of a scientist) but she tried her best. It’s the meal shared with her that counts. I want my girls to remember me by the food that I cook for them—the taste of home. My food will always draw them back home wherever they will end up when they fly the coop. I cooked for J, to remind him that he had a home with me…but he threw that away. Oh well. *shrug* I sent home cooked meals to K’s condo because his family is in the US. He posted on FB one time that he loved my food and it reminded him of his mother. I cooked for my friends and cousin here at home or I send them my food when they’re sick.

Food cooked at home is not just food. It’s love in a pot. Mothers, especially single mothers, do their very best despite the tiredness of raising children alone. I hope it’s not too late for children to say their appreciation to their moms before they’re gone.


I couldn’t contain myself so I drove to Katipunan, went to Fullybooked and bought the other Tokyo Finds artist-grade watercolor palette.

The Artisan set. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Then I tried to squeeze each pan in one tin tray so I would only be carrying one when I do my urban sketching.

Tadaah! Photo by CallMeCreation.com
And I’ve made color swatches because the original color chart that came with the palette was not accurate.

I can buy empty half-pans from Lazada and put them all in the second almost empty palette tray and I will be buying—sloooowly buying—more expensive half-pans or tubes that I could squeeze the contents of in the empty pans for more saturated colors. The difference of the artist grade pans from the student grade paint box that I first bought is that the former has more saturated colors and is “cakey” compared to the latter. I’ll save money for the artist grade Winsor and Newton. Its field box version is already almost PhP 5,000

Same with Daniel Smith.

In the meantime, I’ll practice some more using this Tokyo Finds Bento Picasso artist grade until I get better. Well, my earlier watercolor drawings were just created using Pentel watercolor tubes and they haven’t faded yet. I think I can live with with Tokyo Finds and Sakura Koi.

I finally adjusted the colors on this watercolor drawing. I think I’m already satisfied with this one.

Updated. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Then I decided to play truant today instead of finishing my articles so I made another one.

Art and Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Still very wet. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com
Takipsilim sa UP Diliman. Art and photo by CallMeCreation.com

Broadcast City tower here looks odd. Hahaha! I’m still debating whether I should add tiny humans but I may just destroy it. Maybe tomorrow I’ll layer this.

I need to practice everyday. On Thursday I’ll be sitting in UCC almost all day so I can do this while I write and edit in between.

I’ve spent this month’s budget for plants…they became watercolors. Oh well. All for my mental health/self-love.

In my melancholy

Angono, Rizal during lockdown 2020. Art and Photo by CallMeCreation.com

The paper is still wet but when it’s completely dry I think I should make the left side darker, like grey-bluish purple clouds because it was raining in some parts of the Metro Manila when we were there.

I wonder if I could come back to this place again.

BINGO!

One of my Twitter followers called me up on my phone and told me that there are open slots for passport renewal at DFA (because I had been asking DFA on Twitter when they would be opening slots). I quickly checked and fired up three browsers (Chrome, Firefox, and Edge) so I can try three different locations. After clicking for more than an hour (refresh, refresh, search, refresh), I finally was able to book at Robinsons Novaliches next week!

Wohoooo! Hopefully it would be painless. When Singapore finally opens up (no quarantine requirements), I can finally fly there and fix things that should be fixed. And meet my sources. And I should be using my Japan Visa soon since it would expire by next year.

One down, one more to go: Car registration. I need to secure a slot online, which I read was like another Hunger Games–similar to securing a slot at DFA.

In the meantime, I would be bringing the male white feral cat that this compound has been taking care of to PAWS for neutering. My neighbor caught him now in our kitty isolation cage so he can fast and I can easily bring him to PAWS tomorrow morning. Hope everything goes smoothly.


The Ukraine crisis is wreaking havoc on everything right now. For a 100% oil importing country like the Philippines, this would spell a rapid rise in core inflation. Supply disruptions of food and durable goods plus high transport cost would drag the purchasing power of people down. Waaaaay down. That’s why I should be judicious in driving because I haven’t seen the price of premium diesel climb this high, not even during the oil price shock of 2008 when every major corporation in the country had to revise its assumptions and earnings/growth projections. Logistics problems caused by the pandemic have yet to be untangled and here we go, we now have more geopolitical tensions to throw a monkey wrench into the economic recovery of developing countries like ours.

I have to think about this while pursuing stories and I should remind my team that this should be foremost in their minds right now.


At Starbucks. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

A quick sketch of yesterday’s work session with our Manila reporter at Starbucks in High Street. My efforts are still subpar so I need to practice some more. Since it would be a holiday on Friday, the girls and I are thinking of going to UP or probably La Mesa Dam if it won’t rain so I can practice sketching while they go biking. We can probably have a picnic.

My sister-in-law is telling me that she wants to go to the beach before the entire country descends on every available seaside in the coming weeks. I looked at Agoda for some resorts in Anilao and saw some vacant rooms in two resorts. She’s still thinking about it because she has three boys she wants to drag with her. My brother, being a lazy driver, wouldn’t come so I would be hauling them all off. I need to buy new freediving flippers and the doughnut if we would push through.

I think yesterday’s torrential rain would be the last and the hot and dry season would be coming up. I need to check the camp sites as well so we can schedule our long-delayed camping trip.

I hope no more curve balls. I’m trying my best to get out of this funk. I’m trying my best to heal well. Oh, God, I’m trying.


It’s 2:39 am and there’s this invisible hand from out of nowhere that suddenly squeezes my heart. I want to cry but I’ve run out of tears. I’m tired of this. I couldn’t hate because it still involves feelings and he’s not worthy of that. I just want to be apathetic. That’s the ultimate goal, apathy.

Out in the wild

Back again. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I had the faulty Kullen drawer exchanged at Ikea but Kullen became sold out so I had picked the cheaper Lennart drawers and some random stuff for the kids so that the amount would be equal to the cost of the item to be exchanged. So tomorrow night I will building more drawers.

Then our Manila reporter, Kr, and I agreed to meet at Starbucks in BGC to work after her press conference. It was nice to work outside and see daylight while editing although it rained heavily. It was quite cooler today that I felt I should have brought a light sweater with me. Just when I thought that summer is already here, the weather decided that to go in another direction.

Kr and I haven’t seen each other in two years so it was quite a relief to work with a live human being across the table and talk shop face to face. I was so productive this afternoon that I was able to edit three stories in an hour. Then I sketched to while away the time.

Art and photo by CallMe Creation.com

I didn’t realize that my pocket watercolor pan (Classic) didn’t have black. The other pocket watercolor (Artisan) has that. Which is an excuse to buy me that one. Tee hee!

After BGC, I dropped off Kr in Estancia in Capitol Commons because she will meet with a friend for dinner. Then I battled my way into an almost-pre-pandemic traffic jam going to QC. I was a bit exhausted driving, maybe because I didn’t have enough sleep (as usual). I took my meds pretty late last night so it took a while for them to kick in and was able to drift off past 3 am. Got woken up again after 3 hours.

I wonder what kind of devil is waking me up every three hours?!

I told Kr I should try working outside more these days now that I discovered that my mind is more alert and productive when I’m outside. I need adult conversations too! I missed BGC and Makati CBD–my usual haunts on weekdays. I missed picking the brains of execs face-to-face. I should invite one of my sources for lunch in BGC one of these days as I still have a gift cheque for a buffet lunch for two at Shangri-la. We usually talked politics on WhatsApp and some scoops.

I missed dressing up, putting on make-up and jewelry regularly. Makes me feel empowered. As I told other reporters before, if I get rejected by execs or get thrown out of conferences, at least I’m not ugly and a failure both at the same time (LOL!).

My feet hurt though because I chose to wear a new pair of clip-cloppy shoes with heels today. Note to self: DO NOT break in new shoes when you’re going to walk around BGC or Makati.

Torture shoes from Call It Spring that I bought last Sunday. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Hmmm. Now my goal is to work once a week outside, probably Tues or Wednesday, and meet with sources before Edsa becomes a huge parking lot again. Staying indoors for 2 years really messed me up.

Sorry, can’t help myself

More saturated colors for on-the-go sketchers. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I didn’t wait to order this online. I just bought it off the shelf. I found that the 18-color tray was too big to put into my shrinking bag (my bag has shrunk since the pandemic began) so I bought this pocket watercolor tray. Because I’m serious about starting my urban sketching hobby. It’s art therapy. Now all I need is a waterbrush pen and I’m all set. I already started sketching while we were waiting to be seated at Ramen Nagi at SM Mall of Asia in Pasay.

The couple infront of us in the queue while we waited to be seated at Ramen Nagi. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

The girls and I went to SM Mall of Asia because we needed to buy drawers because their tables are already collapsing due to the weight of their stuff inside their tables’ drawers. In the first place those tables were cheap as they are MDF and are not built to last. I didn’t invest in hardwood tables because I knew they would outgrow those. I just needed them to stay upright until we move next year. By then I would have had ordered a custom-made study/computer table together with their loft beds. So the remedy is to buy the drawers that they could use under their loft beds when we finally have our flat.

Ikea! Photo by CallMeCreation.com

And we ended up in Ikea. I also bought a shoe cabinet and lots of frames. Twin A asked for the bunny watercolor painting to be framed. I don’t know where she will hang it but, ok. Ikea frames are cheap anyway.

Can’t also help myself buying fake plants and other home stuff. I need to surround myself with things that make me happy. Things that remind me that life is not always that bad. Real and fake flowers are some of those.

Cheap happiness. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Vase = PHP 60 each, Ikea. Fake carnation = PHP 30 per piece, Ikea. Bouquet of peach flowers = PHP 90 (Shopee). I’ll just find a strategic place I can put them so the cats won’t knock them over. My cats had once destroyed my oven toaster because they were goofing around.

Speaking of cats, Kimchi was again dressed up by my children.

She ran away to hide in my room and basically commandeered my table the entire day until we went out.

Cute. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’m already doing fine. I’m peaceful now. I am surrounded by the things I love. Life has become more placid now that I was able to process the events earlier this month and now I can move forward. I’ll try to work outside now to hop off my usual routine and I’ll see if this will improve my disposition. I can’t always hide from the world. And if I run into him with his girlfriend, so be it.

Friyay!

Kimchi sleeping on my iPad. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’m quite satisfied that I had been somewhat more productive this week despite my sleeping problem that I have yet to solve. I still keep waking up at 3 or 4 am. But so far I’m getting the hang of it now. The company I wrote about yesterday didn’t have issues about the article that came out today despite my earlier report about their stuff without their blessing. I hate it when companies file complaints when nothing was really wrong–it just so happened that I was able to dig information about them and I get to write about them without their spin. Anyway, that’s life for me. You can’t last in this business without having nerves of steel.

Speaking of cats, my neighbor had called a home service vet to spay the stray orange mommy cat and she’s recovering inside our cage stationed by my neighbor’s side/back door. I just have scheduled a neutering surgery for the white stray cat on the 24th but PAWS has yet to email me if my schedule is confirmed.

Painting everything, including my nails. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My hands were restless last night while I was attending our townhall meeting for the global editorial staff so I had my nails painted. Applying nail polish on myself without errors is an exercise to master holding and painting with an unwieldy brush. By the time I was done with my fingers and toenails, the meeting had ended.

Twin I complained about her cheap wireless mouse no longer working so I finally had an excuse to pass down this very reliable Logitech keyboard and mouse set to her and ordered my own Logitech mechanical wireless keyboard and mouse combo. It was more expensive than I was aiming for. I was initially thinking of buying the Royal Kludge mechanical wireless keyboard that I had been eyeing for a few months now but I saw the very colorful and retro Logitech one...I’m shallow like that. But hey, Logitech has been tested and my old set is working perfectly fine and the battery life lasts two or three years.

Lying down, staring at the lights and the ceiling. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’m finally more relaxed this Friday compared to two weeks ago when I had to parse in my head the chaos that happened. I’m listening now to piano music while I lay sprawled on my bed. I’m thankful that I have settled down a bit and anxiety is slowly ebbing away. A lot of self-love and good support system are needed to be able to get up from every stumble like that. I thank my friends for being my crutches when I go through moments like that. K had been checking me every now and then and has been concerned about my lack of sleep. B has been reminding me that I am an ok human being and it is him who is problematic.

I am thankful that I no longer had this weight to carry with me around. He keeps chasing things but it seems like he doesn’t know what he wants. He is never really happy and I constantly worried about making him happy and satisfied when we were still together. But he never for once thought about my own happiness, about what I liked, what I wanted. It’s hard. Until he figures out whatever that he is supposed to be chasing, he will keep bouncing around. I couldn’t keep up with that, I finally realized.

With every stumble I had, I keep realizing things that I lost. The first time I grieved his physical loss. The second time is I grieved over the person I thought he was. The third—and hopefully the last time—is I grieved over the realization that I wasn’t really loved. I had to let go of that illusion now that I have digested all these–everything.

Giving my unconditional love, opening up my home and my life, and building up a family for him so he would no longer be alone was too costly—it was at the expense of my entire well-being. I am now going through therapy and God knows when I will be all right. Fourteen months is a long time. Although I can look at it this way: it gives me a better perspective on what I should be pursuing instead and found my true self in the process. I lost her somewhere along the way. I was so busy adulting and pleasing other people that I neglected myself.


As part of my art therapy, I will try urban sketching. I will be going out to work in a coffee shop and from time to time I will try to sketch my environment. Like the urban sketchers I follow on Instagram.

I feel excited whenever I start a new drawing.

I’ll probably start next week so I can finally finish three pending articles I have on my to do list.

I should buy lots and lots of sketch notebooks. I’ve been looking at them online…hehehehe.