Ergonomically, they’re terrible workplaces. It’s hard to concentrate on work there. It’s annoying to have calls there, especially video calls.
But I miss working in those coffee shops. I need to get away from my room. I need to work away from these four walls. I am going nuts here. I will be confined to my 14″ laptop screen but that’s ok.
However, it’s still not safe until my children get vaccinated. What if I bring home the coronavirus? I may be asymptomatic since I already have the vax but I may carry it to infect my largely unvaccinated household.
Now here’s a different kind of missing. This essay by this NYTimes Madrid bureau chief has left me in a turmoil of emotions. I could feel his pain, you know, the kind of pain that hits your stomach when you haven’t eaten for a day or two. The hollowness makes the pain reverberate throughout your entire being. And for the writer, he has been trying to fill that void so it won’t hurt.
Then there’s his mom. Oh the pain of being stranded. I just realized that you can be left stranded all your life and keep waiting for that person who left you stranded to come back and rescue you with whatever boat that he has. But then you know within the deep recesses of your heart he will not come back. And you remain in that same spot for decades. That’s his mom. Tragic.
Why do people believe in fairy tales woven by the people we chose to love? Why do we hold on to flimsy memories when reality has already slapped you in the face that you were taken for a ride? Then we find ourselves standing on the same ground that we should have left long ago.
But I live in a small apartment. I promised myself I will not subject a dog to such conditions where he will be confined and constricted. I have always had dogs but stopped having pets when I moved to Manila because of space issues. That means I need to move to a place with a yard and near open spaces.
Therefore, I need to move. Oh dear, I hate moving. Packing and unpacking. The logistics of it all.
The more I spend my time here in this apartment, the more I am convinced that I should move now to the province.
This restlessness has been drowning me. It has been gnawing at the edge of my reason, my rational self.
Everyone in his life has that one pivotal moment that would have changed history. That one little thing that you never knew at that time would could affect everything that you would do for the rest of your life.
Imagine if Slash’s guitar teacher didn’t dissuade him from playing bass. There would never have been that Sweet Child of Mine guitar solo, or Guns N’ Roses for that matter. Imagine, Slash, a failed bass player.
Or what if James Hetfield decided to cut his hair as his football coach told him to and proceeded to play football and got distracted from playing music. There would not have been a Metallica.
I have yet to remember or rediscover that pivotal moment in my life, that one little decision that would have changed everything, that one little thing that seemed inconsequential at that time but it turned out to be pivotal later on. Maybe it’s when I decided not to join my theater group to the national theater festival at the Cultural Center of the Philippines when I was finishing my thesis. I don’t know. I wouldn’t know if I would have become a better actress if I continued. I don’t know if I would have lasted in theater.
All these stories about pivotal moments left me with one thing: go with what your gut tells you.
Well, what can I say? I was full of trepidation about Trese being brought to life as an animated series but good that I was wrong about my fears. It was better than I expected. The animation could be better (since I am more of a Japanese animation fan) but the storylines per episode are good representations of what Philippine myths and folklore would look like in modern Manila setting. The nuno sa punso though would be hard in Manila since we don’t have enough soil here as everything else is concrete. But the writer of the comics (Budjette Tan) and the Netflix series were able to transport the nuno into sewers and popping up from manholes, which made sense. I didn’t like how this season ended, kinda cliche but the preview of the next season is more intriguing because it seems like the manananggal here is cunning.
I like that the scenes are so familiar, like the MRT breaking down in the middle of Guadalupe, the Meralco building, Dela Rosa Avenue in Makati, Ortigas Center buildings, Megamall, Manila Bay nightscape and I could make out the buildings along Roxas Boulevard, and ABS-CBN front entrance.
My girls and I watched the entire Season 1 in English and it was…so-so. The cadence of the English language was clumsy. Maybe because the scriptwriters are Filipinos in the Philippines, so the conversations in English don’t flow naturally I guess? The accents were off, especially with the spells, which will not bother non-Tagalog speakers but it was grating to me. The English cast was comprised of Filipino-Americans or Filipino-Canadians and it is understandable that they may have trouble with the original language. However, I find it disturbing that Lou Diamond Philips (Mayor) sounded more Mexican while Carlos Alazraqui sounded like a cross between a South American or Spaniard.
When I rewatched snippets of Episode 1 again in Filipino, then it made more sense now. Liza Soberano was better than Shay Mitchell, even just in the monotone. Mind you, Liza grew up in the US (and she gets a lot of flak here for sounding more American than Filipino in movies and TV series) so both actors have that American twang but Liza’s monotone was similar to that of the Japanese voice actor of Kusanagi Motoko in Ghost in the Shell, which fit Alexandra Trese better. UPDATE: I will watch the entire Episode 1 to judge it better.
In the Filipino version, conversations in Tagalog were not the everyday Tagalog we use but it somehow fits. As others commented, this is not the Filipino dub/sub of Naruto, which was cringey.
I like the Ifugao chanting that they use as opening music, which gives it a more ancient, folklore Filipino flavor. The music of Up Dharma Down (UDD) at the end of the every episode is a good foil to the ancient music as UDD is the best representation of modern Filipino music today (yes, I’m a fan).
Filipino folklore is rich but was bastardized by the Spanish, who have demonized women–just look at what they did to the babaylan (Philippine shamans, usually female). The origins of the tiyanak in the colonial Spanish context is one example of that. The banishment of Mariang Sinukuan and Maria Makiling (some versions of the tale) is another one. Neil Gaiman is also a fan of Philippine folklore, which is a treasure trove of literary material. Even the local ones we have like the legend of the Seven Lakes of San Pablo, and the Mt Maculot (originally Mt. Maculog) in Batangas can be manipulated in so many ways, which I did in that novel that I wrote but burned.
Anyway, this is just the first attempt of the Trese team, I hope they get better support and better story telling next season.
I discovered Will Post on Spotify through his horribly beautiful song Kindest Thing. It’s horrible because the song killed me with a thousand knives all over again. It reminded me of why it was the best for me to cut all communication because I can imagine J in this song telling me the stuff Will Post is singing about. I cut all communication because I don’t want pity and I don’t want to feel his disdain.
The song is painful but the beat and the melody are happy, which is annoying because it makes me want to listen to this over and over even if I shouldn’t. Will Post’s voice is like velvet and it’s confusing because his singing makes me want to feel comforted but the lyrics just makes me want to say WTF!
I found Will Post’s live recording of “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” on Youtube, which is a song I always thought better played on piano compared to the upbeat chorus in the original by The Police. This matches his tone better. I hope he covers more songs like this.
I have been spending majority of the afternoon today listening to music because I’m testing my new Bluetooth speaker from Edifier, which sounds very good for the price of PHP 2,300+ (on sale on Lazada 6.6). The bass doesn’t break even if the volume is turned up since it has a subwoofer. It’s value for money as I can finally hear the rich tones of the bass in the piano or guitar. I find that this is best for acoustic music. It also doesn’t look cheap as it is made of wood.
Edifier MP260. Photo by CallMeCreation.comPhoto by CallMeCreation.comIt’s small but it packs a punch. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Even though it’s small, it can fill up the whole room. It has a digital clock and alarm and I don’t know why it does but oh well, let’s just say it’s a bonus feature that I didn’t ask for. It looks good on my revamped workstation. I’ve had so many speakers over the years because I am a music lover and listening on earphones just doesn’t cut it. I accidentally left my JBL Charge in Baguio in 2018 and I still mourn the loss. If money is no object, I would invest in Bang and Olufsen (they’re just so beautiful) or Marshall (their amps!) and annoy my neighbors. If I already have my own place, I would soundproof my room so I can blast music to my heart’s content.
Today I watched a contestant in America’s Got Talent who has terminal cancer (last test showed cancer spread now in several vital organs). She said (paraphrasing) that you don’t have to wait until the bad times are gone to be happy. You can choose to be happy. She has 2% survival rate but she said it’s better than zero, and it’s something.
Happiness is a choice. After six months of grief, I choose to be happy in small ways. The camping we did last two days was refreshing and I want to do it again. I found my old self again, the one who climbed mountains and camped. The one who swam in seas. The girl who is happy going to different places. The one who is happy browsing through secondhand book shops. The girl who is happy curling up with a book on a rainy day.
I don’t have to be over this grief to be happy. I can carry it for a long time but I should make sure that I am growing so that grief would not be a big part of me like in Day 1.
Grabbed from Instagram
I have come so far, looking back. It’s still there and I think I have to accept that it won’t go away easily. It’s just forcing me to grow around it, this grief.
The only thing I wrote on my journal on that fateful day. I’ve come so far. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
And I took care of myself. I am finding simple joys in little things. Like adding RAM on my laptop and it’s a skill that none of my girl friends, as far as I know, have. Just like refurbishing furniture and painting walls. Being an all-around domestic goddess.
I’ve been operating on my laptops for quite some time now. Like adding RAM and SSD and attaching disconnected flex cables. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I had been messy when J was still here because I was busy and had been attending to 101 things all at the same time. Now that I’m taking life slowly, I finally got to my old neater self.
Assembling dual monitor swivel arms that I bought from Lazada. Photo by CallMeCreation.com A much neater and bigger desk space. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
It brings me peace that my workspace is neater now. I hope this would inspire me to be more productive when I get back to work next week.
I’m thinking of going to the onsen in my hometown and have a dip there for 4 hours. Just because.
