My stairs weren’t that dark anymore after I installed the Christmas lantern and lights. I got home to this view this morning from night out with high school classmates.

I attended the annual fundraiser/homecoming of my high school to catch up with friends. After the main event, we went to our usual after-party party and this time, we’re now the titos and titas who just gather around the coffee table and have tame drinks. We were just talking about how things have changed from our annual nights out ten to 15 years ago that translated to bad hangovers the next day. We now were chatting about how to deal with our adolescent children, sexual education, teen dating, etc. We turned into that kind of parents. 🤦🏻‍♀️ HAHAHAHA! I never would have imagined that we would come to this but here we are. 🤣

I always made sure my children are well fed before I fly off. This was our breakfast yesterday. I had to empty our fridge this week because it is still stuffed with different kinds of bread. I gotta make room for Christmas holiday food.

And this is our breakfast today. Enjoying it with Vitamin D as it is a lovely morning.

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I spoke too soon. Damn.

I told myself that I should leave at 10 am so I can park early at the mall. Nope. I had to work even though I’m officially on leave (public holiday). Another problem was I lingered in my bed instead of starting work early. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I checked out of the hotel at 12 noon and had lunch at Max’s across the street. I was surprised at the price increase they had. I mean, they used to be affordable but now a meal costs PHP 500 per person. I guess they also feel the pinch because customers aren’t really crowding that branch.

Since I was stupid for not getting up early to park at Ayala Center at 10 am, I had to suffer the long queue to the parking areas. I had tried every known parking entrance, but no, everything was full. 🫠

I gave up and went straight to Alabang Town Center to try my luck.

Nope. That place is much worse because of the huge-ass cars they have there—they are next to posh Ayala Alabang, hence, the multitude of SUVs. I told my girls that we just have to suffer and buy their exchange gifts locally or online. There’s no way that I would be able to penetrate any of the malls in Metro Manila. It was as if those who didn’t go out of town for the long weekend converged in malls. 🥴

So yes, malls are very much alive in the Philippines, unlike in the US where shopping malls are going bust because the middle class is already being squeezed by the economy. On top of that, the big box stores like Costco and Walmart are also contributing to challenges they face by way of competition. According to the New York Times, Amazon is not to blame entirely for their demise. The e-commerce giant only accounts for 11% of total retail shopping in the US.

Long story short, I ended up going straight home, dejected.

I had a disturbing dream this early morning that caused me to remain very angry when I woke up. The level of anger even after waking up was astounding and I had to tell myself that it never happened, just to calm me down. I didn’t realize that the resentment is still that high but it seems like I need to have this confrontation to be able to let go.

Or I need to dive. I haven’t done any of that this year 😭.

I’m getting ready for my drive to Makati as I have a Christmas cocktails with a global law firm tonight. But before that, I would be checking in at a hotel within the area after lunch and have a rest. Probably a massage?

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Here we go, Christmas rush traffic. I arrived at the hotel one hour later than expected. Good thing I was still on time to make it to the call with my manager but I was still in disarray so I’m not really sure I captured whatever I needed to do before the year ends.

I booked Zennya and my therapist was just in time. She appeared a few minutes I wrapped up the call. How I miss Zennya! I mean, I couldn’t get the deep tissue massage that my back had been hankering for anywhere else. Even the shiatsu massages in Singapore weren’t able to loosen the knots on my back. The therapist recommended another session because my back is still stiff and my neck is still frozen. She did her best though.

After 90 mins, I got ready for my cocktail party. Only 15 mins.

The reason I keep booking this hotel is because it’s so walkable to Ayala. Most of my business events are held in this area. Tonight, I crossed the brightly lit Ayala Triangle to get to my venue.

The night was a bit productive as I managed to wrangle meetings for Kr and myself.

To celebrate small wins, I am having another 90 min therapeutic Zennya massage to remove the stiffness on my neck and the remaining knots on my back. 😅

I was a resource person yesterday at my undergrad college, helping them in their review of the journalism curriculum. I almost didn’t make it because I was vomiting every food I had that morning. Stomach acids were triggered by the matcha milk tea I made for myself for breakfast.

During my session, I told them that 1) there are no more media outfits that would absorb journalism graduates as the business model of traditional and even new media is in a flux; 2) AI is here to stay and eliminated entry level jobs, just like what our company did by using AI to aggregate and rewrite press releases and got rid of stringers; 3) story telling has levelled up with the use of analytics. People are no longer paying for news because they can get it for free but people will pay for data and that’s how media companies are surviving—they have to turn themselves into data companies so people will pay for the information that they have. Either they must have Pulitzer Prize-level of journalism with resources to spend on long form stories or investigative pieces or sell and package data like what we and our competitors like Bloomberg and Reuters do. It’s not the news that makes money for us—it’s the data. News is just a means to get data.

After my session, I bought a lot of medicines because I think I’m coming down with something. I’m not sure if this is the same thing I got in Singapore or this is a new infection. Pneumonia cases are up, aside from Covid cases.

I slept most of the time today in between editing and replying to emails. I have an interview tomorrow, so I hope I would be functional by the time I do it.

It’s worrisome to learn from our pediatrician that the pediatric wing at St. Luke’s (I assumed it was St. Luke’s) is filled with childhood pneumonia cases. It is everywhere these days, so many kids down with pneumonia.

I’m not sure about this news report (the reporting was unpolished for it to be mainstream media) but the fact that the Chinese government and WHO are having separate press conferences to answer questions about the rising cases of pneumonia in China means it’s already alarming a lot of people.

Now I’m sneezing and blowing my nose. I’m getting groggy but I still have to tidy up in the kitchen.

I should update the twins’ pneumococcal and flu vaccines. I missed the window when their school was supposed to administer these, which was last week. I was in Singapore. 😕 I forgot to turn in the form that says I am availing of the vax for my kids. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Why, Mommy, why?

Ah I had too many things on my mind.

I can’t wait for the holidays so I can just sleep and rest.

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Yeah, learned the hard way.

I always gave people the benefit of the doubt, seeing only the bright side of people and dismissing the dark. I always thought that there might be something in their past that made them into that and I should accommodate that part of them because of that past.

Umm, well, that shouldn’t be an excuse for them to be assholes. Selfish, narcissistic people shouldn’t be given a pass just because of their background. It’s condonation of bad behavior, like it’s ok. It’s never ok.

So how to weed out this kind of people? I don’t know. Maybe stay away from people in general?

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https://www.instagram.com/p/C0YJWOipkI3/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

People look different when viewed from afar. When you’ve taken a step back and took a good look at your self and are able think clearly.

My bff (BFF T) and I went to our common friend’s 40th day commemoration since her death, which was hosted by her family. All along the way and while there, BFF T and I had been talking about how do we keep ourselves from falling into the trap of dating wrong people again and again, because this is what my friend in SG is having problems with.

Our stand is, BFF T and I don’t make finding a partner front and center of our existence. Unlike this friend of ours in SG, she is really making it her priority, a central thing in her life. She keeps on using various dating apps to stave off the loneliness in Singapore so she always ends up with the wrong guys.

She asked me, how does BFF T do it, it seems like she’s super ok being single? I replied, she is not super ok. She just accepted it. Like I have accepted my state of affairs.

*Well, in my case, I was never actively seeking a partner ever since I became solo 3 years ago. I actually have a distaste for it.*

I told our friend in SG that when BFF T gets burned, she deletes her dating apps, turns her attention to other things like chasing Kpop concerts in Asia, traveling, and shopping. When the serotonin boost from those activities wanes, that’s the only time she activates her dating apps again. Then she goes through dating shit again. Then go chase Kpop concerts again, etc. Wash, repeat. It’s just training herself how to get better at this without getting broken.

There’s some kind of level of acceptance already, I told BFF T over coffee this afternoon. It’s not something I have to seek. It just happens. Or does not happen. I’m just too broken at this point and I must take my time to heal and repair the brokenness or else I will end up with another asshole.

For BFF T, she said she understands why our friend in SG is actively seeking: she is trying to fill the void left by a broken marriage. That she cannot live without a partner. BFF T said she herself wouldn’t understand that because she hasn’t been married so she doesn’t have that kind of void to fill.

I said, well, I have been married and I had lived with a partner after that, but I didn’t feel like I needed to fill a void after all that. Maybe because 1) I was busy healing; 2) I am busy raising children. It helps that you have something else to focus on.

BFF T said that maybe, we have arrived at an equilibrium…we are not really ok but we’re fine accepting things like maybe relationships with men aren’t something central to our whole being. Or maybe we have accepted that we’re already old and random dating is not really going to work for us anymore, like in college.

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I was feeling really horrible yesterday and I thought it was just because I had my period. Dysmenorrhoea when traveling is hell on earth. To relieve my aching body, I had another round of reflexology massage. I had enough time to kill anyway.

Welp, it made me feel much worse.

By the time I claimed my bags from the hotel concierge, I knew I couldn’t take the train. I booked Grab and slept on the way to the airport. Did the same while at the airport waiting for boarding time.

I was afraid that they would randomly check temperature and I would be pulled out and make me stay back, in case it was Covid. Thankfully they didn’t. I had an uncomfortable flight; I was in between feverish sleep and frequent urinating. Good thing I booked that seat near the toilet and was along the aisle.

The drive back home was equally horrendous and dangerous. I was falling asleep at the wheel that I had to stop at Petron along SLEX for a nap. Only when I was on my bed did I get a restful sleep.

I think I had UTI. My lower back where my kidneys are hurt so much. I relieved my symptoms with parcetamol and by drinking lots of water.

During my entire stay in SG I was having trouble going to the bathroom because I was waiting for my meeting, in a meeting, or on the way to a meeting.

I won’t schedule back to back meetings again.

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Thankfully I feel better today so I was able to drive Twin A to her appointment with our pedia-hemato-onco. So far, so good. Her bilirubin is ok, her TB meds are not damaging her liver. Her uric acid has lowered to 7 from 9 but still high. We need to flush it down with lots of water and allopurinol.

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And as I promised the girls, the next time we’re in BGC, we will see Van Gogh Alive (we missed da Vinci last month).

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About 90% of those who paid P1,250 went there to have selfies or photos taken against Van Gogh images.

I’m one of those 10% who sat through the whole immersive audio-visual experience. I even repeated it to feel his art and its evolution, from the dark tradition of Netherlands to the bright and bold colors in France, especially his days in Arles. You could feel his desperation to tame the demons in his head during his days in Saint-Remy and his last days in Auvers. He loves yellow because it is a happy color—happiness is a feeling that he has been chasing all throughout his adult life.