So my meeting with that potential source from SG was a dud and he dragged me all the way from QC to Makati for nothing. He didn’t even offer to pay for my coffee. 😑

Anyway, good thing is that this meeting was not the reason why I drove to Makati all the way from QC. I met with some VVIP: My very good friends from the industry.

We all started as public finance and macroeconomy reporters at the same time, attending Treasury bills/bond auctions at the Palacio del Gobernador 17 years ago and writing about public debt.

It’s so lovely to see them again, talking with them about everything under the sun.

Our friend, MR, who left the industry a few years ago and is now a bureaucrat, told me to stay where I am because she also felt the same two years ago… It’s a season we all go through. She also told me that the chillax life I have cannot be quantified and cannot be matched by any salary increase, especially that I’m a solo parent.

The other friend whom I talked to yesterday whose company had an opening that I applied for (also yesterday) is ready to quit her current job because she’s already so tired and wants to have a change of pace. She’s already thinking of retiring from the industry. She has kids and a husband and she wants to pursue more things other than chasing stories all the time. Well, that’s already a red flag to me. 🚩🤣

My other friend, my fairy gay mother, said he couldn’t imagine a job in our industry that allows someone (me) to attend to a house construction and be at the site on a weekday and still come out unscathed. He said he even couldn’t imagine how I could work by the beach and live to tell the tale.

So it’s a matter of familiarity begets contempt. Because I’ve been here for quite a while, it’s understandable that I want to explore what’s out there. It’s the fear of missing out a.k.a FOMO. I also see small things as annoying that they nag at me day and night. Because these annoying things dance around in my brain, I’m mistaking them as fatal flaws that are pushing me over the edge.

It’s like being in a long-term relationship. You suddenly get annoyed by little things that you nitpick. They sudden become bigger than life that you think they are making your life miserable. But because you tend to focus on these little things that you think are a big deal, you forget about the good things that have made you stay in the first place. It’s only when you’re gone that you realize that things aren’t that bad after all and the good things that have kept you in that relationship cannot be found anywhere else. But you can no longer go back—that’s the tragedy and you just have to live with that for the rest of your life.

It’s a matter of appreciating what you have but you forget to do so because you always think the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

So I have to search deep within my heart, what do I really want? Why am I itching to get out? Because I am inconvenienced now? Because I’m challenged now? Because of the changes that happened? Because of money jealousy like who’s paid more than me for less effort?

As our former APAC head (after her jump to PR) told my colleague in Tokyo: Stay. Things aren’t that bad.

So I will keep an open mind when I get interviewed for the position I applied for. Maybe once I realize that things aren’t really that better on the other side of the fence once I get to talk to them, maybe I would have a better appreciation of what I have now.