So I got to talk to this guy who was trying to poach me. It’s not an attractive proposition because he clearly doesn’t know what he’s doing but of course I’m not gonna teach him. That’s why he wants to poach me because he doesn’t know what he’s doing 🤣.

I just want leverage.

I know he cannot afford me since he said he will come back with the numbers for the renumeration.

So I asked my cousin, who is an HR manager in an MNC, how do I use this for a pay raise? She said, it’s going to be tough to ask for a raise using this leverage without risking my current status since “you just want a raise but will not leave yet. Like what if they call your bluff?” But I said, this is not the company that I would sacrifice my current position for and this is a step lower. I don’t want to leave just because I’m pissed with the higher ups. If I would leave or even make a bluff, might as well it is for a better company and position.

So my cousin, with her recruiter account on LinkedIn, found me very good job openings that are not local but have potential to be remote/in Manila.

I just need to sit down and fill out the forms…probably later when I meet a potential source today in Makati. He has been bugging me since August last year and now he’s in the country, he asked for a meeting. Might as well listen to what he has to offer me and what can I do for him.

Anyway, I am scared of what I am going to do. What if I get into a worse situation just because I’m pissed at management and my emotions got the better of me?

So I talked to my friend who works for this news agency that posted that job ad that I thought I am qualified for. She says it’s a totally different world from what she does. While it’s still the usual up-to-speed kind of journalism, it has a new kind of demand that is taxing to the body and brain cells. She says it requires the editor at times to hop on the plane in the morning to see the Chinese vessels shooting at Philippine coast guards in Palawan then jump into a panel discussion about interest rate differentials while producing more in-depth 1,000-3,000-word articles. It’s a new challenge but it requires a new kind of adrenaline rush.

I asked her, at this age, can we still do it? Can we still continue with this high-stress, fast-paced kind of news reporting when we’re raising kids while our bodies are already screaming for rest on weekends.

“I KNOW, RIGHT?! I’m in that kind of situation now,” my friend KL said.

We will be having drinks in Makati tomorrow to discuss these mid-life questions.

This is me in a nutshell, described in an Instagram reel:

And my kids are the driving force for my healing.

They made my day better.

I was getting overwhelmed today by the sheer amount of work I must finish and by the conflicting emotions I have regarding my company and applying for other jobs. As my bestfriend said, I have to really dig deep to know what I really want.

So all these things just paralyzed me. Good thing my meeting was cancelled today and was moved to tomorrow. Because I was like this most of the day:

Did manage to push out one story today. I must really, really solve this personal crisis before my performance at work suffers, whether I like my company or not.