I’m not myself today. I edited 6 stories, I think, while doing some admin stuff. It was supposed to be ok but I wasn’t. I should have just let this be a basura day but I worked my ass off even after publishing two stories yesterday.

I felt ugly and fat today. I feel inconsequential. I just want to lay on a hammock and let this feeling fade away.

Being triggered so much last night reminded me that I should be kinder to myself. I need to put these feelings on paper, with color. Just to let this all out. I’m not good with drawing and painting but it’s an outlet that is different from my day job. Cheaper than photography too.

I clicked. Yes, I finally bought that Kuretake Gansai Tambi. I justified the expense as necessary for my mental health. And that #1 brush.

I put them in frames temporarily so that the cats wouldn’t be able to destroy them. The Baguio trees would be given to Kr while the flowers would be hung downstairs until I produce better ones.

UPDATE: I couldn’t sleep

My gay friend, K, told me he’s in Makati Med for a burst appendix. He should’ve told me earlier so I could’ve visited him. He said it’s ok, he was in a lot of pain anyway. I told him I’m gonna send him home cooked food when he comes home to his condo. He says he loves my cooking and was delighted. I’ll throw in a Chinese botanical drawing to cheer him up. He has been very supportive of my art therapy.

I have a lot of friends, I have to remind myself. They love me and I love them. I should count my blessings.

This feeling should fade away. Tomorrow will be better. I’ll just have to adjust and work somewhere else probably.

Maybe on Saturday we can go to National Art Museum and then to Intramuros. Have lunch or dinner along Manila Bay.

This clip makes you think Metro Manila is ok. 😶 So deceptive.