Tag Archives: sewing

Vitamin Sea

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Anilao, Mabini, Batangas. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Old and fresh wounds have opened up and as expected, I had trouble sleeping despite taking alprazolam. I hate this. I thought I’m done with this. I thought I’m mending. I thought I’m going to be alright. I thought wrong.

I’m still so, so far. A little thank you sends so many bitter memories and feelings. I’m like this broken vase that keeps cracking, breaking, and repairing itself with little bits and pieces of whatever could be salvaged.

I hope I’m not a zombie by Monday since Asian markets will be back again. Inflation concerns are creeping up. I should be alert and scoop up FMETF when it dips. I have US-East Asia de-SPAC stories to write. I have a lot of things to write 🤦🏻‍♀️

I want a huge dose of Vitamin sea now but I have to be careful. I checked with Blue Ribbon yesterday if my reservation for last year is still intact; they said it’s there and I just have to tell them when I will have the 4D-3N reservation. Probably we’ll go there when the winds are kinder and the diving sites are much pleasant. I would have to buy the doughnut and diving buoy. I should buy those fins meant for free dives, too. How about underwater camera???

By June probably we can go to Bohol (if resorts are already operating) or Moalboal for the sardine run. The girls suggested Palawan for my solo trip to refresh me. They know everything that’s why they are rallying behind me.

Do the things that I love to banish this pain. Do the things that make me ME and not feel small when others seem to lead shinier lives. I’m not like that. I like contemplative activities, as well as the outdoors, but I also like creating a home. I like taking care of others. K said he misses my cooking so I said we’ll have barbeque outside my apartment with other friends. Just no talk of his sexcapades with his one-night-stand boylets or else my neighbors will be scandalized.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I finished one panel. Two panels more for the girls’ bedroom. Then I will tackle the curtains for the living room.

Later today or tomorrow when I’m feeling much better, I will tackle the container garden. Seeing flowers make me happy. I like working with my hands, be it cooking, gardening or crafting. But I also like having battle of wits with CEOs for mental calisthenics. Putting a lot of platitudes on a social media profile only makes one look shallow. I’d rather have cerebral swordfights with these guys and earn their respect. During my last interview, the CEO of a firm abroad told me he enjoyed our conversation because I get it.

Hmm, maybe I should have a side gig interviewing people on TV. I can probably pitch…

Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I will get through this. One day there will be no more pain. I will look back when I’m 60 and say, yeah, I’ve lived a good life: raised my kids, have good friends, did the things I love and not chase shallowness and illusions. And yeah, libraries have the books I wrote.

One day, no more pain. Oh God, it hurts right now.

It’s 5:39 am. It seems like meeting daylight is a regular thing for me now.

I’ve come to hate the night. What used to be a time that offers rest and tranquility is now a time of chaos and restlessness. I can’t take alprazolam again because it’s a controlled substance, therefore, addictive. For goodness’ sake, it’s a tranquilizer!

When will this end? Haven’t I carried this cross long enough? I wish I could snap my fingers and boom–it’s gone. No, it doesn’t work that way.

I’m trying. I’m really trying.

If loving unconditionally means long-term suffering like this, then I no longer choose to love like that ever. I am really swearing off this thing called love. It’s just for my girls and the cats, that’s it. God, I can’t take this anymore.

A few words of wisdom

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A friend just sent me this via FB Messenger a few minutes ago. She and I are both trying to heal from bad breakups. She even flew to Maryland from here to be with the guy but he just took her for granted. She went to NY and stayed with her brother to heal. She says she will be coming back home here if things don’t pan out there.

I told her, the reason I’m going back to my past is to rediscover some things I lost.

I may be wrong, but this is how I am coping with this trauma. This is how I pick myself up when I sink into my episodes. Because when you have trauma, the triggers will surely be pulled and the bullet will go straight into your head. Healing from trauma is managing how to get the bullet out of your head. Later I would learn how to dodge the bullet when the triggers are pulled.

In the meantime, I am sewing these masks so that my co-hosts and I would have uniform masks on Saturday for our high school alumni homecoming. Our class shirt is light blue so these teal masks are unisex and would go with our shirts. Sewing these keeps me busy and helps me remove the bullet from my head. Especially now that my first death anniversary is coming up on the 17th-18th–that is already next week!

Hand-sewn masks. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Revenge shopping

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My new peach rose. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Last Thursday I couldn’t help myself, I still bought a new rose bush and a sunflower.

I have yet to transfer it to a terracotta pot. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My white rose blooming again. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

With careful tending, my white rose bush is blooming again while my mini pink rose and yellow rose are forming buds again. Roses require a lot of attention like regular fertilizing, deadheading, and trimming.

Sunflower past its prime. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Meanwhile, this sunflower seems to be always thirsty. This big flower is past its prime but it has a number of buds at its back. Needs careful tending as well.

Today we went to Tiendesitas to buy Twin I a new bathing suit from Decathlon since the new one I bought a couple of months ago no longer fit her. They will be going to the beach with their dad during the Christmas holidays so I need to buy them new clothes. It’s hard to rely on home measurements or eyeballing shoe sizes and clothes.

Trying the archery set at Decathlon Pasig. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I went overboard though. Not only did I buy them new running shoes (because Twin’s growing feet could no longer fit in her months-old shoes), I bought them sports bras, running jerseys (to use when we go biking), duffel bags, and sleeping bags for our camping trip in January.

Then we ate ramen at Tenya, the first time we ate out since the pandemic began last year in March. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I want to buy some Japanese lanterns. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
To make this little corner alive. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

We dropped by at Mr. DIY for some home improvement stuff and miscellaneous items that the girls bought as gifts to their best friend who is celebrating her birthday tomorrow. The girls will be picked up tomorrow by the their friend’s parent while I will be driving to my hometown because we have a livestream at 8 pm.

And I bought fake flowers because I couldn’t have real ones inside the house. Because cats.

We bought a laser pointer to play with the cats. They need more exercise. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

And I finally finished the last panel of my granny curtains for my room. I’m running out of projects to do.

My room is getting cozier. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My high school friends said I should bring my new piano tomorrow so we could jam. I missed being in a band–mostly the jamming sessions with friends. The part where we were on the road for gigs…not so much. That part was exhausting and we had day jobs then.

Hmm I have to bring my camera to take a video, for posterity’s sake. Jamming session after 20 years.

Investing 101

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My high school friends and I were throwing ideas on FB Messenger about the next topics to tackle in our live stream for January. I suggested that we take up basics of investing because a lot of people even in their 40s have no idea how to go about it. I said why not we talk about what are the investment instruments that you should have when your investment horizon is 6 months, 1 year, 3-5 years, or 10years ++? I told them I remember interviewing the president of COL Financial about 13-14 years ago about this and he gave me excellent tips that I use up to this day.

I did a similar interview with then-PSE president Hans Sicat about the basics of stock market investing for my TV network. We did an #askPSE live tweet segment then to popularize stock market investing and to widen the local retail investing base.

I really should upgrade my digital camera now. *sigh* I should get what some Youtubers use for clear videos. And a good video editing software. These videos are just raw videos for posting on my TV network’s online news website and wasn’t meant for broadcast since these videos are accompanied by texts. I just collated them in my channel, which is just a dumping ground of my interviews that had nowhere to go.

Like this one:

I think this interview was done during Ayala Corp’s annual general meeting in April 2012.

I should fix my Youtube channel because I have a lot of interviews that could be used as reference or they could be standalone news stories.

On the other side of the coin, I was almost scammed this morning but good thing I was alert.

So you see I have posted the ad (on several FB groups/marketplace/platforms) that I am selling my Roland E-09 arranger keyboard and I had been receiving inquiries about it. Most were low-ballers but there was one potential buyer who was keen. Then long story short, we came to the advance payment part of the conversation.

Then he sent me a G-Cash payment alert

However, I realized that it wasn’t a notice for payment; it was a notice that he asked for payment as a remittance fee. It was fishy because the remittance fee was exorbitant.

I searched on Google and found that KKB (kanya-kanyang bayad) a.k.a. Dutch Treat is a function in G-Cash, like Venmo in the US, where you can split the bill and you can receive a payment from your friend for his share of the bill. The scammer made it look like it was a notice from Moneygram and at first glance it was convincing. But Moneygram transfers don’t look like this.

When I told the “buyer” this was a scam, he blocked me and left the FB messenger chat. I posted on Twitter and FB about this modus operandi and I asked my friends to report the scammer. I had one TV reporter friend from my old network to message the scammer that the network received a complaint about him and he would be reported to NBI.

I would check his many FB accounts if they’re still up. The fucker.

I was so incensed that I finished a floor-length curtain panel for my room to let off steam. By hand.

My granny curtains. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’m trying to have more prints in the house because white is boring. Next time I will try graphic prints and see how it would look and if I like them. So far I’m in this cottagecore phase again, just like when I was in high school. My bedspread then were florals and I crocheted doilies, my study table was decorated with figurines of rabbits and similar designs that would go with the cottagecore aesthetic. Then when I started working, I gravitated towards Asian designs, the zen mode–the minimalism phase. I went for Budji Layug x Francisco Mañosa designs with a sprinkling of Japanese aesthetic. This is my rebellion against the horror vacui that Filipinos are known for and which my ex-in-laws were going for. I simply rejected this pack rat mentality and this design aesthetic that was an assault to the senses.

Speaking of designs, I already contacted my future contractor and he will meet my mom on Thursday or Friday and I will do a video call with them so I can explain what I wanted. It would have been great if we could have met on a weekend so I can drive down there but he’s also a busy guy as I see him posting his multiple projects. He and I used to chat a lot in high school over the ham radio. Fun times.

Escape to crafts

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Kimchi ruining whatever I am working on. Such a petulant child. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I got stressed yesterday with all the drama that’s happening in national news that I was able to finish one curtain panel that I sewed by hand. Right after the 8 yards of fabric I ordered from Shopee arrived, I sewed like mad to relieve me of stress and forget that the Philippines will soon be doomed.

If only Singapore is not that expensive, I would be willing to move and forget about the idiots that will be voting for the equally idiotic people running for office.

Kinda proud of my dainty stitches. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Nearly finished. It has a satiny texture to this. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Et voila! My first granny curtain panel. I intentionally made it short so the curtain wouldn’t cover the modem and the aircon unit. I need to finish the masks that I need to ship out this week so I can proceed with sewing the two panels of 3-yard curtains that I must immediately hang in this room so this 1.5 yard panel would not look out of place. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I’ll get rid of the stuffed toys on the shelf because they look so juvenile. I just put them there because the shelves were empty and looked forlorn when I sent the Gundam figures to J and I had to have something there in the interim. Now I can put books there as they started to overflow from my closet.

My daughter, Twin A, started choosing fabrics on Shopee and said I should start sewing the curtains for our future flat. I said, darling, we still don’t know how big the windows will be. That’s the reason why I’m not cutting this curtain rod because I’ll be taking this and the other the curtain rods with us.

I needed a creative outlet to escape reality for a while. So I resorted to sewing. I’m not yet brave enough to pick up the brush or charcoal. I need to watch more Domestika courses on sketching and watercolor paintings before I venture into those again.

I think I will be sewing a lot of things before I can get back into the groove and start traveling again. When I assume my new role probably by next year, I need to fly to all the cities we are covering, starting with Ho Chi Minh (I have already lined up my meetings). But Covid is coming back with a vengeance as cases start to rise again in Europe.

I think I will be making a lot of curtains.

Snippets

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I had back-to-back-to-back conferences and calls today and it will be like this for the rest of the week. The most hectic will be on Thursday when I will have 4 press conferences on top of big regional conferences. I wonder how I will stretch myself.

I have two interviews tomorrow and three regional conferences. I’m tempted to add another screen to my dual monitor setup. Hmm… Maybe I could use the laptop’s screen as a third screen. Crazy week.

We already made peace. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Kimchi has somehow forgiven me and has started hanging out with me again. But I still need to continue giving her the antibiotic and antacid. The vomiting has stopped ofter 24 hrs of giving her the oral meds last week.

Florals. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I still sew masks to help me relax at night while watching YouTube videos of crafting, interior design, or whatever creative things that help me calm down. I’m going to give this batch to my cousin who just arrived from Ireland. It’s her birthday today. I think she still has my drunken video about Chris Hemsworth from 2018 when she and another cousin came to my old house to celebrate my singlehood. The next day I was so hungover while packing my bags and was almost late for my flight to Singapore.

Prior to this, I gave the last batch of masks as an appreciation gift to one of my friends from the industry who sent groceries when I was half-dead with Covid. They posted my gifts on Facebook; it seemed like they were really happy with them.

Next projects would be curtains again but with crochet laces at the hem. All handmade by me. Good luck to me.