Co-dependency is not a disorder. It is a learned behavior that can be reversed, or so the experts say. Just like most co-dependents, I learned it from my mother. And just like other co-dependents, I never had a good model of what a healthy romantic relationship looks like. That’s why we (the girls in my family) always had dysfunctional relationships.

I want to cut the chains. I don’t want my girls to learn this behavior. I want them to see for themselves that they can exist and be loved without having to depend on external sources (partner) and be happy. That they have to be happy with themselves and be fulfilled. They don’t need validation from other people. They should see that they just shouldn’t accept crumbs of love from their partner. They deserve to be loved wholly and truthfully.

I deserve to be loved wholly and truthfully. I should be loved for what I am and not for what I could offer. I should no longer accept crumbs. Nor pity nor guilt. And I should stick into the gray matter between my ears that people who deserve me will make the effort to stay in my life. Not throw me away after my usefulness has expired.

Love myself to cut the chains. That’s my resolution for 2021.

Kalimutan mo na sya, hindi ka nya mahal. At ang tanging nasabi nya lang sa yo ay sorry.