I sent J yesterday the last batch of his stuff he left behind. I saw on Grab it was delivered but there was no word from him, no thanks, no acknowledgment. Nothing.
I was miffed. Like what did I do wrong to this person to earn this kind of treatment??? I was just being nice!
But then a friend reminded me, this is not about me. “It’s not you. Nothing is wrong with you,” K said.
Then I reminded myself, yeah, he has a problem. He could not be nice to me, until the end. He’s not really a nice person 😔
I just had to vent out to my friend and then move on. I slept on it. I’m ok now. As I told K, I am loved by my family and friends and a lot of people appreciate me. They sent their help and love to me when I was really sick with Covid. Then that means nothing is wrong with me as a person.
My girls kept on making me cards, sending their love. Reminding me of the most important thing in this world: my children.
Choose people who choose you.
That’s the lesson I learned from this experience with J. I should love myself as much as I loved him. If I had more self-confidence and self-love, and didn’t think that I had to do more and become a doormat to earn his love, I wouldn’t have gone through the ugly last six months of our relationship that crushed my self-esteem.
I think I have finally let him go, in the truest sense. Like whatever he does that is not connected to me will no longer affect me. He no longer has the power to hurt me. I have taken that power back.
Happiness is a choice. I choose to be happy. I will love myself more and enjoy my life as I ought to.