Tag Archives: journalists

Waiting

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Cat waiting for her two-legged sister to come back. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Last night I had been chatting with an ex-colleague for hours while we were holding a vigil for another ex-colleague who was about to expire.

Basically we waiting for the expected and praying for his eternal peace. He got severe Covid and while in the hospital, it was discovered he had terminal liver cancer. After he was off the tubes, he was allowed to go home for palliative care. Then we were told by his family that we can send him voice messages. I wrote about this a few days ago.

So last night this ex-colleague, A, and I were talking about him. We also talked about how we got so tired fighting for what we believed in, for what is right, which our sick friend and colleague, N, did all his life. He died last night while we were talking about him.

We all cared so much for an industry that did not love us back, that we were so passionate about our profession but we got burned so many times. There was so much corruption and abuse.

So it’s about time that we should start to live our lives, she said. Start preparing for retirement. She told me I was one of the few very good and clean journalists whom she wanted to stand out and do more great things but the system is so rotten that she understands why I turned my back on it. I told her I went to the extreme end; at least my niche is unapologetic about serving the corporate big machine and no pretense that this kind of journalism is the crusading kind. That it is upfront about being all about making money for our audience. That’s why I can be emotionally detached from it. Just bring my skills and produce good stories and that’s it. It was no longer about saving the world.

Every now and then I still do take up the cudgels, when the messiah syndrome comes knocking. One day I can go back to it. In another form. In some way or another.

A and I were talking about retiring into our small homes, growing our own food, living sustainably away from the city. She will go home to Mindanao while I am still figuring out where I want to go. My girls and I could end up in my hometown, or near the sea, or in Hyogo Prefecture, or outside Utrecht, or somewhere.

I’m no longer trying to reach the highest level in the ladder nor chasing accolades and titles…But I haven’t really been chasing them in the first place. I only felt pressured to do so when J came into my life because it was what he was chasing after. It was the time I questioned myself, what was I doing with my life? Why am I just stuck as a journalist when I can be doing something in the finance world?

Then when he dumped me, I began to question again what was really my core? What is my essence? What do I want to do for the rest of my life?

Peace. I want peace and contentment. I want to live a life, my life, and not chase somebody else’s dream for them.

So I am working towards that goal now. I don’t know how but I know I will get there.

Every now and then it does occur to me that I can pivot and do what my other ex-colleagues are doing now. My ex-boss in HK (also came from here, we were in the same circle when she was still here in the country) is now a managing director in an advisory firm, which I can do as well if I devote more years into this company to reach some milestones to fatten up my resume. Another friend who also came from a hardcore journalism background is now doing partnership deals for a fintech company. Which I think I can also do.

Now the question is, do I want to do it? Let’s see what the wind may bring. All I know is I want peace and to live my life. To have time to stop and smell the roses.

And write.

I am waiting.

When things are meant for me, they just fall on my lap. Let’s see what happens.

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW WHEN DATING A JOURNALIST

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I found this entry from an old blog of mine when I was looking for inspiration to pick up blogging again. I still find it relevant to my life, especially that I am an online journalist who lives in a much faster news cycle.

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THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW WHEN DATING A JOURNALIST

i’m taking a cue from 5 things you should know when dating a journalist. (which is a little too arrogant for my taste. no wonder the author is still single).

here is my version, philippine context.

1. we’re perpetually poor. we cannot take you to fancy restaurants—unless we have gift checks. since we’re poor, expect us to to go dutch.

2. we drop everything when our desks a.k.a editors call to do some breaking stories.

3. we are forever tethered to our laptops and cellphones because of item number 2 above. no, it’s not because we’re having an affair or we have another boyfriend in another city or building. it’s just when the mother ship calls, we have to answer. live with it.

one classic example was our colleague who lost everything to tropical storm ‘ondoy’ last year. the only ones she was able to save were her children, the shirts on their backs, her cellphone and laptop.

4. we are not part of the philippines as we are not covered by regular, special or any other holidays. sometimes long weekends as a result of public holidays being moved to monday or friday mean more work for us.

5. we have irregular working hours. sometimes we can work at home but sometimes we can log in 14-hour day workdays. deal with it.

6. we wake up at 9 am (if we really want to be sprite and early) because of item number 5 above. so don’t call us in the morning. we’re not half-human before 9 am.

7. we just love our coffee. some of us run on caffeine because long press conferences and senate hearings make us sleepy. just look at the roster of senate front-runners: bong, jinggoy, lito lapid…

8. we’re assholes and bitches by nature (the degree varies from one journalist and news organization to another) because we have to be. i haven’t met any shrinking violet journalist or if ever there was one, she/he would have been out of the business within a year. we deal with some of the country’s most powerful, famous/infamous, richest and brightest/dumbest. we have to be tougher so that we can talk to them at eye level. if you can’t take that, then i’m sorry we are not for each other. move on.

9. we may sound like we are name-dropping on purpose when we talk about our day-to-day affairs with you. some of us do but most of the time we barely notice that we already sound like arrogant fools. but no, that’s life for us.

10. we lead interesting lives. that’s one aspect that attracted you to us. we are interesting. we must be knowledgeable about so many things so that we can write about anything—even if we really don’t know anything at all. we like to bluff our way out of any article or situation.

11. and we lead dangerous lives. and most of the time we live for it. as one older colleague said, “yey may libel [case] na ako! i’m made!” talk about being twisted.

12. we’re grammar nazis/snobs. even if some of us are grammatically flawed.

13. we always carry big bags. especially women journalists. we have to have our: digital recorders, digital cameras, notebooks, tons of pens, laptops, 2 cellphones and/or wireless landline, chargers for all of our gadgets—on top of our regular stuff like kikay kits and whatnot.

14. we like gossip. we like to gossip. that’s how we get our leads.

15. we work hard, we party hard. we like our beer. and karaoke. if you can’t dig it, then we are not meant for each other.

16. we are jaded. the greatest cynics of this country.

17. we like interviewing our dates. that’s how we get our information. if we cannot pry it out of you, then we talk to different people who orbit you or those people who may even just be remotely related or known to you. that’s how we operate. if you can’t take the hot seat, then get out. but that’s a shame—that means we really like you.

18. we always have deadlines. sometimes deadlines come first before you do. because deadlines can really kill us. our editors are nasty beasts, especially when they haven’t had their coffees. we’re talking, walking time bombs.

19. we easily get bored. if you’re an uninteresting person, then good luck, we won’t be seeing you ever again!

20. we’re hard to pin down. we cannot exactly tell you where we would be at 2 pm because we might be a) doing an ambush interview and God knows where that would be; b) we may be chasing a story and God knows where that would lead us; c) unless there is a press conference scheduled at that time, we cannot tell you exactly what we would be doing then.