I was just supposed to do my grocery shopping today but I ended up spending 4 hrs with a friend who asked for counsel about her career.

I was the one who helped her transition from media to another industry (via my connections and gave her good backing). I was also instrumental in her pursuit of a master’s degree from Australia via a scholarship (also gave her topics for her dissertation because it was within my area of expertise). Due medical issues, she must now leave the agency she has worked for but she still has to complete her contract service. Complicated, but long story short, I was able to help her clear her head and suggested to her the appropriate steps to take so the ends are tied neatly.

Basically, stress almost killed her. She suffered from high levels of anxiety (that job is really stressful) that led to stroke. She had to go through physical therapy, speech therapy, etc. so she can regain her old self. And as a former broadcast journalist, losing your ability to speak is devastating.

It was the same kind of stress and anxiety attacks that my other friend, M, is experiencing. His BP is shooting through the roof, too alarming that he had to be brought to the ER. It is happening regularly that he needed to take a 4-month medical leave.

I told this friend, T, that we as journalists have this bad habit of ignoring our bodies when they’re breaking down because we are used to just pushing forward—because that’s what we are supposed to do. Now she realizes that mental health is not trivial.

We had discussed so many things while driving, while walking around UP campus—16k steps in all—and it feels good to untangle cobwebs while exercising.

She was so thankful I took time to see her. I said, if there’s one thing that this Covid pandemic taught me, it is that I should make time for people who are important to me. I told her that there’s a reason why I had to go through so many bullshit and earn cuts and bruises—maybe because my role in this universe is to counsel friends. To share my experiences like struggles with mental health caused by bad breakups, trauma, work, etc. Experience in managing people and in having bad bosses and ok mentors. And overall experience in the industry. As a true empath, I absorb all these and then I make sure my friends and loved ones don’t fall into the same ditch.

I said whether it’s work or relationships, we must take care of ourselves. Because T and I are both empaths, we tend to lose ourselves in the service of others. In relationships, we roll the red carpet and over-extend ourselves, while in the process, we slowly but painfully kill ourselves.

We need to set our boundaries so we don’t melt and disappear like candles because we tend to give and give even though we don’t get any in return.

Boundaries are physical manifestations of self-love. We empaths need to preserve ourselves so we do not just melt, evaporate, and disappear because we gave too much.