Merry Christmas!

It was just a simple affair today. Last night’s dinner was early and we just ordered from fastfood stores because we’re all lazy. We retired early. For lunch today I grilled steak for my sisters and mom, brought chardonnay but they didn’t have a wine bottle opener 🤦🏻‍♀️

Steak for my sisters. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Meanwhile, I just indulged in blueberry cream cake (there was no cheese in it) because when I come back to my apartment, I will continue with my simple diet of lazy food. Sandwich or dumplings and soup.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I left home at around 3 pm, distributed some gifts to friends, and drove back to QC. But then K messaged me if we can have a quick dinner in Makati at around 6 pm. I arrived at 5 pm and did some revenge shopping. Bought tops from Uniqlo, shoes and bag from Hush Puppies, and necklace and earrings from SM. Because why not? It’s Christmas! It has been two years since I bought shoes and clothes for myself.

I quickly changed shoes and top and put on the jewelry in a bathroom at Glorietta 5 before my dinner with K. This gay friend of mine always urged me to look decent and to work out to lose my flabs. He even brought me to his gym once to force me to exercise. He has been pushing me to lose weight for 15 years already. 🤣 However, I’m really not an indoor girl. I’m more motivated if I exercise outside.

Anyway, during dinner we talked about a lot of stuff and as usual he told me about his sexcapades in Boracay during his break. I’m not really sure if his being gay made him promiscuous (because they can’t procreate) or it’s just in his personality. Whatever. It’s funny how we can talk about work when we’re from competing news wires.

When I drove him to his condo, he told me he’s happy that I’m my perky self again, unlike the previous dinners/lunches we had this year when there was still some kind of shadow lurking behind my eyes. Especially last year when he came to the rescue and pulled me out of my apartment and treated me to a pre- new year’s eve lunch to help me verbalize what just happened i.e. the breakup. I rarely went out to dine this year and if I did, it was with him. I knew he was trying to cheer me up. So he is in the best position to judge how far I have come. He was the one to message me after the breakup to get out of my bed and take a shower and brush my teeth. He always asked me if I was able to sleep. He did it everyday for a couple of months after the breakup.

That’s how friends are. They prop you up when you’re dead until you live again.

Every girl needs a gay friend. Someone to remind her that she looks like trash so she needs to smarten up. Someone to criticize her shoes and makeup. Someone to tell her that she’s fat so she needs to exercise and nags her until she does. And someone to tell her that the world will be alright after a breakup.

Explosion came too early

My tire burst ahead of New Year fireworks. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

My tire burst while I was driving along a provincial road. Good thing it was along a populated area dotted with vulcanizing shops. And they were still open even if it’s Christmas Eve.

Good thing the vulcanizing shop is nearby or else I would have to change the heavy tires myself. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Good thing also that it didn’t happen while I was driving at 90 kmph along the expressway! God knows what would have happened to me.

Small tire shop still open. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

And when I reached my hometown, it was just pure luck that I chanced upon this small tire shop that was about to close for Christmas Eve. I bought two new 205s for the front and had the old front wheels transferred at the back. The lone old back wheel was demoted as a spare tire.

The last time I had a tire issue was last year when we went to Anilao in August. At that time I didn’t make it an issue that J left me to do all the work under the rain.

I was soaking wet.

Looking back I don’t know if he knows how to change tires or he just really didn’t care. I was hurt at that time but I didn’t want to dwell on it because I needed to function. I HAD NO MORE HEADSPACE for such things at that time.

Anyway, after my business with the tires today, I got home ate a very late lunch (at 3 pm) and slept. It was a tiring ordeal.

My mom’s Christmas decor. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Obviously they don’t have a cat.


Speaking of J, I had a strange dream him about him this morning before I woke up at 9:30 am. We were in my bed in my room here in my mom’s house. When my mom opened my door, she asked me in a plain curious way why J is still here. I couldn’t explain. I was searching for good excuses but I couldn’t come up with any.

When I woke up, I ruminated over it. It was probably my subconsciousness asking my rational self why is J still dwelling in me. And I couldn’t come up with any explanation other than the obvious. Then I calmly told my rational self that I will get over him in due time. I’m still fixing myself. This time last year I was a zombie who couldn’t sleep. Nowadays I sleep too much and I’m feeling so much better than 12 months ago. I was playing music tonight and sang for almost 3 hours. (Although my younger sister said I have so much pent up emotions to be able to sing for 3 hrs straight).

Am I still angry? I don’t know. I can’t hold on to anger and I don’t know who should I be angry at. Him? I have already accepted that he’s not a nice person. Am I angry with myself for ignoring that fact and that I have many flaws that’s why he was like that to me? I shouldn’t be hard on myself. It’s not my fault. ⬅️ I’m still coming to terms with this.

However, I do hope he’s having a nice Christmas, wherever he is.

JamĂłn

I love hams (jamĂłn in Spanish or hamon in Tagalog spelling). Not the canned kind; it’s the one that people had painstakingly cured for some months. Every Christmas since the Spanish colonial period, well-to-do Filipinos make jamĂłn as the centerpiece of the noche buena (“evening of goodness”, which is Christmas Eve), kinda like the turkey for the American thanksgiving. It is served after the misa de gallo (Catholic midnight mass) and the whole family (or rather the extended family) would gather in the comedor (“dining room).

This tradition has been passed down to us and I remember there were lean times when we were kids and didn’t have the jamĂłn and my lolo (abuelo in Spanish; grandfather) would just cook his legendary American Southern fried chicken (he used to be a cook in the US in the 1920s or 30s). I would only taste jamĂłn during Christmas that’s why I’m so fond of it. It evokes Christmases in Batangas, where my parents are from, and later on Christmases spent in my hometown after my grandparents had passed. JamĂłn reminded me of the times I would go home from Manila for Christmas and go AWOL after Dec 16 and only reappear in our office after Jan 2. I would make ham sandwiches to take to my room while I reread the entire Lord of the Rings book set, including Silmarillion and The Hobbit for a week or less.

Not all jamĂłns are created equal. The Filipino hamon is the sweet kind given the Filipinos’ propensity for sweet food. It’s cured in wet brine with other spices. Then it is brushed and baked or boiled in azucar or brown sugar (especially in sugar plantation areas of Central Philippines or Western Visayas) or pineapple juice. I heard some people smoke it.

Meanwhile, my mom’s favorite is the Chinese ham. She told me of her good memories of when they were young, my lolo would bring home a whole hind leg of pork that he cured in salt and some spices and dried for months. And he would hang it over the stove to be smoked and he would cut small pieces of it for them to eat slowly. For this type of ham, I think I like the local Chinese ham by Majestic and Excelente. I remember bringing home one entire leg of ham and my mother enjoyed every bite of it.

But the best one, which Jeffrey Steingarten even waxed lyrical about, is the jamĂłn Iberico. After I gorged myself with it with some red and white wine and tapas in one Aboitiz party (where I think all the Spanish families of the Philippines congregated for one night), I have concluded it is the best tasting ham there is. And the most expensive.

The most expensive ham (Jamon Iberico de bellota) since a leg of this costs USD 4,500. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Jamon Iberico has some salt to it but it is faint. It is cut very thinly, almost paper-like, for you to taste its gentle but complex flavor. Other people may mistake it for prosciutto but the latter is too salty. Jamon Iberico can stand on its own without cheese and toast when you’re drinking wine before dinner.

I may be committing a crime here but I ate my jamon Iberico de bellota with rice for today’s brunch (I was so hungry!) I couldn’t drink wine and I had to give some bottles away so I had the jamon with C2 tea (OK, you can nail me to the cross now).

Brunch of jamon Iberico on rice, Korean side dishes and veggie salad.

It was lovely, lovely, lovely.

For dinner tonight, I heated on my tamagoyaki pan some slices of Filipino hamon to make ham sandwiches for dinner and brunch for tomorrow before I drive off to my hometown to spend the Christmas with my family sans the twins.

Speaking of diving off, my car ripped me off again. I had to have my clutch/water pump fan changed and have new blades installed this evening or else my engine would overheat and my compressor would need to work double time. My old clutch fan was already freewheeling, hence, it was no longer efficient and providing cool air for my diesel engine.

Don’t mind the scratch; the deed was done a long time ago. Phoyo by CallMeCreation.com

After I’m done with my tiny house’s construction, my next project will be a new car. A roomy car that can take three folding bikes and a tent.

The universe is giving back to me

Christmas tree at the lobby of EDSA Shangri-la Manila. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

I attended my first face-to-face presscon this afternoon in almost two years. Two years. That long. I no longer know how it is to meet new CEOs–I forgot to bring my business cards. I got a nice story out of that and more.

Since I will be on leave starting this Friday, the new meetings I will be having are already lined up for January. I will be having a very busy 2022.

I’m blessed this year despite the hardships I’ve been through, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Good things have been coming my way. ❤️

I don’t know if this is escitalopram talking but I find life nowadays peaceful. Life is beautiful.

One day I’ll look back on 2020-2021 and tell myself, Yeah you survived that.

Someday I will be ok.

Four days left

Whoppeeee! Four working days left before I can take my longgggg holiday.

Since traffic is horrible, I’m wondering how we can spend 17-20 Dec peacefully at home. Twin I will surely nag me about going somewhere…

I missed my cats so I made them lose their minds once again 🤣. They didn’t leave me last night and made sure they disrupted my sleep until 4 am; that’s when I threw them out of my room. Those damned cats made sure I was always awake 🤦🏻‍♀️

I conducted a one-on-one training with our new reporter the entire day. I have been making inroads in Vietnam and I hope I can fly there to touch base with my contacts and the new reporter. I have to be more hands-on now.


I remember years of not being able to have a long Christmas holiday or any kind of holiday because I had a hard time turning off the tap. I put so much value in my work that my profession has become my identity. I had a very unhealthy relationship with work. I didn’t let myself rest because news never rested. It burned me out so much that I had tried quitting the profession three times. And it keeps pulling me back.

Many of my colleagues will say that journalism feels like a natural extension of being a curious human in the world, which makes it harder yet to unlink our lives from our professions. Traits like curiosity or doggedness can correlate, or predispose us to how we decide to spend our time professionally — and in other arenas of life — rather than the other way around (i.e. our job imparting traits on us that make us who we are).

When I started realizing the distinction between who I am and what I do to earn a living, I started to draw better boundaries around the latter. I no longer work weekends or cover news. (I have two Post-it’s in my office I read every day: “I don’t have to do everything;” “I will not be at the whims of the news cycle.”) And I would argue that those boundaries haven’t made me feel any less of a journalist: I can be committed to telling accurate, illuminating stories when I put work in a box of its own.

Wudan Yan, Poynter.org

The above passages are true of me: I always filter the world through the lenses of a journalist that oftentimes I forget I am a human with feelings and not a slave to the news cycle. I remember working until 3 am because of some breaking news or events that needed to be posted. I didn’t allow myself to be human because there is always the expectation that what I was doing is public service.

Journalism fundamentally trains us to be more observant, analytical and critical of the world around us. When I first entered the field, some of my colleagues joked that journalists are great at understanding others and their problems, but are terrible at recognizing their own. What if we turned that journalistic lens inward to reflect on how we identify, and how those identifiers serve us — or not?

Wudan Yan, Poynter.org

However good I was doing analysis of events or stories, I could not analyze my own self until my world burned itself. I had to step back and disassociate myself.

Now I found the perfect way to manage this problem: Cover stories that you are not passionate about. That’s why I no longer want to cover national/political events. High finance is hardly a passionate topic, unless I am venture capitalist or Warren Buffet who gets his high whenever he closes a deal.

That’s the secret how I lasted this long in this current job. It doesn’t suck the life out of me.

“There’s professional identity and then there’s personal identity, (which) is tied up in the way that you see your purpose, mission and character,” Usher said. “Those things are distinct, and it’s probably helpful to see it that way.”

Christmas Rush

Driving back to QC is terrible when you lack sleep. I drove for 3 hrs with a pounding head. I think my astigmatism got worse so I need to see an optometrist ASAP. It seems like the pandemic is only a figment of our imagination given the volume of cars out today on the highway and expressway.

Hosting our alumni homecoming last night was ok, except for low battery microphone issues. My class was able to raise about PhP 1.9m (USD 38,000) for the school (IT equipment like laptops for students in need and Internet access for them), digitization of records, and seed money for the endowment fund.

After the event, we just ate, had a little jamming session, and had the hired mobile/sound systems/broadcast/camera equipment company, etc pack their stuff. We didn’t have the energy to party like we did in the past when we only quit when the sun is already up.

This time we were out of the venue by 12 mn. That’s what growing old means.

Because I was so tired and sleepy, my mom and my older sister were the only ones who were able to join the caravan for Leni Robredo in our town and nearby cities this morning. In solidarity, I wore the volunteer shirt last night before we had our live broadcast.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com

On our way back to QC, I bought some plants to give to friends for Christmas.

Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Photo by CallMeCreation.com

These plants are relatives of the birds of paradise (Musaceae) and they have to reach 5 ft before they start flowering. Given the right conditions, that can easily be achieved. Just look at my own birds of paradise, it has grown from a rhizome to 4 ft in 12 months. Had the mother plant lived, it would have flowered by now.

One of the reasons why we needed to go home ASAP is because my cats have been so sad. Ate C sent me another photo of Kimchi waiting for me to enter the door last night.

Waiting.

Meanwhile, my fridge has already given up on me. Ate C had been messaging me while I was driving that the lower part has remained at room temp but the freezer is still ok. She tried her best to do what I did as a band-aid measure when this fridge conked out a few months ago. But Ate C’s efforts it didn’t work.

So the first thing I did when we got home was to scan Lazada for deals. I finally bought the 11.6 cu ft two-door, bottom freezer inverter refrigerator from Panasonic with free shipping. I no longer want LG-branded fridges. This one at home is only 7 years old and the one it replaced was a Samsung, which was only two years old when the insulation burst open and leaked ice and water all over the place. I wanted the Hitachi bottom freezer fridge but Anson’s Online’s pricing was confusing. At first it said there was a discount of about PHP 3,000 but when I was checking out the item in my cart, it went back to the original price. It was dodgy. So they wouldn’t give discounts for those who are using credit cards online? That’s stupid.

And oh, I must talk to my financial advisor. I need to draw down one of my funds because construction for my flat will start in January.

I’m excited and scared.