It’s really nice how Stephen Schwartz, the composer and lyricist of Wicked, talked about how he wrote and composed Wicked. I love the chord progression in and the emotions that came with the song “I’m Not That Girl” that it sticks in my brain. At 14:20 min

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I’m not that girl

Don’t dream too far
Don’t lose sight of who you are
Don’t remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I’m not that girl

Every so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn’t soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who’s winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That’s the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I’m not that girl

Don’t wish, don’t start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn’t born for the rose and pearl
There’s a girl I know
He loves her so

I’m not that girl

Meanwhile, it’s hard to sing “Defying Gravity” while suspended in air. Idina Menzel had to keep up with the sped up version of this song while battling asthma.

And that is one heck of an Elphaba.

Got a new JBL soundbar for the living area. My girls are having friends over to hang out and watch netflix. But basically this is for me while I work in my pseudo-balcony or when I cook. I want my music to follow me. Because, yes, I am obnoxious, I don’t care about my neighbors. It’s just my mom there. 😁

I tried to be early, but you know, I needed a nap after making breakfast for my 7th graders or else I may fall asleep on the wheel. I got to the tailend of the presentation of one company that I got to interview.

I could have doubled the number of stories I produced from this two-day conference but I’m just not up to it. There is no incentive to do so.

I went to Ikea, which is just across SMX where the conference was, to have lunch and work. The restaurant there is huge so it’s less embarassing for me if I stay there for hours to finish work than compared to, let’s say, a coffee shop. I just stayed by the window so I would be away from people energy and I could write and edit with less distractions.

That’s the thing, it’s embarassing to work nowadays in coffee shops because people will get annoyed since I had been hogging the table near the electrical outlet for hours. It’s not that I want to; it’s just when I write or edit, I’m so deep into my thoughts that I’m really not conscious of time passing by so fast.

Last night I was chasing the chairman of a conglomerate in a dinner party in Ortigas. I buttered up the personal body guards of the chairman, held up the elevator to ask him a critical question. Then I got a scoop! I drove all the way from south just for that one question. 😂 But it was all worth it.

Sometimes I do wonder where I get my gumption to do such things.

It was already midnight when I arrived home. 🥴

Then I woke up at 5 am to cook breakfast and tended to my cats’ needs and litter box 😭. Had a 20-min nap at 7 am but I was only able to get out of the house at 8:45 am because you know, mommy things. 🫠

I worked non-stop at the conference, chasing government officials from the Philippines, Indonesia, and Malaysia. I was supposed to stalk one Thai exec but, nah, I was writing stories and editing at the same time.

I’m exhausted.

I was just fuelled by the adrenalin rush that I get from being able to get scoops and write good stories.

This is m one of the two reasons why I am still here with this company for almost a decade: I like the work. The other reason is the flexibilty since I can work anywhere and however I want.

The drawback, however, is that I have forfeited the chance to quadruple my salary or increase my pay by ten-fold. That’s the only way you can jack up your income when you stick to being an employee—jump companies/jobs every two years.

I did try apply for other jobs or entertained those who wanted to pirate me. However, things didn’t pan out. Or maybe I was half-enthusiastic.

Speaking of income, I just realized I am so heavily invested in equities; I should start diversifying my portfolio this month. Start by buying units in mutual funds invested in global bonds, money market instruments, and a bit of equities. You know, the balanced fund.

I was just set back by medical expenses of my daughter but that’s ok. I still have 20 years to build up my retirement funds. Moreover, I shouldn’t stop working; I can still be a consultant until I’m old and gray.

Errr, I need to book my flight and hotel to Singapore for next week. I have already meetings and interviews lined up. My last hurrah for the year.

I used to float, now I just fall down
I used to know but I’m not sure now
What I was made for
What was I made for?

Takin’ a drive, I was an ideal
Looked so alive, turns out I’m not real
Just something you paid for
What was I made for?

‘Cause I, I
I don’t know how to feel
But I wanna try
I don’t know how to feel
But someday, I might
Someday, I might

When did it end? All the enjoyment
I’m sad again, don’t tell my boyfriend
It’s not what he’s made for
What was I made for?

‘Cause I, ’cause I
I don’t know how to feel
But I wanna try
I don’t know how to feel
But someday I might
Someday I might

Think I forgot how to be happy
Something I’m not, but something I can be
Something I wait for
Something I’m made for
Something I’m made for

Somewhere deep down it hurts. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m super hormonal right now. There are so many maybes. I’m super tired. I’m lifting the whole world above my head and I need to keep doing this for eternity.

My girls are no longer little anymore. They are now more conscious of their appearance and young teenaged girls these days are more self-conscious and insecure of how they look compared to my generation as social media magnified this. While I was also very much self-conscious at 13, I couldn’t do anything about my looks because money was tight. Haircut was very basic. We shopped for clothes only twice a year—start of the school year and before Christmas.

Since I have more resources now compared to my parents when I was 13, I have permitted myself to treat my girls a few luxuries to lessen their insecurities. For example, a hair treatment and a haircut.

All my life I have always thought of myself as ugly or unattractive at best. Part of that is because I didn’t have cool clothes, shoes, and nice hair. At least I could ease that anxiety by giving the resources for my girls to have good haircuts.

Meanwhile, our adopted cat has settled in her box that I have provided. In the meantime, she will stay there to keep warm and be less exposed to other bully cats in the neighborhood.

Our vet says we shouldn’t adopt quickly because it would wreak havoc to our household as my indoor cats are very, very territorial. We should make Sushi and Kimchi get used to her. After my cats’ own vaccines and deworming are done (one more session to go), I will have this cat spayed and vaccinated.

This morning I went to the community market to buy 10L of eco-friendly dishwashing liquid and 1L of liquid handwash. Of course, it goes without saying, I bought food for the entire Sunday because I don’t want to cook. I cleaned the entire day yesterday (cleaning lady is off) so I don’t want to be a domestic slave this weekend.

I had too much calories last Friday when I drove my SIL and nephew to a city 30 mins away from us that I am toning it down today with vegetarian fare.

My children are in the honor roll for the first grading period. Twin A’s average is around 93~94 (with high honors), which is not bad considering she was absent for a month and very sick for 1.5 months. She was wobbly at first (because of brain fog) but was able to catch up. We tried our best to study even she was hooked to four antibiotics when we were still in the hospital. She did school work even when she was an hour away from her biopsy.

Her advisor told me that she is very active in class and knows a lot of stuff—perhaps a little too much that she talks too much.

Twin I has an average of 97~ almost 98 = with highest honors. She got 99.8 in Social Studies and she’s pissed that she didn’t get 100. I told her, it’s ok, this is just the first quarter.

Actually, the teachers are happy with my girls. ❤️

My children had better study habits than I did when I was still a student. I was just winging it; I really didn’t study. I was just really good at note-taking, remembering things, and a voracious reader. I had terrible study habits—I was a master crammer.

My girls are the opposite: they even make their own reviewers that they ask me to print on the printer in my room. They do their homeworks immediately after they get home from school. I don’t remember doing the same. 🤔 All I remember was I watched TV first while having dinner in the living room. 😂

I knew I could have been one of the top students if I wanted to, but I didn’t. Maybe because I was already studying in one of the best high schools in the country so I didn’t see any need to push myself too much. I just wanted to be in the arts.

My kids, on the other hand, wanted to make up for the fact that they weren’t able to get into my high school. My school scrapped the entrance exam due to the government’s fear of holding national/regional exams would become a Covid super-spreader event. It is only this year that they have brought back the UPCAT, which also redounds to my high school’s entrance exams. Their only basis for asessing an applicant last year and the year before that are the grades on their 5th-6th Grade report cards—which is a disservice because many schools nationwide had lax grading systems during the online school years.

Now my high school probably recognized that so they’re holding a separate entrance exam for incoming 8th graders for school year 2024-2025 who would want to transfer.

My daughters asked if I wanted them to take the exam. I asked them back, do you want to transfer there? It seems like they don’t want to because they have finally settled in their current school.

My sis-in-law (SIL) said it’s ok if they stay in their current school because the private primary and secondary schools in our town are highly competitive anyway because they need to keep up with my high school and they’re within the perimeter of the university campus—they had to always keep up with the UP curriculum to produce a lot of UP passers for bragging rights. SIL has a friend who works for the DepEd who said our area has one of the highest concentration of schools with excellent National Achievement Test scores (I cannot remember which one was it) year on year. That’s why children from other towns and province/s choose to go to school here despite the long travel time.

While my kids feel bad that they weren’t able to follow their mom’s (and tito and titas’ footsteps by going to the same school), I think they have already come into terms with it already. Mainly because I didn’t make a big deal out of it. I don’t want them to grow up with huge chips on their shoulders. I told them, it’s fine, it doesn’t make them less of a person and I love them.

However, I told them they have to promise me that they need to study hard and try to make it to the honor roll because passing UP is not just passing the test itself (and having high scores) as it only makes up 60% of their UP Grade. The 40% of the UPG is comprised of their high school grade = final grades for the First, Second and Third Years (Grade 9, 10 and 11) . The info how our UPG is computed was revealed to us when we were prepped for the UPCAT in 1995-1996 by one of our teachers who used to be part of the UP Admissions.

My UPCAT scores were probably good and helped pull up my UPG because my high school grades were terrible. And students from our school earn extra points because we were already part of the UP system and our high school had a notoriously weird grading system, that teacher told us during our prep session. During my time, the ceiling grade in my high school was only 95 (while the rest of the Philippine high schools had 100 for the ceiling), which already put us at a disadvantage.

Long story short, I told my kids that even though grades from 7th and 8th Grade are not part of the UPG computation, it’s good to instill the good habits and discipline as early as junior high school.

I said they need to pass UP because I cannot afford the tuition in Ateneo and De La Salle as a single parent. They need to help me because I want them to have the best education without dipping into my retirement fund or working myself to the ground paying for education I cannot afford. Besides, why settle for second best or third best?