When I was in kindergarten, I had a classmate who chased me all over the school premises to steal a kiss on my cheek.

I avoided him all throughout the school year because I was scared of him. Really, really scared.

Then when we were in first grade, we were in different classes but he still figured out a way how to chase me all over school to steal a kiss on my cheek again. He never did because I ran to different parts of our elementary school, even reaching the scary 7th Grade area just to hide from him.

My fear of him was carried throughout our elementary years but lessened in high school. However, I was still awkward around him. I doubt if he remembered his shenanigans when we were 5-6 years old but it left me scarred. We’re pretty civil towards each other but that’s about it.

Several years after, he followed me on Twitter and I followed him. I knew he is a medical doctor and specialized in palliative care. When the critical time came that my ex-mother-in-law was faced with the tough decision to whether she will still undergo chemo and radiotherapy or just go home, I bravely asked this classmate via DM on Twitter for advice and we talked on the phone. In the end, ex-MIL went home and did not go through the therapies because she wouldn’t be able to handle the side effects at her age so her family chose quality of life instead.

Why did I suddenly remember this?

When I had my walk two days ago, I passed by that elementary school and wondered why I always had vivid dreams of running all around along those corridors like I was being chased. I have those dreams maybe at least once a year. I don’t know but maybe I was traumatized without even recognizing it as trauma.

Maybe this is a result of my ability to remember things clearly, which is debilitating in a way because it developed my bias against this person who turns out to be a decent guy.

Anyway, that’s just one thought among the many that ran through my head when I had my 4.5-km walk. I missed it today because I was soooo busy with work.

I should do it tomorrow.

I just finished an hour-long interview with somebody in Thailand. I have three stories from Switzerland and Singapore pending now. Another interview with somebody from Cambodia. I need to fly to these countries this year (except for Switzerland) as I lack reporters to cover these markets.

I hope I have enough energy for those. Then I have to do performance reviews and goal-setting in the next couple of days.

This is just my second day back at work. 🫠

I think I need to walk again. To clear my head so I have enough space for the things I must do.

I need a raise.

I didn’t walk today because I lacked sleep so I was bit fatigued by 4 pm. Why? I was busy researching until the wee hours the Laguna Volcanic Field a.k.a San Pablo volcanic field, which just 10-20 mins away from here.

I was first researching whether there was a way to hike these small “mountains” safely because there are no trails there. Same goes for Mt. Kalisungan and Mt Bulalo. Forget about Mt. Cristobal, that mountain is creepy as f*ck, similar to the suicide mountain in Japan.

Then I fell down the rabbit hole of volcanoes, so to speak.

It blew my mind to learn last night that the maar lakes (the Seven Lakes of San Pablo) are active volcanic craters 😱. And to think that I wanted to bring my kids to one of those maar lakes (Lake Yambo or Lake Pandin) for hiking and and picnic. Some friends even went swimming in them and camped by the banks. I mean, I knew they were volcanoes but I didn’t know they were still active. 😱 Hmmm, but there is like 1000:1 chance of it exploding while we’re there so I guess we can still go there and have lunch and swing on ropes and drop in the lake, just like what my college friend did with his family a few months ago.

I learned in college (?) that this area is part of the Macolod Corridor, a 40-km-wide stretch that is theoretically a rift or something similar that’s why this geothermal field is very active. And Macolod is the name of the mountain in my parents’ hometown that we regularly climbed when we were bored during my teen years. Yes, it is also an inactive volcano. The last time I climbed it was in 2000.

That peninsula at southwest (north of Mindoro) is Mabini, Batangas. Mabini Peninsula is an inactive volcano (Mt. Panay) but there are hot springs dotting the town. There is even a part of Anilao called Barangay Mainit where the bubbles are coming out of vents underwater. We had experienced one of those hot spring bubbles when we went to Anilao during partial lockdown season in August 2020. One kid roaming the beach that I talked to said that one of the vents just outside the resort walls had burst open some years before and killed one child.

Meanwhile, right smack in the middle of Laguna Lake is Mt. Tagapo, in Talim Island. I had scaled that mountain/inactive volcano in August 2018. It’s also part of the Macolod Corridor, as is the ancient volcano that formed Laguna Lake. Geologists believe that Binangonan, Talim Island, and Jala-jala towns in Rizal province were parts of the crater of this massive volcano. They still classified it as inactive, just like Mt. Pinatubo was inactive prior to its massive eruption in 1991. 🫠

And as my mom said, there is no such thing as a dormant volcano in the Philippines, as proven by Mt. Pinatubo.

“Mommy, why are you writing about that?” asked Twin I after seeing me typing away at my phone.

I told her, we will be doing another Laguna half-loop and one full loop in the near future so might as well acquaint ourselves with the geology and topography of the places we will visit.

So many things to do, so little time. 😕

I’ve been up and about for hours but for the life of me I cannot start any draft. Maybe I should go out to my balcony later to be able to draft something. Post-holidays workdays are pffffffttttt…

I realized that since I’ve been blogging regularly, I have posted less on Facebook, which is good. I mean, it was just an avenue for me to voice out what’s in my head and most of the time I just add to the noise of that platform. Blogging allows me to be anonymous while I scream my lungs out. Like today, I complain about work without endangering my employment. I can voice out my opinion without having to deal with negative Nancys out there. That’s why I blog at random times. If I needed to say something, I no longer have to open any social media app to do so. Welllllllll, before social media was a thing, I was already giving a piece of my mind via blogging. I even learned html before WordPress came into being.

So now I’m like sharpening my instrument by blogging so by the time I get my mojo back, I can immediately go back to writing articles in under an hour.

Let’s see if I can motivate myself into writing three articles today.

I couldn’t write so I just went out and walked.

I have now the license to eat more this evening. 😁

We unexpectedly had to check out early from our hotel because my sister’s son was vomiting since last night. He was also suffering from diarrhea. He has to go see a doctor ASAP so I did my best to drive fast while being careful. It only took me less than 1.5 hrs to drive from Makati to our house.

After dropping off my mom and sister at their doorstep, my girls and I went to the floating restaurant in the next town. Because I don’t want to cook.

After all the rich new year celebratory food in the past few days, my girls were looking for Filipino dishes to satisfy their palette.

My girls said my kare-kare was much better than this because my version has more peanuts/peanut butter in it. And more veggies and meat.

I finally called a home massage service when we reached our house and had a two-hour massage in my own room. It was ok; enough to relieve me of my back ache caused by frozen muscles that had been bothering for quite a while now. I miss Zennya. For some reason I can only book their massage services from 12 pm to 8 pm when we were in Makati so I missed my window yesterday. Ah well, til my next overnight in Makati…

Twin I kept wailing that she doesn’t want to go back to school tomorrow. I can’t react because I don’t want to go back to work tomorrow, too. 😑 In my head I was already plotting when I can book an overnight stay in Anilao…but dang, what I should be planning is my next trip to Singapore 😕

How not to hate working?

Mommy, I don’t want to go to work tomorrow! I don’t want to wake up at 5 to fix breakfast for my 7th Graders 😭

There was a street party/concert of sorts sponsored by Ayala Corp and the City of Makati. However, we didn’t go out until 10 pm because we’re lazy like that. My brother’s family joined us but they parked their car at Ayala Center and just walked to our hotel.

I wasn’t really that into the concert, I just want to watch people and study society in general. My older sister brought folding stools so we had an easier time compared to the rest of humanity, which the organizers claimed to have swelled to 21,000 people by midnight.

Here are my observations:

1. The crowd is predominantly middle class and there were a lot of foreigners in the crowd. I guess they are a mix of the Makati-dwelling expat community (mostly from Salcedo and Legazpi Villages) coming out of the woodwork and tourists billeted at the five-star to four-star hotels around the area.

2. Seventy percent of the population there was recording everything and has forgotten how to be in the moment. Everything has to be for social media content and it seems like everyone is a digital/content creator. People are walking around with their phone screens facing them (either using hands with outstretched arms, selfie sticks, or gimbal) as they video themselves walking and not minding where they are going. 🤦🏻‍♀️ They’re not watching or actively listening to the concert but rather they are watching everything through the camera lens of their phones as they prioritize recording for uploading on social media.

3. People are lazy. They leave their trash wherever they happen to be even if there are roving cleanup boys of Makati City/Ayala Center dragging trash bags where they can throw their rubbish. 🤷🏻‍♀️

4. Regine Velasquez performed for an hour and she has a wide variety of songs in her repertoire. My sister wondered how much was her talent fee for this.

5. My sis-in-law is very much in tune with pop culture and she knew almost everyone on stage. In contrast I can only name one performer, which is Regine. 🫣

6. Next time I’ll book Discovery Primea because they have nicer views.

7. They need more foodstalls.

8. For those who may be interested to be in the countdown but hate the crowd, the Ayala Triangle park is the best place for them. I would have chosen to station myself there but I don’t want to be a party pooper so I just followed by siblings and nephews. But I stayed away from the crowd and planted myself near the railings. I’m allergic to people.

So how was 2023? It’s a mixed bag. Twin A’s illness sapped the life out of me and it tested me so much. However, there were triumphs as well like when I finally planted my roots in my home that I own. It’s a great feeling. There were so many challenges professionally as I navigated the tricky road as a manager and also as a subordinate. It’s like tightrope walking with no net underneath to save me.

Meanwhile, I have learned how to love myself better than last year. I’m trying to embrace my spinsterhood. Healing comes with acceptance.

I did travel quite a bit this year but they’re all work-related. I need to balance everything. I need to go diving again as my long fins may deteriorate.

I should write down the things I should do for this year…📝

The drive from home to Makati was less than 1.5 hrs (including refuelling and tire air). Surprisingly smooth. I was with my mom as the girls were fetched by their dad last night so they can spend the new year’s eve celebration with their paternal side.

After checking in at our hotel, mom and I crossed Ayala Triangle park to reach Greenbelt. Preparations for the countdown along Ayala Ave are underway.

Let’s see how the GomBurZa movie fares. I hope it’s not just all hype.

Ok, the Gomburza movie was good, relative to the usual Filipino fare but I enjoyed Heneral Luna more. I think the reason why the movie is “talky” is because the production company is JesCom (Jesuit Communications) = Jesuits = priests. It’s academic since it was heavy with expositions. Half of the movie was shot within or about the Church. It’s like a history lesson on video. I was searching for the missing element—the entertainment value, the oomph factor.

Luna had that in droves. It was funny and yet it angers the Filipino-ness in us. Its script was brilliant as Luna kept dishing out lines such as “Para kayong mga birheng naniniwala sa pag-ibig ng isang puta! (You are like virgins believing in prostitues’ love!)” when Luna was confronted by the duplicity of those around him, the betrayals, and the lies of fellow Filipinos. “Ganito ba talaga ang tadhana natin? Kalaban ng kalaban. Kalaban ng kakampi. Nakakapagod.” (Is this really our destiny? My enemy is my enemy, my ally is my enemy. It’s exhausting!”

Hay Luna, more than a century later, it’s the same-same. You will weep when you see how we are faring now…

Anyway…

What made Gomburza notable was the acting chops of Cedrick Juan (Padre Jose Burgos) and Enchong Dee (Padre Jacinto Zamora) and to some extent, Dante Rivero (Padre Mariano Zamora). I love how Cedrick was able to carry the movie even though the three priests were in the title (GOMez, BURgos, ZAmora). I seldom have crushes on local actors but he’s now topping that list, if I have any.

Here are the things I learned from the movie:

1) The Jesuit producers had acquitted Burgos of his hand in sparking a revolution. It was as if his death was circumstancial, not because of his ideas he was espousing. History, as I have learned now that I’m out of school, has really pointed to Burgos as the inspiration for the simmering revolt among the Los Filipinos, as he gave a nation its name. He was the one who inspired José Rizal’s El Filibusterismo.

Or maybe it’s just me.

But deep inside I know that Burgos knew why he was sent to the garrote and he was not the defeated priest shown in the movie who was pleading his innocence. He had penned so many essays that had been pushing for reformation and the idea of a nation comprised of Los Filipinos—as a writer you know when you are already pushing the envelope and you know it will trigger the higher ups and yet you still did it. Writing such things require deep thought and weighing of consequences. He knew what he was doing. I refuse to believe that Burgos pleaded his innocence. As a writer, I know every time I write, I have one foot on my grave (or libel case).

2) The concept of Los Filipinos as an identity. Prior to Burgos’ essays, we indios identified ourselves based on our ethnicity like I am a Tagalog, or he is a Waray, a Kapampapangan, an Ilocano. There was no such thing as Filipino as a collective. Burgos identified the Los Filipinos as a group of people not recognized by the Spaniards from Spain or even Mexico (called insulares) as equals. It is the Creole Spaniards and Spanish mestizos born in these islands. Perhaps the indios (natives) as well, much later on. The term Los Filipinos has emboldened the other non-Spaniards (as recognized by Madrid) to organize themselves into a fraternity in the hopes they can push for reforms.

Which of course, later morphed into Katipunan, which was led by an indio named Andres Bonifacio.

3) Burgos was the intellectual of the three martyrd priests. He had a doctorate and was also a lawyer.

4) Zamora lost his mind while incarcerated. He just had the bad luck of being in the same place when Burgos visited an ageing priest and therefore, was unjustly associated with Burgos. He was also very young.

5) Gomes was much older than Burgos. He was a passive priest who shared Fr. Pelaez’s beliefs of equality but he warned Burgos of the dangers of espousing the same among the latter’s students at Unibersidad de Santo Tomas (UST).

6) Hermano Pule was quartered and his head was stuck on a pike and his parts were scattered in different provinces/towns as a warning to other indios not to go against the Church or Spain. Like how William Wallace was executed and desecrated by the English.

7) I’d rather die by firing squad (á la José Rizal) than by garrote. It’s less gruesome compared to being beheaded and quartered. Perhaps less gruesome compared to being hanged.

Why do I have these macabre thoughts on New Year’s Eve? 🤔