I drove from my house to Makati CBD for 1 hr and 15 mins, minus refueling, this morning along SLEX. I needed to help our Manila reporter with stories that we could get from a presscon today. She’s still under the weather and it’s hard to chase the head of a conglomerate if you’re sick.

And chase I did. I barricaded the elevator door with my body when the one I needed to ambush interview was already leaving. Good thing I already befriended his security guys so they let me do my thing.

Got three stories today.

Why the fuck am I still doing this? Because I’m a journalist and I am faithful to my profession, not the company.

And my manager is on my case again today but she was pounding the editor who was editing one of my stories. I said it’s time-sensitive because there might be some announcement tomorrow on IDX and we needed to be ahead of that.

But nooooo, she was asking the stupidest things via the editor, thus delaying the publication of the piece. It’s already 9 pm 11 pm and it’s still not done. It’s less than 10 paragraph for goodness’ sake!!!

I told the editor to go home and have dinner. I said we’ll just deal with this tomorrow morning before markets open.

I don’t know if she’s jealous that my team is still intact while her only reporter already resigned and it’s only her in her bureau. I don’t know if she’s being insufferable because my team receives the highest average hits/readership in APAC monthly.

God knows how I am keeping my temper in check. I think I need to talk to my therapist again because of the stress my manager is causing me. I am already affected physically. My stomach acids are already overwhelming me again. I need to take a proton pump inhibitor before morning and evening meals because it may worsen again and I may end up in the ER again.

I’m still waiting for any news about my job application with a competitor. 😩

To cheer me a bit today…

I’m tired of fighting for what is right. I said my piece with to siblings: words hurt. And during the lowest time of my life, it’s the cats who were there for me. Not my family, not anybody. Cats.

I’m tired of pushing back against my manager. She killed another story of one of my reporters because she couldn’t understand how joint ventures work in this part of the world especially when it comes to restricted sectors like real estate. I pointed out to her, just for the last 4 months of the year, similar stories were published or aggregated by our company. Then I included the links.

She didn’t reply anymore. But what am I to do? I cannot let people walk all over us here in Southeast Asia. It’s the topic of the panel discussion that I have moderated in Singapore: whatever you have–just because it worked in the West–throw that out in the window because that will not work here. You have to adjust. This is not S. Korea, Japan, China, or Australia.

I’m tired of fighting with the company policy of not hiring people in Asia. One person in the commercial team asked for help today because one of the biggest local subscribers in Thailand cancelled their subscription. I told her that don’t bother chasing after them. Many of them in Thailand have cancelled because of our lack of local content. Because we don’t have anybody on the ground. I’ve already pushed as far as I could go, fighting so that management would see reason. We just have to let it go, get over those lost contracts.

Because, what the fuck, this company thinks Singapore is Southeast Asia.

I’ve been doing scoops left and right, still doing what I do best. But damn, I’m tired of this bullshit with this company.

Next week, I am going to have a call with that side gig I will get in HK. It’s a start. I don’t know where it will lead me.

I don’t know if I would be in the right headspace to write two articles tomorrow.

I suddenly missed UP Diliman. A bit of kirot (ache) somewhere in my gut.

Ironic though. I always stuck to living in places near UP Diliman because it reminded me of my hometown, for obvious reasons. When I got homesick, I just go to the campus and live among the trees for a while. It has been like that for at least 20 years.

Now that I’m back in my hometown, I am missing UP Diliman despite it being smaller, hotter, and drier. I miss the bike rides and the food like Rodic’s tapsilog. I miss the Maginhawa food establishments. On weekends, my girls and I would have many places to pick from for our meal out after doing the grocery shopping. These days when we open Grab Food delivery, there weren’t many to choose from. Yes, this is a university town and there are more food estblishments than in normal small towns but we were spoiled by the wider array choices in UP Diliman since it is in an urban area.

I had an argument with my sisters over Viber this morning. My older sister threatened to throw the foster kitties out because they scratched their outdoor slippers.

They also complained of the poop smelling outside their house. I know the offenders are the other stray cats trying to barge in this area and the kittens know how to bury their own poop on my side of the property. But I didn’t want to argue anymore because it’s no use debating with close-minded people.

So here’s my ad I posted on Facebook and Instagram.

“Hello, seeking kind-hearted souls who would want to adopt rescue kittens that I had been fostering. Cuddly and docile, litter-trained and dewormed. Need to find good homes soon because feline-hating neighbors threatened to throw them out in the harsh and dangerous world.

Please PM me.”

My heart is breaking. 💔

Back to face-to-face classes so I need to wake up at 5 am to cook breakfast. After doing this for almost a year, my body clock automatically wakes me up at around this time even without an alarm. It’s so annoying. No wonder I was already falling asleep at around 8 pm last night; my body was telling me that it’s a school day tomorrow. 😩

My mom’s body clock is the same. After doing this for so many years, she just automatically wakes up at 4 am. Hers is much earlier because she had four children and we only had one bathroom when we were growing up. We also had to ride the tricycle and jeep to go to school so extra 30 mins were needed. We were already in high school when we transferred to our present location and our high school was just across the street so that was a relief to my mom. However, old habits die hard; she still woke up early because that’s what her body was used to.

It has started raining regularly now. It was raining a few minutes ago so the temperature has already been reduced by a degree or two. It may have been brief but at least it’s no longer that dry and my surviving plants will have better chances of getting past through this month.

Right before I woke up this morning, I dreamt about my father, my mom, my siblings, and I flying to Japan. We were so late in getting Grab that I was already freaking out as we would miss our flight. I was thinking quickly if there was another JAL flight later that day.

When I woke up, I was surprised that 1) my father agreed to go through all that circus and went along with the plans for this trip; 2) we were going to Japan when not everyone in our family likes to go there; 3) that I was back being single and childless.

I guess for all his faults and transgressions, I miss my father. I was thinking last night while I was in the bathroom that I will not be able to finish building my house if my father was still alive because he would have interfered so much. That’s how overbearing he was.

Speaking of trips, I want to go here and check out this area. Cagayan province is one place that intrigued me but it’s really hard to get there. The mind is willing but the body is not.

In this Reuters report, an old town that was submerged when Pantabangan Dam was built has reappeared. The heatwave we’re exeriencing has drained bodies of water, especially in the north.

One friend who, if I remember it correctly, volunteered for WWF one time came to Aparri, Cagayan as part of the program. She told me that in late afternoon until sunset, they would be drinking beer at the beach and watch pilot whales doing back flips or waving their tails. I was so green with envy; it would have been awesome to have seen those.

That’s one of the reasons why I became a reporter. I wanted to experience those extraordinary things because as a reporter, I could have the ticket to do such things in the name of a story. But at that moment this friend was telling me this, I wanted to become a volunteer  of WWF and go places while doing something good. I said that’s the best way to put to use my science journalism major…

Ah well, I would just have to come to Aparri some other way.

Eghad, it’s so hot! 🔥

This is me after washing the dishes tonight. I thought the world will be a little bit cooler today but nope…

Meanwhile, my yellow bells started to bloom again. Wheeeeee!

I just don’t know what caused it to bloom again. Maybe shedding leaves will do the trick? Maybe I should trim it, no?

We just had a spur of the moment trip to one of the maar lakes in our province. Twin I had cabin fever since school had been mainly online this week due to the extreme heat.

I wanted to keep my teenagers from malls so the best way is to be out in nature.

Twin I was in a bed and breakfast by the lakeside, buying suman with my sis-in-law, while her twin spent the time reading. She finally discovered the joy of reading books, thank God!

I proceeded to make sketches with my pencil. I was debating if I should use ink or just go straight to watercolor.

It was a lovely afternoon. The heat was dissipating and we have been spoiled by the wonderful lakeside breeze.

A lady who was jogging approached me and asked if I was a member of any Urban Sketchers chapter. I said no and this is my first time to sketch here by this lake. She said she used to be a member when she was in Metro Manila but since transferring to our province, she hasn’t done any sketching at all. She said she hopes to see me again by this lakeside sketching.

I couldn’t finish because it was already getting dark and the falling mango flowers are making my nose runny.

The beauty of where we live now is that places like this are just a quick drive away. It’s also far from the hectic vehicular traffic of the big city. I should do landscape/urban sketching more often and take advantage of the beauty of my province.

I tried to rescue my Thai basil plant and I put it on the sill of my kitchen’s small window. My dill plants, however, are a different matter since they won’t fit in there. So here they are… Taking so much beating from the heatwave we are experiencing.

Hopefully, the occasional rainshowers we’re having will save the plants. My forest is still alive, a cooling agent in these trying times.

Our Indonesia reporter was telling me this morning about the VC and startup event he was invited to attend in Jakarta last night. He said he and another banker almost died with “so much cringe” at the level of kayabangan (arrogance) of the VC and startup guys. He said, the lower you are in the pyramid, the more yabang you are. He told his Indonesian boyfriend about this and the latter said he is correct in his observation.

The bf said: The lower the life form, the higher the yabang. The noisier, the emptier. That’s the coping mechanism of Indonesians who have no contribution to society.

Hubris. Our Indonesia reporter, who pursued a master’s degree in sociology there, said this came from the Dutch.

I reminded him that this also stemmed from the numerous barriers to social mobility put up in Indonesia. A superficial example of this is Jakarta mall operators’ refusal to make malls accessible to the masses. They refused to integrate mass transport into the equation and they only want people with cars to enter their malls, unlike in Singapore (Jurong, Clark Quay, and City Hall come to mind) and Philippines. SM and Ayala are developing malls around transport hubs or they’re making transport hubs around their malls to make it more accessible to everybody. They integrated walkways along Dela Rosa Ave from Greebelt to Makati Medical and connected it to Ayala North Exchange Mall.

He agreed. They love exclusivity.

It was only recently that Indonesian Chinese are living freely in their society. During Suharto’s time they had anti-enthnic Chinese riots. One former Indonesia reporter of ours told us about the fears their parents had, that being ethnic Chinese is enough to get you killed. She is ethnic Chinese.

I also reminded him about Indonesians’ pride over their identity (that is, the predominant Muslim identity) that is perpetuated systematically by their government. Example of this is the requirement that all corporations should register under an Indonesian name. More often than not, they have a different corporate name and trade name.

Nothing is wrong with that per se, but it shouldn’t be weaponized against other cultures who do not ascribe to the same thinking.

I told him about one thread about how these Indonesians insulted some Filipinos, saying we don’t have any identity and why don’t we change our country’s name when that was the one given to us by the colonial masters. One Pinoy in that thread said: why would we wipe out our history? We are the sum of all of those.

Yes, we don’t have one unified identity to be called Filipino as we disappear into the cultures of our host country/society. We needed to adapt. We are flexible because the harsh environment we live in here required us to be like that. We don’t have a clear identity, like the one the Indonesians often wave in our faces. We don’t have anything distinct because we are all these: the Malay, Chinese, Spanish, and American cultures mixed together to form what the Filipinos are now.

If Indonesians from lower income strata get more arrogant the lower you go, then the Filipinos who have gone abroad are more arrogant than those who chose who stay at home. These Filipinos who have gone abroad think they are high and mighty and we who are left in the country by choice or by circumstances are inferior to them.

You can see and feel that in the numerous networking events I’ve been to.

But that’s another story for another day.

Meanwhile, I’m happy to report that Tabby kitty is well now after being very sick before I left for Singapore. I was syringe-feeding her with reconstituted filled milk and giving her vitamins daily. She had flu I think because she constantly sneezed, was hot like she had a fever, and lethargic.

While I was in Singapore, Twin I continued syringe-feeding her with milk and vitamins. Twin I also made hot water bottles for her in the cat carrier where she slept with Socks. Somehow she got better and recovered from that nasty flu or whatever she got.

These days it makes me happy to see that Tabby a.k.a. Tiger is eating voraciously, especially if we give them chicken bones. They have their own kibbles that I buy from the local pet supplies shop. Kimchi and Sushi’s kibbles and wet food are bought from Lazada every month.

Black Panther a.k.a. Ninja (our little void) is hiding somewhere. He loves climbing trees.