The interview left me perplexed. Either the talent acquisition (TA) specialist who interviewed me has no idea what the job is about or the job is not clearly defined yet. I have qualms about this now.

If I get to the panel interview, I will have a better understanding of what this is really. 🤔

What makes this more puzzling is that the TA told me my application in April was routed somewhere else and they only got my docs when my friend endorsed it. It left a bitter taste in my mouth, this disorganization or incompetence. I’m at a loss for words…

When she asked if I had questions, one of the things I asked was, why did they open this to outsiders and not do an internal hire considering this is a pretty senior position? She told me no one submitted internally.

That is probably a red flag.

I guess transfering companies is not yet in the cards right now. Everything sounds bizarre from this TA. Even my friend was surprised.

It just left me more confused about my current job (do I hate it? Or just my boss?) and about my future (is this still what I want to do?).

This is disturbing.

I went to the segunda mano (second-hand shop) I had been patronizing for decades and bought several pocketbooks for my daughters. One of my missions in life is to recreate the library I had when I was still a student, which included Sweet Dreams, Crosswinds, and Keepsakes young adult romances. These are out of print and hard to find. These books are well written and help in expanding one’s vocabulary—unlike the drivel Twilight series, which overused the word “chagrin” as if Stephanie Meyer just discovered the word. Those books were just garbage.

Anyway, my girls skipped the Nancy Drew phase but at least they were able to pick up Percy Jackson and Diary of a Wimpy Kid. They also enjoyed Berestain Bears when they were younger. The problem now is they have so many distractions these days, so much so their book-reading was stifled. In contrast, I devoured books at 10 years old and had classmates who did the same so we swapped books. I accessed the library so I can read the children’s version of Don Quixote.

These pocketbooks allowed me to have a better command of the English language compared to a non-reader. It’s a good thing that I had a chance to be bored that I had no recourse but to read books. By 6th Grade I was already done with Louisa May Alcott’s series (Little Women, Little Men) and graduated from Nancy Drew. However, kids these days don’t get bored. It’s tragic because boredom is essential in developing creative minds.

I’m happy now that Twin I is enjoying these YA pocketbooks and hopefully she will continue to do so. She has been marking the pages that she liked so  she can come back to them. It’s just a matter of time that Twin A will start picking it up. She is still engrossed with manga but I don’t begrudge her that. At least she’s reading.

Finally, shoving books down their throats had resulted to this and I’m happy.

I’ve run out of ideas what to cook for dinner last night that I resorted to the fail-safe K-BBQ.

This photo suddenly popped up on my Facebook memories. This was taken during one of our regular trips to QCity Circle, where I let my toddlers run around to expend their energy and have a restful sleep later in the night. Here they were chasing this boy around and finally got him cornered 🤣.

This was a time I was still sleepless (only 3 hrs of sleep every night) because my babies still can’t sleep through the night and kept asking milk from me or from the bottle. I was a reporter and editor while balancing being a hands-on mom to twins (with minimal help from their father). I don’t know how I was able to survive those years. I was always exhausted and there were times I almost crashed my tiny car into one of the islands along Ayala Ave because I was already falling asleep behind the wheel.

I am now at the crossroads of my career again. While my girls no longer need 24/7 supervision, my physical presence and constant monitoring are still very much needed. But here I am, thinking of jumping from the frying pan straight into the fire with this interview tomorrow. I just got off the phone with my friend who endorsed me to this role I applied for in April. I have a vague idea of what this job entails and whatever I was thinking was correct, based on my conversation with ny friend. To put it simply, the world’s problem will also be my problem—from Trump vs Biden to Gaza to West Philippine Sea and Taiwan Strait. From bushfires in Australia to corruption charges against Bolsonaro and the changing of the tide at 10 Downing Street.

I’ll be back to 24/7 news cycle again.

Well, that is, if they take me.

It’s Friday once again. The days flew by so fast and I haven’t done anything significant so far. I had two interviews that I will not write (one edited, one to co-write) and requests for interviews that got rejected or ignored. Some are still suspended in animation.

My friend from a competitor told me she’s going to endorse my application I sent in April to be one of their global editors. I have completely forgotten about that one and honestly, I’m ok if I don’t get it. If I would get higher or same pay for the same flexibility that I have right now, then I would go for it. I’m frustrated with my company and with my manager but the flexibility that I have now still outweighs those negative factors.

Earlier this year I suffered from burnout and anxiety got the better of me. I scrambled to get away but all I ended up with was the realization that going into PR was something very difficult for me. I’m stuck with this ghost writing gig that I have because I can’t have my own voice. It has been 20 years since I’ve written a PR. I’m mentally struggling with it but I have to swallow the bitter pill and unlearn all the things I learned as an independent journalist.

After I fetched Twin A from her school break volleyball training at 11 am, I had my liquid handwash pumps refilled at this store. I am reusing the containers from the mass market products I’ve purchased from supermarkets to buy more eco-friendly options. Bought 3.6 liters of liquid handwash and that was equivalent to 7 plastic containers that would have gone straight to the landfill. I still have a gallon or so (out of the total 6 gal) of the dishwashing liquid that I bought six months ago (or more). That kept me from consuming and discarding several plastic bottles of dishwashing liquid.

Finally found a home service masseuse. Yey!

My girls are with their dad so I have the house to myself. No need to cook! Wohooo!

Whelp. I have a job interview on Monday. With the competitor.

I really tried but my eyes and brain were just shutting down. Good thing I woke up just when they were saying their goodbyes. It was a product demo and I was not really into it.

All week long I’ve been arranging interviews for my reporters and I haven’t had one for myself. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Tomorrow, I should do this non-stop for myself.

Meanwhile, I cooked baby back ribs in my Instant Pot.

The meat just fell off the bones. My foster cats outside were so happy with the bones and fatty parts. My indoor cats aren’t crazy about pork.

And here is my obnoxious indoor cat, partially sunning herself.

I have so much rage to release this week that I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I try to self-soothe so I won’t go ballistic. I just learned a term from Gen Z kids to help me cope: rotting days. Yes, I allow myself to have rotting days, when I just allow myself the grace of being easy on myself because I get a lot of beating from outside factors.

I just sink into music. To nostalgia.

I just had my ultrasound today after the result of my mammogram came out. I have two cysts, one on each boob. So far the radiologist says it’s benign (fluid) but needs to be monitored, whether every six months or once year, it would be up to my gynecologist. It may disappear, it may not. It could grow and it could be aspirated if it gets uncomfortable. I would be very busy this Saturday as the queue at my gynecologist’s clinic is long.

I don’t know what I’m getting at.

I finally found the photo that shows how red my hair was back in 2015. Twin I wanted to see how far did I push back the envelope in terms of hair color. I’m pretty conservative when it comes to that as I haven’t colored my hair green or blue or blonde. I felt that red is still acceptable in a business setting. I colored my hair for strategic reasons—so that the people I was interviewing at the doorstop would remember me when I see them again or when I send a text message,  “Hi _, I’m CallMeCreation, the red-headed reporter. May I ask a follow up question…”

But damn, maintaining a hair like that is too much work. I needed to heavily condition my hair everyday (because hair coloring chemicals literally kill hair) and I spent hours in the salon just to maintain roots.

Now that I don’t have to stand out among the pack of reporters in a media scrum, the need to color my hair various shades of red and brown has also vanished.

Oh how young I looked then. 🥹

This means Trump and Biden cannot be investigated for any wrongdoings. I’ve read other opinions and arguments regarding this decision and this leads to a president having absolute power. Well then, good luck in dealing with future despots. We’ve had our own; now the despot’s son is our president.

Meanwhile, I had another skirmish with my manager yesterday because she doesn’t understand Southeast Asia and how we do our coverage here. You cannot group us according to sectors because, for example, every energy sector in 11 countries that comprise ASEAN has its own energy mix and rules and regulations. Reporters on the ground know their own market and the politics involved so it’s better that they cover things that are on the ground and not just parachute elsewhere. Our sources value us more that way as well.

Just because it works in Korea it will work here. It’s a very homegenous society so they way you subdivide the coverage is by sector. But it clearly wouldn’t work for SEAsia. 🤦🏻‍♀️ The hegemony at play here… Just because one thinks their nation is more superior than others—similar how Singaporeans view other Southeast Asians. They keep putting a square peg in a round hole. My former boss, who is Japanese, was more understanding because she has a wider view of the world, growing up in Canada and now working in the most prohibitive societues in the world for working women and mothers.

It was a tough battle for me yesterday but I won in the end. Too long and identifiable to write down but I’m glad I made the point across. It just left me with no energy today. I just want to take a break today from heavy lifting.

Going to Makati first. Have to get ready.

I love my surgeon. His stitches were *chef’s kiss* and when he took them out yesterday, my scar is almost unnoticable. You would only think that there is still something there because my wound is still somewhat swollen (of course it is still fresh). He assured me it will subside by the time I return to him for a check up on the 15th. He gave me Rx for a cream that would “erase” my scar. Wrapping my head tightly with that elastic bandage helped in lessening the incidence of hematoma going down my face. My forehead up to my scalp is still numb but itchy. He told me it’s because my nerves are fusing/repairing themselves so the itchiness will continue for weeks until my facial nerves are healed.

The result of my biopsy will also be out on the 15th. He assured me that he is confident that it is just lipoma and very, very little chance it is liposarcoma.

Meanwhile, I brought my girls with me today to Makati to pick up our Manila reporter and buy a hairdryer then jump to Grand Hyatt area for a meeting. I dropped off my girls at Mitsukoshi to window shop and amuse themselves.

They wasted money on gachapon ガチャポン .

Twin A is obsessed with Japanese grocery stores and she knows about Don Don Donki/Don Quijote (I don’t know how) and wants to shop there for foodstuff and skincare products. She would have gone nuts in Hong Kong because there’s one branch very near our office building in Central. The Singapore branch was mehhh because it was super expensive compared to HK due to 9% GST and import tax. Hong Kong doesn’t have any of those.

So anyway, those are the only things they can afford in Mitsukoshi. Kinokuniya and the grocery store at the basement are still unaffordable to them. Unfortunately for them, mommy was busy and couldn’t be dragged to buy them anything 🤣.