I just drove this afternoon to the dorm of my scholar to give him some groceries, medicines, an electric kettle, and a hand-me-down cellphone that no one uses at home.

I’m financially supporting a UP student by paying for his meals via a food program for indigent students and pocket money for fare/cellphone load/school requirements every month until he graduates.

His parents are street vendors and they really can’t spare him anything, maybe jusy PhP 400 a month on average. When they get swiped by the police or whatever when the LGU conducts street clearing operations, his parents don’t have anything to bring home.

He already developed ulcer because he couldn’t eat well (that’s why I bought him 14 days worth of proton pump inhibitors).

Yes, UP equalizes opportunities for rich and poor Filipinos but the odds are still stacked against the poor students, especially if they can’t eat. It’s hard to get scholarships because these require high grades. How can you get high grades when you don’t get to eat in a day?! These kids are reliant on private food programs and there aren’t many.

I told my scholar that I won’t ask for anything. As long as he graduates, even if it’s not on time, it’s good enough for me.

Twin A asked me, Mommy, why are you doing this? (Just genuine curiosity). I told her, “Anak, we are so blessed. We have more than enough for our needs so that we can be a blessing to others.” Keeping more than what we need and accumulating it is called hoarding. There’s so much inequality and hunger around us that it’s almost a crime to hoard resources to one’s self.

I’m teaching my children how to love other people as they love themselves.

I got the first dibs. 🤣

This is my 19th year attending this annual event at the central bank and, of course, I had to be there.

Aside from the stories I would get (that I desperately needed) from this event, I also wanted to see the art pieces that are in rotation and the Brutalist architecture of the PICC.

I can have these framed in a shadow box.

And as usual, I brought home the table decor 🤣

As usual, we journalists are the ones left behind. The catering service crew was already wrapping up, we were still hanging out by the tables, drinking wine and taking selfies. For almost 20 years… 🙌

How dare they call it an Ibiza skirt/blouse?! Ibiza has nothing to do with capiz!

Capiz shell came from the Placuna placenta mollusk, indigenous to the Philippines. That’s why we have a province named after this shell. It’s also called window pane oyster because we use the shell in our windows instead of glass. Once you see these capiz windows, you know it’s Filipino or you’re in the Philippines. We made these shells into so many things like lamps, wall decor, plates, clocks, clutches/evening bags, jewelry, and adornments in clothes.

And how dare they call it Ibiza skirt! They have deliberately erased the Filipino identity in this garment because we are not white. WTF!

At least they didn’t do it to our ancient martial art, the deadly Kali (or Kali-Arnis-Eskrima).

I know Filipino Martial Arts (FMA) more than your average Filipino because my ex-husband was a practitioner but he stopped going to his master because…he’s very inconsistent. Just like what he was with Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

Anyway, I became familiar with the names of the grandmasters and some famous practitioners like Dan Inosanto who popularized FMA in the US. His most famous student was Bruce Lee (who invented his own martial art, Jeet Kune Do). It was Inosanto who taught Bruce Lee how to use the nunchaku. Inosanto was also a consultant in some films for fight choreography, especially involving empty hand fighting and knives, and US Navy SEALs.

The ex and I sold FMA magazines on ebay that were published in the Philippines. One of the prolific writers of that magazine became a colleague of mine in a newspaper some years later.

We also sold books and other FMA paraphernalia like arnis sticks, also on ebay. I remember we made a killing with the books about FMA weapons that became out of print. Our profit margins were very attractive. We also sold other FMA books written by other masters or students of known Grandmasters.

We learned arnis in elementary school. It replaced sepak takraw (which we called sipa in Tagalog) as the national sport some years later. I think this is now required in all DepEd-run schools and UP is also teaching this now. A friend is a faculty of sports science teaching this FMA. But that is the sport side of FMA.

The real deal looks like this — only taught in the military because it is for killing — unlike karate or judo or taekwondo, which are more for street fighting or self-defense. This is how our military trained; this is also how our own Marines train US Marines in hand-to-hand combat and jungle warfare.

Ancient Filipinos are terrifying practitioners of Kali/Eskrima (that’s why idiot Ferdinand Magellan died) that the Spaniards outlawed the use of swords/blades like the kampilan, when practicing it.

Little did the conquistadores know that Filipinos can still be deadly even just using arnis sticks (yantok/rattan sticks). We invented the butterfly knife a.k.a balisong, which is illegal to carry outside the house, just like a gun. We Batangueños are deadly like that (we also have the kumintang, a war song that originated from the province of my ancestors).

We’re deadly — do not erase our culture like that.

Our cuisine is more than fried food and meat. Every island, every province has its own cuisine that is fruit and vegetable based. We harvest from the sea. And if you look at it deeper, Filipino food mirrors that of our neighbors like Indonesia and Malaysia. Unfortunately, our government is more concerned about making our officials’ bank accounts fatter instead of making these foods accessible and market this beauty to tourists.

Ginisang langka, lumpiang ubod, sinabawang mais — these are some of the native dishes in my province that a vegetarian can happily eat any day.

So much missed opportunities.

I no longer have career goals. I’m done. I’m tired. All these — they don’t have meaning.

I am more than my job. It pays the bills. It does not define me. I should detach myself from it so I won’t get hurt.

I had a rough week that I thought of quitting.

I had worked on a long piece for a week, did a lot of acrobatics just to be able to finish it, only to be shot down by the editor.

“Only two to four IPOs? Is it even worth writing about?” the editor from an OECD country said.

I just said we chuck it.

It’s so hard to defend the Philippines. I even question why do they even need me? And to make matters worse, we’re two journalists based here. I tried traveling to do reportage abroad but the editor from the land of bubblegum pop rejected that request. It makes me feel redundant.

The Philippines only matters when a mountain of garbage collapses to kill dozens of people.

No matter how much I try to elevate reportage in this tiny market of ours, we just don’t really matter. It’s like we’re Myanmar and Cambodia — the world will spin even without news from us.

I felt so defeated last week that I cried.

It’s just so hard to defend the Philippines. A very small market with a very corrupt government that doesn’t matter in this world.

It must be perimenopause or I’m sliding down into depression. I had difficulty picking myself up again after that email exchange. One of my bffs rushed from her Pilates class to have hibiscus tea with me here at home and talk. She told me it’s burnout talking. I really didn’t have a mental and physical break over the holidays so I’m like this, all frayed nerves.

Plus I’ve been in this company for 12 years, under three management changes. I know it’s time to move on but I tried looking for better roles — and still looking — but nothing fits.

This bff is a single mom of two elementary school kids so she understands why I just can’t quit and do something risky. I’m sending two children to a private school and I carry all the mental and financial load of raising them.

She warned me that consultancy isn’t enough. Entering academe full time will give financial stress because I’m a solo parent. She herself is also scared of what she will do, applying for a post-doc position in an institution abroad affiliated with her current international research agency. At least that’s a stable paycheck.

Then I had a dream last night. I dreamt about Christian Esguerra, the former ABS-CBN journalist who went full time with UST and estblished his own podcast, making full use of his broadcast journalism skills as a solo entity.

I can’t remember why he was in my dream but when I woke up this morning, it suddenly struck me that maybe I was being told by the Voice above that I should gamble and take this path.

And I heard Christian Esguerra is doing much better financially as well.

A friend and former ABS-CBN journo Jacque Manabat did the same and now has a thriving business, as a social media journalist-creator and provider of creative space for people like her.

The problem is, I don’t have the name like they do because I’m always behind the camera. I’m only known in the business circles.

However, I have a very niche specialty and have over two decades of experience to back me up if I set up my own podcast. I had been a multi-media reporter for a broadcast network before so I’m already used to wearing several hats in one coverage…

… And I’ve been thinking of buying that Sony vlogging camera. I wasn’t pulling the trigger yet because I didn’t have any use for it.

Now I think I do.

No wonder I see Amorsolo paintings everywhere…10,000 works! Wow! I should visit the BSP collections more often.

@cnn

Saks Global, the parent company of luxury retailer Saks Fifth Avenue, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection late Tuesday. The company had struggled with a heavy debt load following its purchase of rival Neiman Marcus in 2024. #CNN #News

♬ original sound – CNN – CNN

Saks filed for bankruptcy after drowning in debt used to acquire Neiman Marcus. It’s a case of eyes bigger than your stomach or eating more than what you can chew.

Sounds like what happened to Del Monte. The Philippines-headquartered Del Monte Pacific, eventually became the Asia Pacific entity. It then acquired the US-based Del Monte Foods Corp, the former parent. It’s like David swallowing Goliath whole. The roles were reversed; the former parent becomes a unit — albeit a headache-inducing offspring.

And now the Philippines-based parent is raising USD 600m to pay debts… Eating more than it can chew.