My sister rented this resort so she and her friends can have a drinking party in private last night. Today we’re taking advantage of it as everyone had gone. My girls, my mom, and I

All of this just to ourselves.

It has four large rooms that can accommodate one family per room. With a spacious kitchen and dining area. There’s a billiard table at the lounge upstairs.

Best part, I have the karaoke all to myself. 🤣

In a nutshell, I still have a full-time job. They just took away the admin duties from me since the bosses said my editorial contributions are more valuable to the company than my being a team leader.

Same pay, less workload.

It’s better than I expected, honestly.

It was a good thing my friends and my HR manager of a cousin coached me on what to say and how to get my message across without being messy.

• Avoid talking negatively about other people (i.e. skills gap/talent mismatch) because it’s like I’m putting the blame on other people
• Just acknowledge that I have accountability and that I am not really a manager because I’m not happy managing people
• Just emphasize that I’m stretched too thinly
• Do not point out the burden placed upon me by the company despite limited support but rather tell them that I cannot do everything
• Do not make yourself like a victim of circumstances (pa-victim); no one is a victim and definitely no one is a villain

I told my bosses that I wanted to go freelance because I still enjoy writing and editing. I said I’m just a journalist at heart and I’m happiest chasing stories and fixing stories of others — it keeps me sharp and alive.

Because of the points I outlined, I was able to make it clear to them that am not unhappy with my job. What I am miserable about is the admin work and the expectation that I will be able to lift my underperforming team mates out of the sandpit.

So there, they removed the load off me. I will just concentrate on writing and editing stories. I will still lead the team editorially but their problems are no longer mine.

Bonus is I have a new line manager. She’s nicer.

So let’s see how this goes.

What makes this freaky is that it went so smoothly and everything snapped into place easily. I am suspicious of what may happen next, like is there a storm after this calm? 🤔

Or maybe it’s meant to be—that this is where I am supposed to be that’s why it was so easy…

And oh, by the way, I demoted myself already on LinkedIn. And I’m so happy about it.

My friends are genuinely happy with my demotion. It’s so weird but yeah, it’s a cause for celebration.

I just had my annual tests today in between editing and taking calls from sources. Mammograms are sheer torture but necessary. Breast ultrasounds are not enough so I did those two screens. Tv pelvic exams are mehhhh. At least I know nothing is wrong with me. I’m still polycystic though, on my right ovary. I thought both ovaries are riddled with cysts—but apparently only the right ovary is the remarkable one.

🤔 Hmm, so does that mean my cysts on my left ovary disappeared?

I don’t know how I got through the day and evening taking calls, editing, and writing a time-sensitive story while having all these medical procedures and having my car serviced because I need the clutch pedal adjusted at my mechanic’s shop.

Because of that, I finished work at past 7 pm so i wasn’t able to cook dinner.

I sent my letter to my manager and APAC head, asking for a meeting to discuss the terms of freelancing for my company. I told them that this is the best course to take, given the circumstances (which I didn’t elaborate).

I am suprisingly calm. I don’t know why. I should be freaking out since this would put me on unsure footing when the world could be descending into another world war. This time it could be nuclear.

But I am placid. I’m still going about my usual business—writing and editing stories, engaging with sources, directing reporters…like nothing has changed.

Maybe I feel calm because I am no longer weighed by the problem of keeping my reporters afloat. I had been carrying less skilled reporters on my shoulders for years. I’m waiting for them to level up but it never came. Maybe I feel free now that I have washed off my responsibility of keeping them from losing their jobs. I had been trying to keep them from being fired or have their contracts changed because they could not meet their KPIs.

Imagine, I’ve been conducting interviews with them, to guide them so that they will have stories to file. I am the one scrounging for stories for them (asking for interviews on behalf of the reporters) if they’re struggling to get stories. I draft the guide questions to ask the interviewees, hoping that after that, they will know what to ask the next time they bag interviews. Hoping that I won’t be struggling when I edit their stories due to lack of pertinent information. I needed to fill the gaps so they can produce stories. Meeting the quotas is on me.

And yet… They couldn’t level up. It’s a skills problem. No matter how much I push them, this is the best that they can do.

I get clobbered when they commit small and big booboos. I get penalized when we get legal threats for their lack of regard for compliance rules. 

On top of this, I needed to meet my own KPIs.

On top of being a solo mom, cook, and cleaning lady.

I can’t do it anymore. Something’s gotta give.

So tomorrow, I will have that virtual meeting. I just have to lay down my cards and tell them, hey, I did my best. It wasn’t just good enough.

Whelp! That escalated pretty quickly. I was just about to sign up for a forum discussing the what-would-be scenarios once the retaliatory tariffs kick in July then this shit drops on me—on us.

As I have said before, Trump wants the Depression era to come alive again. Then America goes to war.

Don’t be surprised if the Empire State building or White House itself become the target of suicidal jets.

Went plant shopping with Twin I to give my staircase some pockets of joy. I have moved the unruly yellow bell downstairs because it was dangerously blocking the path to my front door.

I will transplant it on the ground next week, if weather permits.

Now my balcony and stairs feel barren.

I only limited myself to PHP 1,000 worth of plants. I need to be judicious with my spending from now on until I get a semblance of stability with the changes I will be implementing in the next few months.

I also bought this climbing beauty.

I also cleaned up my messy desk, which reflected my mental state: chaotic and frenetic. Hoping the clean-up will help clear the cobwebs in my brain by Monday.

Looking at my neat room calms me.

My mom has been nagging me about substituting white rice with brown rice. But that thing tastes like darak, which makes the eating experience sad. Whenever she sees me, she keeps on harping about brown rice.

I’m the only sibling left who is not taking metformin or some other medication related to blood sugar. Genetics sucks. My PCOS is making it worse or it’s the cause of insulin resistance aside from my genetic predisposition.

But what the heck, I should divorce rice. *sigh* I have rice in my fridge right now to bring down the glycemic index. I will just reheat that later for the kids. I guess whole wheat bread for me today.

I just had been endorsed by my gynecologist to an endocrinologist, who happens to be a high schoolmate of mine, just two years ahead of me. This should be interesting.

Not yet done with mammogram, breast ultrasound and pelvic ultrasound.

One of my errands today brought me to the main university library, which I haven’t visited in 25 years.

It’s just how I remembered it; the musty smell of old books and narra tables.

I don’t remember being able to study here but I do remember falling asleep at one of the desks at the third floor when I was researching stuff for my thesis. 

Ooh boy, I took a nap and it turns out it’s not a nap. I woke up it’s already dark and I have a nasty headache.

I just had my flu shot, so now I feel sick.