It’s Monday. I’m dead. You know, when the manager from the land of bubblegum pop is on holiday/leave, I’m not anxious. I enjoy my job. But when I know she’s there, my anxiety runs high. Then I go through anxiety attacks and I just curl up in a ball and doomscroll in my bed.

I remember hosting an ex-colleague from that bureau 8 years ago when he was here for two weeks to parachute for his publication (our sister publication that is now folded under us). He often tells me, please don’t tell YKK this, please don’t tell YKK I did that. He grew up and studied in the US so his culture is more aligned with mine than with the bureau manager. He eventually quit and transferred to a US publication that needed coverage of the DMZ. I think he’s back in the US as I saw an article tackling seafood in the West Coast of the US. That bureau lost its reporters one by one until no one is left. They haven’t hired anybody yet and it has been years since they had a reporter on the ground.

She is the problem.

It’s not my being a manager or whatnot. Yes, I have issues with some people in my team but they’re sort of manageable. It’s just that the problem is exacerbated by the kind of manager I had. Even though I have a different manager now, this manager from the land of bubblegum pop still manages to terrorize me. Our other correspondent here gets anxiety attacks as well when YKK edits her stories. She keeps minimal contact with management and courses everything through me, as her former manager.

I’m doing my best not to break down again. I don’t want to lose to someone like her. I mean, sacrificing my livelihood just because of someone like her.

But then, I had been fantasizing about retiring last night even though I still very much love my profession. Going local media is unpalatable at this point because my world will become smaller and I will develop myopia again. My world view will shrink. Then there’s the pay.

I can’t move abroad because I have kids and they’re already developing roots and long-lasting friendships. My mom is also already old and anything might happen.

I’ve been praying until I fell asleep, please Lord, tell me where to go next. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t pray, Lord I want this, I want that because I no longer know what I want. So please, just turn me in the right direction and I will follow.

Tell me, how can I continue working when I have an officemate like this?!

Nights are definitely getting cooler. It was raining this morning and I had to open my front door to keep the humidity out.

I’ll change my curtains to a more Christmas-themed one after todos los santos (All Saints Day), that is if I still have the energy. I would be driving back and forth to my parents’ hometown in Batangas to attend the 1st death anniversary ceremony (babang luksa) of my aunt/godmother and to indulge my mom who wanted to visit the graves of my grandparents.

I couldn’t have a Christmas tree because of cats. I haven’t had any for five years now because I enjoy having cats more than having a tree that is put up only once a year.

Yes, I am having a war with our governor. I’ve said my piece on her FB page and everone knows that I think she’s stooooopid.

I asked her if she has consulted Phivolcs or any scientist, the NRRMC…

What’s the scientific basis for this? Do we have emergency tents, mobile kitchens, emergency provisions for evacuation centers so that we don’t have to rely on civil society donations? Will there be building inspections and retrofitting of public buildings while classes are suspended?

And there I had arguments with narrow-minded individuals who do not understand that we already lost 30 days of schooling.

And that the way this announcement was framed was very alarmist. Very ex-ABS-CBN reporter of her.

Then I got bashed for allegedly not watching her stupid “anchoring” of her own announcement. She must have fulfilled her dream of being a news anchor. 🙄 And I said:

Yes, (name of the basher) I watched it and she said her basis of her decision are the comments of the parents on social media. She said she consulted the map of West Valley Fault, but she never said she consulted Phivolcs. We cannot predict earthquakes so we cannot have class suspensions ad infinitum. She never mentioned contingency plans, no mobile kitchens, tents, mobilization of emergency response teams—concrete plans. Pasig has Go bags, mobile kitchens and concrete plans. Governance shouldn’t just be reactionary. Vico (Sotto) just doesn’t suspend classes without consulting scientists at PAGASA and Phivolcs.

But of course, the bashing became ad hominem. So I said:

It’s not wrong to expect ng highest level of governance. I shouldn’t have debt of gratitude because that’s her job, she is receiving her salary from us citzens. The argument here is not whether there shouldn’t be classes or not, it’s the kind of governance that I’m questioning.

And I really can’t contain myself, because we came from the same college and we have the same base science courses (albeit I have more advanced ones because I was in SciComm) but here she comes with a very uneducated decision, just pandered to public opinion and fanned the fears of parents to gain attention through emotional manipulation. VERY, VERY TV culture.

I said:

When you lay down rational and logical arguments, they would slap you with ad hominem like, “If you are so perfect, why don’t you run for office?!” If you ask for accountability, they will throw you, “Ok, then you go transfer to xxx!”

This is the reason why we are not progressing as a nation, our standards are so low, from education to kind of government officials. And no matter how hard you try to lift it from the mud, you will be just down again and be the one shoved on it.

And you say you want change?

Our governor was a reporter at ABS-CBN. Being a student of media studies and as a practitioner myself, I know the culture and values that TV broadcasting has inculcated into shallow people like her.

And I said on my own wall:

Our local government units and DILG just value optics.

It’s so hard when education, health, and other social services are hostaged by politics.

The trouble is, we Filipinos value optics. We were raised by mass media as kingmaker.

Read PCIJ’s ooooold books, especially From Loren to Marimar. I will slap the governor’s and the DILG secretary’s faces with copies of these.

Maybe our college library didn’t have a copy of this that’s why our governor wasn’t able to read it?

P.S. (name of my bff who’s a faculty at our college) tell your student this is the answer to his question, the book Investigating Local Governments

The PS part, it was a reference to my lecture in my bff’s class a week ago. One student asked me how to go about public relations officers of the municipal government who slam the door on student journalists. I told him, if you can’t get to the supposedly primary source, then kill them with data. Know the other routes inside the LGU by talking to other people. Know the different functions and offices of your government, and one of those doors will be an access point.

The pull of academe is strong again.  But I don’t have time.

However, if I go back to part-time teaching, maybe all my frustrations with my work, especially that manager from the land of bubble gum pop, will be counterbalanced by imparting wisdom on the next generation of communicators?

I’m so pissed right now. Yesterday, I just told some colleagues that I’ll just  go quiet quitting and not give a flying fuck about being scooped by rivals.

You see, the boss from bubble gum pop land blocked my travel to Singapore for next month to attend a huge conference and meet sources. And because I quit being a manager, I do not have the right footing to defend my stand.

So yeah, fuck you, everybody. I don’t care anymore.

I’m just gonna find myself a coffee shop/tea shop, bring a book, and read the day away.

I can’t wait to start my long leave of absence next week.

WTF!

Amihan (northeast monsoon) season is here. The habagat rains are now replaced by the cooler trade winds and it was evident when I fell asleep two nights ago with just the electric fan to cool my room instead of the aircon.

I woke up at 5 am (my body automatically does that 😑) and it looked like it was a fine morning. I tried going back to sleep so I can have energy to walk to the community market to have my liquid hand soap bottles refilled. I had a one-hour nap and off I went.

I did the usual thing: buy breakfast, lunch, and dinner for me and my girls. Liquid handsoap and scents for my room. I’m addicted to making my room smell good; it relaxes me and calms my frayed nerves at the end of every workday.

It was a good exercise and it was nice to see my academic community enjoying a slow morning like this. I am thankful that I’m very privileged to live this provincial life without sacrificing my livelihood.

My kids are better off than their elementary friends who have to endure terrible commutes, especially N, who is going to transfer to UST high school because her mom was dissatisfied with Diliman Prep. I can just imagine the two-hr commute from their house in Sikatuna Bliss to España in Manila, with all the traffic and flood. 🫠

I keep repeating over and over in my head that I made the right choice by moving back here in my hometown. Better for my kids and my sanity.

From Monday until last night, I was editing other journos’ stories and writing my own. Half of Asia was asleep because of the mid-Autumn festival, which coincides with mainland China’s Golden Week. That meant the only ones available to edit are my manager in Australia, me, and later my colleague in Japan. Sometimes our freelance editor/journo in SG chips in.

I  had to write as much as possible because I will be taking a long break on the 23rd and be back to work on 3 Nov. I need to at least try to meet my quota by 22 Oct.

It’s freaky that the faults all over the Philippines have started moving again, except for the ones in Metro Manila. Phivolcs says we are due for The Big One.

My mom, who used to teach NatSci 1, said it is fair to say that every place in the Philippines is tectonically and volcanologically active — except for Palawan because geologically that island belongs to a different plate. Palawan is its own microcontinental block that used to be attached to the Eurasian plate so it is not as geologically active as the rest of the Philippines. There are no volcanoes and earthquakes there but it is vulnerable to tsunamis if the Manila Trench decides to spew some anger.

Basically, the Philippines is squeezed by two plates—the Philippine Sea Plate and the Eurasian plate. That’s why we have these two trenches.

Anyway, Metro Manila is very vulnerable and the freaky thing is Marikina Valley Fault System (and the East Valley Fault) hasn’t had any significant activity in the last 400 years and that thing moves every 400 to 600 years.

Marikina Valley was formed because of the Marikina valley fault system. It basically slipped down and created a “valley”. A decade ago I was able to interview Dr. Solidum, the DOST secretary and former Phivolcs head, for a story. He said you can see the evidence of the fault in sections of Pasig like Canley Rd, St Paul’s Rd, and Capt. Henry Javier Rd that’s why it feels like you’re driving through a canyon when you pass though these roads. You could see the walls of rock on either your left or right. And the scary thing is a lot of condos were built just along this fault line! Some buildings were even built on top of fault lines. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Marikina Valley Fault cuts across Taguig and Makati, and BGC (which straddles both Taguig and Makati) sleeps next to it.

Oh heck, there’s another one just this afternoon.

Better prepare our Go bags and our tent and sleeping bags.