Drove my mom to the flower market  in prep for All Souls’ and All Saints’ Days this weekend.

Bulaklak at kandila.

Flower and candle.

That was the title of the short story I wrote that got published in a literary magazine of national circulation (since 1922) when I was in high school. It was about a college girl who was a candy striper (no such thing in the Philippines) who lost somebody important to her but she never had to courage to say what she needed to say. It was about the things that were left unsaid. Promises kept.

I had two published. I don’t know if it’s still existing—ok, I just Googled. It still exists but it’s just a website now, a repository of what it was supposed to be.

Anyway, the other story was about betrayal, which I wrote when I was already in freshman college. I forgot the title!!! But anyway, the protagonist was a girl who pretended to be a tomboy to repel guys. If I remember it right, she had an ex-bf who got another girl pregnant and the story started with the protagonist helping a toddler who tripped when he was running in a park. And the dad who came running after the kid was the ex.

That story was inspired by my older sister’s friend who broke up with her bf after she found out he got another girl pregnant. They were already in their third year or fourth year in college while I was still in my first year at university. I was able to translate her pain and anguish onto paper.

The tomboy part was partly me. During my first year in college I pretended to be a tomboy and it was easy because I played football everyday. I was trying to repel guys. Why? During that time, I had a blockmate who got close to me because he and I were on the same wavelength. He graduated from an art high school and majored in theater. So of course we jived. We had hung out a lot after classes. He disdained the shrilly girls who dotted the campus and I guess he gravitated towards me because I wasn’t one of them.

I didn’t know that we also had a blockmate who was in-love with him so much that she gathered all the girls who knew me and assassinated my character every chance she got. She was so jealous of me.

One girl, who was a friend, snitched and told me this. Then I told him. He laughed so hard and he said “Oh god, these girls are like high schoolers!” I said, I don’t know what the deal is but that’s the way it goes.

After several semesters, we drifted apart.

I still carried on with my tomboy image to avoid more situations like that. I was creeped out one time I heard that there were fratmen who watched our games because of me. I, with my deep-seated insecurity, thought that guys only wanted one thing from me that’s why they were like that. So to protect myself, I tried dressing up as a boy—baggy jeans, loose T-shirt (not the baby tees that dominated the era of Britney and the Spice Girls), turf football boots (or FG cleats), and baseball cap.

So that short story was a hybrid of me and my sister’s friend.

When did I stop writing fiction? 🙁

I love how Rick Beato remains baffled by what Sleep Token is/should be and/or the genre it belongs. I was attracted to Sleep Token because of their post-nu metal/prog metal songs but they have songs that you can’t box like Euclid (that I had put in my “Chill” Spotify playlist) and Emergence, which Rick analyzes in this video. As Rick said, the drummer is somewhat playing some EDM beats, which is true. The drummer, who goes by the name II, told Drumeo he listens to EDM to get inspiration. He is also heavily influenced by gospel drummers.

This song Caramel is another one that doesn’t sound like prog metal or post-nu at first then it moves into scream-fest with beautiful melodies, which is quite confusing.

There’s something magical with suspended chords, then shifting to the major chords and hitting the 7th or 5th. Their chord progressions and song structure are unique and beautiful, as Rick said. This is what he said about Sting’s compositions like Every Little Thing She Does is Magic and When We Dance, the chord progressions aren’t the normal ones you hear in mainstream music. They cannot be copied and if someone does, it would be very, very obvious.

If only song writers move away from the deadly four chords (D, A, Bm and G) that every pop song on this planet used, then they won’t have to face lawsuits like Ed Sheeran did. This was already demonstrated by the comedy act Axis of Awesome.

Speaking of gospel music, Pianote had a guest pianist, Matthew Whitaker, who transformed Sleep Token’s song Rain into some kind of gospel song. Oh I love Whitaker’s setup!

If ever they would go on an Asian tour, I’m willing to shell out for tickets in Singapore or HK. If they go to Manila, I will get the VIP seats.

But I indulged my daughter’s obsession with SB19.

We just checked in at Ibis Styles Araneta so I don’t have to drive home late at night after an entire day walking around the mall.

We’re with my bff who was Twin I’s chaperone in the concert. From 10:30 am until 5 pm, I let Twin I roam around Araneta Center to meet some members of the SB19 fansclub and grab some freebies and claim SB19 merchandise she had purchased in advance. Meanwhile, my bff and I, together with Twin A, went around Gateway mall, which had become so unfamiliar to me now that they had extended the mall to connect to Farmer’s Plaza. New cinemas, restaurants, and retailers that cater to the mid to upper middle class.

When we were checking in, the guy at the concierge asked if we were watching the concert. We said yeah, then he said you’re lucky to have booked adjoining rooms (I booked an extra room because my sis-in-law and nephew are joining us). Ibis is overbooked and many SB19 fans are still in the waiting list, hoping some will cancel their reservations, he said.

Well, first of all, I booked the hotel even before securing the tickets. Metrobank cardholders were given the privilege of buying tickets before they opened the sale to the public. My sister had lent us her card and the second Ticketnet opened the special sale, I was already trying to book using three gadgets (a laptop, a tablet, a desktop computer). I was among the first 1-2% who was able to secure tickets. How did I know? I was able to choose seats.

The tickets quickly sold out.

From that moment until 5pm today, Twin I obsessively followed all developments regarding this concert. She is updated on who will be the guest performers and what to expect, the fan “dress code”, etc.

She was so excited while she unpacked the merchandise she was able to nab.

Meanwhile, my legs are aching. Twin A and I are just chilling here in our room. Prior to flopping on the bed, I went all the way to AliMall to visit the art store that I used to patronize.

I checked the Schmincke and Windsor & Newton pro grade palettes. I also looked at the Old Holland pans that I still couldn’t bring myself to buy (they’re wildly expensive). I did buy a Taklon liner brush, which had been on my Shopee shopping cart for two years.

I need to find time this week to paint.

@lorien..rhoads

I feel so bad for her #birthratedecline #weaponizedincompentence #badhusbands #storytime #motherhoodunfiltered

♬ original sound – Lorienrhoads

Ghad. I’m much happier this way. I’ve been a single mom while married ever since so it’s basically the same minus the burden of having to take care of and accommodate a man-child in your life.

I feel bad for all of us women who are treated this way.

We just came from watching Jerrold Tarog’s Quezon at SM Cinemas.

“I am the Philippines!” shouted Manuel L. Quezon, the country’s commonwealth president.

Very apt, that monologue he did as he was being wheeled inside the Malinta Tunnel in Corregidor has double-meaning. Quezon is the Philippines, his love for her, his grand designs on her, and the movie itself—it is a good representation of what makes the Philippines the Philippines: Everything is dirty.

This movie was creative in the way how Quezon manipulated everyone like it was a game of Trip to Jerusalem. *cue the tango music* It was comical yet dark. It showed how the Americans fueled patronage politics all over the Philippines that plagues us to this day. How Uncle Sam is starting to flex his imperialistic muscles. Quezon and Osmeña played dirty because that was the system they were operating in and the kind of system that imprisoned them.

You don’t win elections if you’re not a politico. And politicos are dirty. They have to be. That’s why Leni Robredo didn’t stand a chance, she doesn’t play politics well. It’s a dirty game of chess, a smart poker game.

I am the Philippines!

Yes, the movie is very much the Philippines. No one is a hero, no one is a villain.

Even Aguinaldo was given a small window to redeem himself at the end.

I was in a ballroom-full of lawyers yesterday, listening to talks about tax, arbitration, cybersecurity, AI and copyright laws. All the while working on three stories for publication. One is still in editing limbo and I’m already on my leave. 🤦🏻‍♀️

What’s my agenda for today? After buying food outside to feed my brood and extended family, I will just shutter myself in my room and play games on my pc, read my books, or paint.

I’m 46. Gone were the days when my friends and I would be partying the night away. Even coffee dates are hard to schedule just to catch up with friends. I value sleep these days over going out. Keeping inner peace is my thing now.

My girls woke me up at exactly 12 midnight by hugging me while I was sleeping. I was half-awake when they greeted me Happy Birthday.

This is all what life is about: Love. I have everything I need.

Thank you, Lord, for the 46 years. I’m still healthy, I’m still strong, I’m still mentally sharp. Some of my classmates and friends have already been gone. It’s a privilege to reach this age.

I can’t help it. Light. It creates the mood, the ambiance. I want my home to bask in a warm glow.

I attended a conference today—zero yield. To make me feel better, I went to Ikea and went straight to the lighting section. I’ve been plotting this for days.

On Thursday, I will buy materials to make myself a Christmas-themed set of curtains. I will sew them by hand—again. Creating something with my bare hands will help reduce my anxiety.