I woke up from a terrible dream. I was working. Chasing a story. I was preparing to go to an event when my former boss in my former life as a local reporter appeared and wanted to give me pointers. I was so annoyed with him because I felt like he was holding me back when I was already running out of time. In my dream I felt so bad for having scooped by rival media outlets.

When I opened my eyes, I realized it was just a dream and I’m already on holiday.

This means I’m so stressed about work because I still dream about work.

I told Kr yesterday that I had been feeling bad for quite a while again even after figuring out a way how to ignore my boss by filtering whatever she is saying. Maybe I’m already exhausted that’s why I could no longer filter her, Kr said.

I told her our boss is wearing me down; she has been treating me like I know nothing. She even joined my call with a Singapore PR firm that was pitching stories from their clients like I don’t know how to handle such. She has been scolding me almost every week for every little thing. She even gaslighted me into thinking that it was terrible of me for taking a long break when many editors are going to be off. I said I just was taking 7-8 days off but it just so happens that there are many public holidays in the Philippines during the Christmas season that it looked like I would be off for more than two weeks.

I felt so ghastly—thinking I was being selfish—that I didn’t start my holiday yesterday. I was still replying to chats and emails, still coordinating with journos, getting comments from parties for a story I was doing with another reporter. I shaved off a day from my official holiday because I felt awful. Or rather my boss made me feel awful.

Kr told me to ignore my manager. She asked how many times have I held the fort almost by myself when all of Asia shuts down during East Asia festivals, especially during Lunar New Year? “No, you deserve this break. Go, ignore her,” Kr told me.

Why is she doing this to me?!

Two Koreans in this lifetime have been horrible to me and made me feel dreadful about myself, made me feel like I’m less of a human being. I’m starting to hate Koreans now.

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I edited two stories and rewrote one because it was problematic and all those kept me working until 9 pm today. I did a 9 to 9 🤦🏻‍♀️ so my brain is so dead right now.

When I woke up this morning at 8 am (I go back to sleep at 5:30 or 6 am after cooking breakfast for my kids), I debated with myself whether I would work my butt off today or just call it a day after the call with my team at noon.

I was writing the headline for the story I was supposed to submit today when that problematic story burst into my mailbox. My own story that I was drafting became totally forgotten.

Should I still draft it tomorrow when I’m technically already on leave?

It was just my friend C who is supposed to buy a barong for formal events that we journalists have to attend to chase our sources. I realized I needed a barong as well so I will have my fitting next week.

The owner of the shop said I can wear this with pants or skirt. I’ve seen many politicians and other government officials donning the modern barong for women instead of the traditional baro’t saya, which is so cumbersome to wear. I didn’t really have to have the embroidery handmade (a lot more expensive) since I’m not getting married in the barong—I just need to be presentable.

This was my maternal grandma’s business so my mom knows a thing or two about barongs and embroidery. I also know a little about this since we used to wash, dry and iron barongs and embroidered cloths at home before selling them for my grandma.

I discussed with my friend, C, that he should go for the piña-jusi (pronounced as pinya-husi) instead of the more expensive and formal piña (pineapple fabric woven in a traditional Filipino way) because the latter is more delicate to wear and maintain. Over time the ecru piña turns darker (in my observation). Jusi is silk but more durable and opaque than piña. It is also half the price of a piña barong. Piña is for barongs that you wear when you get married (or a similar formal occasion). Piña-jusi is jusi that is made to look like piña (i.e. to look more expensive) by hand painting the cloth with streaks to resemble piña cloth. Silk cocoon—a more expensive silk—is in between jusi and piña, since the fabric is finer and more expensive than jusi but not as fine and delicate as piña.

I said since we would be chasing sources even in such formal events like the annual cocktails at the central bank, C would be in danger of damaging a piña barong in a media scrum. He agreed and decided to go with piña-jusi with a more ethnic pattern for the embroidery—a hand-embroidered one at that—instead of the more traditional embroidery of vines and flowers.

Prior to going to Lumban, C, checked out Kultura in SM and his eyes watered at the PHP 20,000-PHP 24,000 price tag for a piña barong. The Lumban shop we were at only charges PHP 12,000 for machine-embroidered piña barong. A hand-embroidered one would be a little more expensive but still cheaper than in Kultura. C got the hand-embroidered piña jusi for only PHP 6,000, including the inner long-sleeved shirt called camisa de chino. It was such a good deal.

My barong, on the other hand, would cost me PHP 5,000 because the off-the-rack one won’t fit me. I have to clarify next week that I don’t want a hand-embroidered one. Let’s see if I could haggle the price down.

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We ate lunch in neighboring town of Pagsanjan and I introduced C to balaw-balaw: minced shrimps in coconut milk, ginger, and chilis. 

Since we were already in Lumban, I drove to Caliraya to show C the lake and the campsites and some resorts. He loved it and was entertaining a fanciful thought of buying a property there for a rest house.

And before driving him to the bus terminal in Sta Cruz to go back to Makati, I brought C to an old church in the town of Kalayaan.

We were running out of time and C needs to take the bus at 4 pm because the weekend traffic going northwest to Metro Manila is horrible.

Before anything else, my children and I had been grazing on breads and French butter and camembert cheese all day. I brought these home from dinner two nights ago  at Rockwell.

Anyway, while we were having dinner, K, the Manila boss of a competing news agency, and M, another Manila boss of another competing news agency, and I were stuffing ourselves with good food, K said C, who is my friend and M’s reporter, went on leave and didn’t know where to go to spend his personal time off. K mentioned that C wanted to buy embroidered barong in Lumban.

Later that night C inquired about how to get to Lumban. Told him to drop by my town and I’ll drive him there to check out the barongs. This morning I gave him instructions and told him to book this onsen hotel near my place and I will bring him to Lumban tomorrow.

When he messaged that he was at the resort, I told him that I will pick him up after work.

When I did, we drove through the mountain bypass road and reached the university campus where there is a food fair. That’s where we had dinner.

I then brought him to see my house. Being a gay man, he is very much interested in home decor and home renovations. He checked my kitchen cabinets and door jambs and all the finishes. He bought his Makati condo seven years ago and told me his unit is up for repainting and bathroom refresh.

He said he loved the colors I chose for my tiny home and he said my house is likely 50 sqm, bigger than I initially thought it was. I told him that several people have already commented that my home, being on the second level, is like a treehouse because we’re surrounded by trees.

I drove him back so he can enjoy the onsen and the massage that would follow.

Let’s see what will happen to our trip to Lumban later today.

Filipino food is not just Jollibee. Jollibee and other Filipinized American food is a small fraction of what the ordinary Filipinos eat. A third of our cuisine is comprised of rice and whatever can be bought from the streets from food vendors along the bangketa or from the carinderia, if you can’t cook it yourself. Sadly, the streetfood featured here is still heavy on meat, unlike in the north where there is abundance of vegetables.

Anyway, this food vlogger gravitates toward the more exotic food like betamax (skewered coagulated pig’s blood), isaw (skewered chicken intestines) and a host of other animal body parts that I didn’t think were edible. I don’t think I will try them in this lifetime, I’m squeamish like that.

However, Sonny, the food vlogger, and I agree on sisig, that late-night drinking food made of pork cheeks/face with lots of chilis, onions, cooked on high heat and served on a sizzling plate and topped with raw egg. There is an art to mixing sisig and the condiments once the sizzling plate arrives at your table. This was shown to me by drinking buddies in college and by my bandmates post-college.

If you’re well traveled, you would notice that some of these streetfood are not unique to the Philippines. Sonny even said he ate a similar skewered chicken butt in Taiwan. Actually, many streetfood in Taiwan (the ones I encountered in Jiufen) are similar to the ones I find in Binondo or Sta. Cruz, Manila.

I say that this is only a third of the Filipino cuisine because there’s another third that foreigners skip or look over: the fusion Spanish-Chinese-Malay food scattered across the archipelago. That’s why I adore Chris Zou, the Chinese Canadian TikToker who got famous for ranting about expensive hand soaps 🤣. He loves sinigang prepared for him by his Filipino Canadian friends.

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Another level of Filipino food is what I had for dinner tonight at Taupe by Chef Francis Tolentino, in the pop-up restaurant at Balmori Suites at Rockwell called Chef’s Table. I think it was a seven-course meal and everything was delicious. It was spot-on. The ceviche was 👌. My friends and I met Chef Tolentino and we complimented him for the great food. His staff was superb in servicing us. The sea urchin/uni between macarons was lovely. I didn’t care if I would itch the entire night (I did though) because it was good.

The horrible thing about this whole affair was I drove for 3 hrs to get there. I left my house at 3 pm and I arrived at Power Plant at a little past 6 pm.

It’s hard to attend Christmas dinners these days. ☠️

I don’t have my aircon on yet, even my wall fan as the evening gets more chilly. It’s raining everyday so December being cold and dry is no longer true in the past 10 or 20 years. It used to be that farmers harvest rice in November-December because it’s the start of the dry season. Since climate has gone crazy, this fucked up their planting timetables.

Anyway, I didn’t do a 9-7 today. I gave myself some grace and started to work in the afternoon. I was just attending to messages on chat apps and emails in the morning and did the heavy lifting in the afternoon until evening, editing and arranging calls and whatnot.

I’ve been scanning online appliance stores and Lazada for 40-43″ TVs because I had been thinking of upgrading my 14 to 15-year-old TV. I freaking would love to play Final Fantasy on a bigger screen with crisper visuals. However, I’m also thinking it may be a waste of money and I would be better off buying more ETFs and topping up my mutual fund, which I had been doing the past two days—because I had been feeling very guilty about my Black Friday purchases from the US. I have one box arriving on the 20th. My next boxes would probably arrive on New Year or after.

I promise that next year I would be turbo-boosting my investments because I only have 5 more years left before I return to academe and start a business. My current investment rate is 18% of my monthly income (i.e. regular top-ups of funds and stock purchases) so I should make this 50% by January and slowly make my way to 65%. These exclude my cash in time deposits and emergency funds.

I should stop this nonsense spending.

I am already done with my “love thyself” phase i.e. indulging in luxury or wants since I am doing fine now, mentally and emotionally. My self-soothing phase should be over. I’m done building my house and spending for Twin A’s medical needs. There is no reason why I should be throwing a large portion of my income to spending that I could no longer trace. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I should start disciplining myself.

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