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Binangonan, Rizal. Photo by CallMeCreation.com

Let me tell you a story.

There’s a man who is constantly searching. Searching for what, we don’t know yet. I think he doesn’t still know it yet. He is always wandering, never staying in one place for too long. Even if he stays in one city for a couple of years, he gets easily antsy and finds that he needs to move houses after a year or so. He is a restless soul.

At some point he thought what he was searching for is a home. He asked her for a home and she gladly gave him that. For a time it seems like he was home.

However, his spirit could never be still in one place. She knew that from the very beginning it was his nature but she thought that the ticking of the clock, the natural propensity of the body to get weary could finally anchor him down. It was her worst fear. But the time has come: his spirit longed to fly again. He felt caged. She refused to believe it was happening again and it was already too late when she realized that some people are created to be lone wolves. He may be an ambivert on the surface but deep inside she knows that he will thrive more being alone. It was already too late when she learned that there are different kinds of partnerships; it doesn’t mean that they have to be together. A partnership is an understanding of each other’s spirit, supporting each other without having to cage one another.

She had to let go and let him sail into the horizon against the setting sun. Sunsets mark the end of a chapter; but it is also a promise of a new one that both of them could write separately as their spirits dictate. She is just asking the Boatman to take care of the lone wolf in this journey. She whispered to the winds and waves and asked them to be gentle and to carry the wolf and the vessel safely to wherever the Boatman will direct them.

Then she scattered light on the boat as a farewell, to serve as a beacon in the night until daybreak when he finally writes a new chapter.

Maybe someday he can look back and remember he used to have a home somewhere on that hill, in that island in the middle of nowhere. Maybe when he comes to visit, that house in the middle of nowhere could be locked as nobody is home for she has embarked on an adventure of her own like slaying dragons and casting spells over kingdoms.

Or maybe it may still have smoke billowing from the chimney and a warm glow of candlelight that can be seen through the window from the outside, welcoming him back.

Maybe.

Sorry

The book is closed. I had to say all these things to him, to let go of my anger. To find my release. All he can say is sorry and take care.

I think I can move on now.

I remember
Walking in the rain
No umbrella
With your arms around me
How can I forget
That was the last time

I saw you
Waving down a taxi
Getting on without me
And you’re sorry
How can I forget
That was the last time

You’re sorry
You’re sorry
Sorry, sorry

I remember
Somewhere in a dream
A man without a face
It was you
You were quiet
I knew what you were thinking but
You couldn’t say it
Letting go of the feeling
Things ain’t what they are now
Rain is falling no umbrella
I remember you

You’re sorry
You’re sorry
Sorry, sorry

You’re sorry
You’re sorry
You’re sorry
You’re sorry
You’re sorry

I could be evil

You checked in on me today to make sure you’re still in my good graces. You’re scared I might snap and do something evil. That’s the only reason why you’re being nice to me now. Because you know very well I could ruin you as I know the loopholes in that thing that allows you to stay here. You know that I could mess up your business.

Plus I could also hunt down and haunt your little girlfriend on social media.

Because nice people could be evil when we finally snap; you just have no idea the extent of how evil I can be.

This is all I can say for now: have a happy life with your young bitch. If you get her pregnant, I will have the last laugh, you asshole.

I’ll just have heaven strike you down.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

Liar, liar, your pants are on fire!

I am convinced that he has this thing for this co-worker that he has been singing praises for months and months on end. He even wanted to get her for the other company where he is a partner. But he had always insisted she is almost half his age and she’s a lesbian. I won’t be surprised if there’s already something going on now that he’s free.

Sorry, been there. I’m not stupid. She’s the reason you’ve treated me really badly.

I hate you. I hope you rot in hell.

I am the worst person you will cross swords with. I am the person you should fear the most now.

Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned.

Retail therapy

To force myself to get back into the groove of working my butt off, I bought a new office chair from Ofix. It cheered me up a little bit today. I bought it on sale for 5k and was delivered to me today 3 days after ordering it from their online store.

New scratching chair for my cats 🤦🏻‍♀️.

It’s sturdier than the one I just replaced and the foam molds my butt. Thicker foam too. The gas lift doesn’t give way to my weight, which the older chair had been doing to me.

Goodbye, old chair. You now go to my yaya, who’s also attending online school.

Aside from the gas lift problem, the legs on this one got bendy so it’s tilted. I think one more weekend of him sitting on this would have done it in. It’s almost one month by this coming weekend since he sat on this…But it feels just like yesterday…

Anyway, I bought this gaming chair (it reclines up to 120 or 130 degrees) from Facebook Marketplace I think in May, for 3.5k. The good thing about this chair is that the fabric is holding up against the cats. Other than that, I regret buying this. Less than a month after I bought this, the reclining mechanism became wonky, it’s not locking. This made the back perpetually reclining.

This is a lesson for me: do not go cheap on yourself. You deserve better. No one else would buy it for you so go and treat yourself. Your 40+ year-old body will thank you.