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Our cuisine is more than fried food and meat. Every island, every province has its own cuisine that is fruit and vegetable based. We harvest from the sea. And if you look at it deeper, Filipino food mirrors that of our neighbors like Indonesia and Malaysia. Unfortunately, our government is more concerned about making our officials’ bank accounts fatter instead of making these foods accessible and market this beauty to tourists.

Ginisang langka, lumpiang ubod, sinabawang mais — these are some of the native dishes in my province that a vegetarian can happily eat any day.

So much missed opportunities.

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I no longer have career goals. I’m done. I’m tired. All these — they don’t have meaning.

I am more than my job. It pays the bills. It does not define me. I should detach myself from it so I won’t get hurt.

I had a rough week that I thought of quitting.

I had worked on a long piece for a week, did a lot of acrobatics just to be able to finish it, only to be shot down by the editor.

“Only two to four IPOs? Is it even worth writing about?” the editor from an OECD country said.

I just said we chuck it.

It’s so hard to defend the Philippines. I even question why do they even need me? And to make matters worse, we’re two journalists based here. I tried traveling to do reportage abroad but the editor from the land of bubblegum pop rejected that request. It makes me feel redundant.

The Philippines only matters when a mountain of garbage collapses to kill dozens of people.

No matter how much I try to elevate reportage in this tiny market of ours, we just don’t really matter. It’s like we’re Myanmar and Cambodia — the world will spin even without news from us.

I felt so defeated last week that I cried.

It’s just so hard to defend the Philippines. A very small market with a very corrupt government that doesn’t matter in this world.

It must be perimenopause or I’m sliding down into depression. I had difficulty picking myself up again after that email exchange. One of my bffs rushed from her Pilates class to have hibiscus tea with me here at home and talk. She told me it’s burnout talking. I really didn’t have a mental and physical break over the holidays so I’m like this, all frayed nerves.

Plus I’ve been in this company for 12 years, under three management changes. I know it’s time to move on but I tried looking for better roles — and still looking — but nothing fits.

This bff is a single mom of two elementary school kids so she understands why I just can’t quit and do something risky. I’m sending two children to a private school and I carry all the mental and financial load of raising them.

She warned me that consultancy isn’t enough. Entering academe full time will give financial stress because I’m a solo parent. She herself is also scared of what she will do, applying for a post-doc position in an institution abroad affiliated with her current international research agency. At least that’s a stable paycheck.

Then I had a dream last night. I dreamt about Christian Esguerra, the former ABS-CBN journalist who went full time with UST and estblished his own podcast, making full use of his broadcast journalism skills as a solo entity.

I can’t remember why he was in my dream but when I woke up this morning, it suddenly struck me that maybe I was being told by the Voice above that I should gamble and take this path.

And I heard Christian Esguerra is doing much better financially as well.

A friend and former ABS-CBN journo Jacque Manabat did the same and now has a thriving business, as a social media journalist-creator and provider of creative space for people like her.

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The problem is, I don’t have the name like they do because I’m always behind the camera. I’m only known in the business circles.

However, I have a very niche specialty and have over two decades of experience to back me up if I set up my own podcast. I had been a multi-media reporter for a broadcast network before so I’m already used to wearing several hats in one coverage…

… And I’ve been thinking of buying that Sony vlogging camera. I wasn’t pulling the trigger yet because I didn’t have any use for it.

Now I think I do.

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No wonder I see Amorsolo paintings everywhere…10,000 works! Wow! I should visit the BSP collections more often.

@cnn

Saks Global, the parent company of luxury retailer Saks Fifth Avenue, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection late Tuesday. The company had struggled with a heavy debt load following its purchase of rival Neiman Marcus in 2024. #CNN #News

♬ original sound – CNN – CNN

Saks filed for bankruptcy after drowning in debt used to acquire Neiman Marcus. It’s a case of eyes bigger than your stomach or eating more than what you can chew.

Sounds like what happened to Del Monte. The Philippines-headquartered Del Monte Pacific, eventually became the Asia Pacific entity. It then acquired the US-based Del Monte Foods Corp, the former parent. It’s like David swallowing Goliath whole. The roles were reversed; the former parent becomes a unit — albeit a headache-inducing offspring.

And now the Philippines-based parent is raising USD 600m to pay debts… Eating more than it can chew.

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I can’t seem to stop buying lamps. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I don’t know why but I’m obsessed with ambient lighting. I only turn on the white ceiling lights when I cook or when we have company. Otherwise we just turn on the lamps to illuminate our house.

I attended a presscon to give me an excuse to go to Metro Manila so I can shop for a lamp. 🤦🏻‍♀️

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I had to get out of the house to dig myself out of the rut I was in. I was working on two analysis pieces today while coordinating another story that our PH reporter will write. I couldn’t afford to not be productive today.

So I went to a co-working space.

It was effective. I was halfway through my first piece when I got distracted by an editing job. I accomplished so much within the three hours I worked in that cold office. I knew I wouldn’t have achieved anything had I stayed at home. There were so many distractions (chores, cats, my bed) plus being locked up in my room for more than a week does *things* to my capacity for critical thinking.

Local stock market looks better this week compared to the past few months or years. This is the first time that my ETF was only negative PHP 300. In the past 10 yrs I was always bleeding. I partially cashed out my ETF at a loss when I was building my house.

This would continue until the market corrects/rebalances in February. Let’s see if the winning streak will continue until June — unless the US implodes before that.

@dena_mccoy

🇺🇸 A United States combat veteran’s perspective… #repost @kris.and.dave

♬ original sound – Dena McCoy

This song suddenly popped up in my head:

I was suddenly roused from my bed rotting by my mom yesterday because her laptop’s charger stopped working and she had a zoom meeting at 2 pm. I hopped from one shop to another trying to buy a replacement but that dang tiny Acer pin made it difficult to find a match. Even the Acer service center didn’t have it and it will take several weeks before Acer could ship an original charger.

I ended up racing to another city 23 km from home to get to SM Cyberzone. 50 mins to and 50 mins back.

So now I’m off to a good start, going to the community weekend market on Sunday January morning.

Hope that this a good start for the week. Let’s see if Washington will throw more bombs (figurative and literal) to cause a world economic meltdown.

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I finally taught Twin A how to use the sewing machine.

After the sewing lesson, I made a new table cloth, which Twin A also chose.