My Oppo earbuds case/charger. I’m into cute cat things now.Photo by CallMeCreation.com.
Here is my small cat.
And here is my big cow. I mean, cat.
Kimchi the cow. Photo by CallMeCreation.comMy ever loyal companion while I work. Sushi. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I love my cats. They make me smile all the time.
Still in bed at 6 am. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I got woken up at 6 am by my cats, who kept meowing outside my bedroom door. They complained that their food bowls were already empty. Then it took me a while to get back to sleep. I woke up at 8:58 am, just two minutes before my MS Teams call where I would have to present the trends in Southeast Asia.
Good thing I was already half-decent at that time.
Lasagna swimming in marinara sauce. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I cooked lasagna for dinner on my slow cooker. I had put too much sauce and cheese. It’s a lovely gooey mess but Twin I loved it.
What if there is somewhere out there who is meant for me? Am I shutting out that person because I am very stubborn and wouldn’t open up to people? Am I right to just hide away and let anger just consume me until I become a witch cooking children deep in the forest?
But how many heartaches must I experience? How many risks do I have to take?
I don’t know why I’m suddenly thinking about this. Maybe because of my conversation with my friend the other night?
But I’m tired.
But then life is not just about finding a partner. Life is a journey and having a partner is not the destination but rather something you may pass through or just a stop. It’s not a goal; it’s just incidental.
I don’t understand myself these days. I may be transitioning or I am just hormonal.
Lol been saying this over and over again. Dati noong maliit pa ang Pinto, tuwing may opening exhibit nandoon si madam Imelda Marcos in her mestiza long dress. I saw her once there kasama mga bodyguards niya. Old style pero still treated like a queen.
I would never support enablers. I’ll stop going to Pinto; there are other galleries out there.
I just learned Dr. Cuanang is also the doctor who issued the questionable medical opinions for Gremlin a.k.a. Gloria Macapagal Arroyo to escape prosecution. No wonder this doctor has a lot of money; he serves the biggest crooks in the world.
Twin I inside one of the galleries of Pinto Art Museum, the first time they went there when they were 4 years old Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I had been chatting on Telegram yesterday with a friend, who taught me the mantra, “All is well. All is well,” whenever bad thoughts about the past come to invade my head. He told me that not all men are like my exes so I shouldn’t lump together all men under one category.
Well, I told him, I will only change my opinion of men if I meet creatures of their sex that are the opposite of my exes. But as far as I’m concerned, all of them are the same (sorry friend, that includes you). He got pissed, of course, since he was cheated on by his gf who slept with his officemate. 😑
Why is that my friends and I are in this predicament? Because we’re nice? Maybe we shouldn’t play nice anymore. It’s a dog-eat-dog world anyway. The nice ones die quickly.
This friend got depressed for two months and just got out of this funk this year (the cheating happened last year) and he told me I had dwelt too long in my grief. I said this is precisely the reason why I went to a shrink so I can get out of this clinical depression alive. I was too late in consulting a professional (already 8 months after the fact) that’s why it got protracted.
And I pointed out to him that his ex-gf didn’t send him a painting to destabilize him like mine did. The friend did acknowledge that the ex-gf was not as cruel as my ex.
Hah, it’s already 10:34 pm I’m still working on an energy story. Being workaholic makes me dull. I haven’t drawn anything in weeks. This is what it is like having your ass always on the line. I have back-to-back calls tomorrow with the sales team and then in the afternoon, I need to talk to one of my people to tell him that our bid for his promotion wasn’t granted. So I needed to push him further to improve his stats so I can make another attempt by end of the year to push for his promotion.
Meanwhile, I needed to handhold the newest member of the team because of her language issues and she isn’t used to the Western-style journalism, so I need to co-write her stories until she gets the hang of it. If I don’t do it, she will be kicked out by end of the year. I keep on losing people due to language issues and/or not being able to cope with Western standard journalism.
As my former APAC editor told me, the hardest bureau to run in Southeast Asia.
I will campaign for another raise for me by end of the year because of the headaches I’m having.
This should make dollar-earners like me happy. But no, this makes all goods more expensive because we are a net oil-importing country. Among other things that we also import are rice, durable goods, and just about everything. We even import onions and garlic from Taiwan.
WTF.
Jeepney drivers are already sleeping inside their jeeps because they could no longer afford to go home because they no longer earn anything as gas prices continue to climb.
The group of journos I am with right now are starting a movement to create news content in bite sizes for Tiktok to combat disinformation on such platforms. A friend just did a Tiktok of the horrible commuting life in Metro Manila. I took it upon myself to create a Tiktok about the impossibility of PHP20/kg rice that was the campaign promise of Marcos Jr. Another friend will be releasing tomorrow a Tiktok of the forex situation now.
Because Marcos trolls are very active on social media now, trying to paint the false picture that things are hunky dory and that they claim only detractors are saying we have a crisis. That’s what they did to that friend’s Tiktok video about the horrors of commuting in Manila; they mass-reported it as “dangerous” so her video was taken down even without the benefit of being properly reviewed by Tiktok.
A crisis of food accessibility, economic, and information. We are in deep shit.
And I and my colleagues have an important role to play.
How many times do I have to experience being fished by a fake profile on Instagram? Since I don’t look like I’m in my 40s, they think I am single and ready to mingle. When they message (even if my profile is set to private, they can still message me) I always tell them, I’m 42 and a single mother, so go away. On IG, it’s usually those claiming to be Chinese/Taiwanese or Korean living out of their home countries. On Twitter, it’s usually American servicemen and I ignore them because their kind always think Filipino women can easily be bought with dollars and promises of being flown out of the Philippines.
Oh sorry, I’m not one of those. I don’t blame those who belong to the lower economic strata for targeting AFAMs (A Foreigner Assigned in Manila) so they can get out of poverty/Philippines. However, these foreigners shouldn’t generalize that all Filipino women are into that kind of thing. It’s insulting.
Men are dirty. I’ve truly lost trust in them.
I sound so bitter. But can you blame me?
While attending an ADB financial forumin my house clothesand a four-legged officemate.
I was so busy today that I only had 30 minutes to eat lunch and have a bathroom break. I had to write a story, edit, do admin work, and attend conferences/webinars. On top of that I had calls in between and trying to have my internet connection fixed. I finally succumbed and contacted the corp comm team of my ISP and asked them to expedite my internet repairs. After a few hours, my connection was fixed 🙄. I really don’t want to use my connections for such things but Internet is very critical to my job.
Oh, and those white earbuds that I’m wearing in that photo are my new Oppo earbuds that I was able to buy on sale. I didn’t realize how freeing such thing could be. I was talking somebody on my phone, that was just on my phone stand on my desk, while I was walking around in my room. Good for driving as well. I don’t know why I resisted buying this for so long. Ah, because I’m an audiophile and I always thought their bass is pale at best compared to the sound of my over-the-ear Audiotechnica bluetooth headphones. Well, the earbuds are just ok for exercising and for phonecalls but for listening to music, nothing beats the over-the-ear ones and of course, speakers with a subwoofer.
Today is much better. I finally reconciled that yeah, a double-digit raise is not so bad even if I didn’t get the pay level I wanted. As for my people, I will just have to ask for concessions for transportation allowances for them given the high cost of transportation and generally everything else.
Inside a taxi on the way home. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I left my car at the auto shop. I am car-less for a month and I pray that I won’t have any event in Makati that I need to go to because OMG it’s so hard to book Grab today and all days. 😭
Rainy Sunday. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I feel forlorn. I’m immobile. First time I am car-less in Metro Manila since 2009. I hope I will have it back before July 22. 😭😭😭
Meanwhile, the girls are having dinner with their dad and paternal aunts and uncles tonight. All is supposed to be well but suddenly Twin A sent me this screenshot (from I don’t know whose phone). It’s an FB post of their dad that says “Happy Fathers’ Day, regular customers!”
I don’t care if he has a harem or he takes out prostitutes regularly but he forgets he has children who can see his social media posts and they’re all girls 🤬 No delicadeza at all!
Now I don’t know how I would do damage control but I have to talk to my children about female dignity and we are more than sex objects. This is all upsetting.
You see, they have developed abhorrence towards the male sex because of what their dad did/is doing and what Tito J did/is doing. They no longer call J as Tito J but they call him by a codename or sometimes he goes nameless when they happen to remember him/or an incident with him in it. That’s how they hate him now. It doesn’t help that they saw and keep seeing J’s gf online who they think is a slut or not different from the women in the above screenshot. They adored him before. They looked up to him. Twin I was even copying his habits like tea drinking and she came to like vegetables. Now she dropped the tea drinking after she discovered about his gf. I could only feel pity towards my girl whose only male role model became eroded.
And now they’re seeing their dad’s perversion.
They told me once when they slept in their dad’s house that they used his laptop and saw a lot of “photos of women” (oh dear lord, I hope is not porn) in the hard drive or somewhere in his computer.
This is what I’m afraid of. Without a proper male role model, they may have a distorted view of the opposite sex and may get into wrong/troubled relationships in the future. I grew up seeing my mother’s co-dependence so that’s what I learned from her, hence, I inherited the same behavioral defect, which my first shrink told me.
I am afraid that my girls would only see their value if they’re all “sexed up” because that’s how the men in their lives see women: as sex objects. If the women that the the girls’ father figures keep always show their boobs, are preoccupied with their looks, and are scantily clad in public, they would think that is the beauty standard. Since I don’t do those, they would think that must be the reason why I always get cheated on. Even though they know it’s not, at the back of their minds it could be one of those things. Right now, both of them feel they’re ugly and have very low self-esteem. Despite my best efforts to lift up their self-esteem and their morale, if they don’t have a male authoritative figure who can say that they’re beautiful and smart, they would forever have these chips on their shoulders. How do I know? Because I grew up like that. I always thought myself ugly and unworthy of anything because my father is a narcissistic idiot.
Now I’m treading treacherous waters. How do I navigate this difficult narrative? My closest male friend is gay. They’re all gay! So who to talk to about this? I need to ask my brother to help correct this distortion.
They’re adolescents now. How do I talk to them about healthy self-image when I struggle with it myself?😥
Made bento brunch today because I wanted to make soybean paste soup with mushrooms and tofu. It goes well with rice balls, salted spinach with sesame oil, and chicken drummets.
Got the text message from the girls’ school that we could claim their school text books so we hopped into the car and off we went. Along with the books came the list of school supplies that we needed to buy.
Paying for our purchases. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Then we went to the farthest SM we can go to: SM Mall of Asia in Pasay. Why the heck did we go there? Because this will be the last day we will have the car at our disposal because tomorrow I will bring this to the car shop for major body repairs and other mechanical repairs. I will have the radiator replaced with the bigger and thicker one, too.
Anyway, the girls and I bought new school bags and shoes that would go with their new school uniforms. They would be starting classes on the 11th of July and I guess I still don’t have the car by then.
All that shopping called for calories. The nearest restaurant with the shortest queue was Genki Sushi.
Cheese koroke (croquet) and salmon teriyaki rice bowl. Photo by CallMeCreation.comLemon honey soda. Photo by Twin A.Wait staff don’t serve the food. The food comes via a miniature Shinkansen. Video by CallMeCreation.comBusy tucking in food. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Since we had to maximize the diesel I wasted on this trip, I picked up a drawer, a saucepan (because the old one is already leaking), and some kitchen sink organizers from Ikea.
Good luck to me building this thing. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Ah, retail therapy. I have a love-hate relationship with you.
The only thing I did was to clean the exhaust fan in the bathroom and cook dinner. Otherwise I was horizontal the whole day because I needed to enter the zen mode after last night’s trigger episode. I don’t want to take my anti-anxiety/tranquilizer as my shrink told me to do when such event arises because I want to completely be off it. I want to be better soon. I want meds off me. I only have been taking escitalopram (antidepressant) since April and my goal is to stop it by August, according to my shrink’s timetable.
It’s enough that he destroyed me and my mental health. I don’t intend to prolong it. I had given him too much power over me. He doesn’t deserve me and this power. Sending me that painting was an attempt to regain that power but I didn’t let him. Even my shrink was flabbergasted with that action but she didn’t offer any explanation. She was probably waiting for how I would act on it. Being a person with full mental faculties still intact despite nearly going insane, I had the will power to shut him out by ending it with “thanks, got it” as I still had my self-respect with me. If I didn’t, I would have started a conversation and that would open Pandora’s box. But I didn’t because I loved myself more at that moment. It was a painful fall, though, but I bounced back with the help of friends. But it was hard.
He must be messing up other people now.
Not me. No longer me.
But I have to admit I’m still struggling with anger and a whole gamut of other inexplicable emotions.
I was able to overcome yesterday’s anxiety attack without the tranquilizer though, which is already a feat. I just need more will power to continue fighting this. I need to be stronger to be healthier.
As my colleague-friend said, I need a distraction. She asked, do you have Bumble? I said no and people there are worse scammers. I would rather hang myself. She conceded and said, yeah, I guess you’re right.
So I guess I need to have my house built soon so I can be distracted. I don’t need to date to distract me. That’s suicide.
Brunch. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My brunch is comprised of side dishes. 🤣 Well, it’s better this way.
Meanwhile, I found that consumer companies have started adjusting their packaging in response to the current high prices. Cream is not necessarily a staple in Pinoy pantries; a smaller package would make it affordable so buyers won’t have to skip it when doing their food shopping. During times like this, consumers stick to basics.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
This has been my question to companies in the past few weeks: how are you adjusting your services and your products as people continue to tighten their belts? They have done this in 2008. Some companies survived but some didn’t. As for Monde Nissin, they told me they’re not reducing their packaging/weight but they’re adding “pairs” so that consumers would feel more value for money compared to competition, which have shrunk the sizes or weight. I remember in 2008, I had to ask Jollibee, the bellwether for Filipino consumption, how they would twist and turn as prices of rice and oil skyrocketed. If I remember it correctly, the CEO’s response was they would have smaller rice portion (Jollibee is the largest private sector rice importer in the country). I remember showing in my article the gross and profit margins of that company and computing the differences for several quarters to illustrate how inflation compresses them.
It’s tricky. If your products and services are discretionary, you would have to do gymnastics to be able to ride this crisis. As I have learned during several economic cycles, when you’re not part of the “basics” basket, you should increase marketing spend while sticking to producing your core products and innovations have to take the backseat. This is something that Microsoft and Apple did during the Global Financial Crisis of 2008-2009. This is what I learned, too, in my classes at the Asian Institute of Management.
Let’s see how other sectors would respond. I have yet to receive their email responses to my questions.
