Yey! I was able to write a long-ish feature article today and right now it is being uploaded. I didn’t go to any coffee shop because I woke up late and it was hot. It was such a struggle to be able to get into the writing zone today. I needed a big push to start writing, like a looming deadline (last workday of the month).
So that’s it. I’m no longer motivated by whatever is happening at work. Writing is like pulling my guts out and it seems like I have no reason to do that anymore.
I really need to address this problem. My livelihood rests on my ability to write and if I keep on getting this writer’s block, I’m screwed.
This lethargy may be brought about by my need to implement the drastic changes I want to do, like moving houses, to signal a change in the direction of my life. I needed a serotonin boost to get me through the day so I bought several shares of ETF while prices yo-yoed this morning. I did two tranches to catch the drop in prices.
After that, the guilty feeling of not being able to adult for the entire week has been erased so I clicked “buy” on that retro-looking red Midea microwave oven on Lazada. Do we really need a microwave? Yes, our househelp said. We use the defrost function in the microwave when we’re running out of time and lunch just came out of the freezer. We heat leftover food with it. And if I do batch-cooking again especially when we move to my hometown in 2023, I would need a microwave oven for dinners and lunchboxes. So yes, my purchase was justified.
I also bought new chairs for the girls again because the black ones that I bought from SM were of bad quality. The place where metal screws go underneath the shell of the seat are made of soft plastic and they broke. I bought the new adjustable rolling chairs from Ofix instead of Ikea because they have quicker delivery time.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Hopefully these will last longer.
Meanwhile, I was able to fix the backrest of this one, which was pushed all the way to the the back since this is a recliner gaming chair. The hydraulic seat no longer lifts but it’s usable. One of the legs is wonky because J kept on leaning on one side when he used this so it was a little bent. But this is still serviceable so I will throw this at the back of my car tomorrow to give to my sister or nephew.
Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I’m just rambling on. It’s like having verbal diarrhea in front of a shrink to let this all out but in truth I’m masking the real problem. My birthday leave didn’t help at all.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I’m in a writer’s rut. I can’t bring myself to write this week and I have one analysis piece that I need to publish before the month ends (like tomorrow!!!) and another feature that is awaited by my interviewees. Productivity is half although my editing is still sharp; it’s just that I can’t write.
I need to get out tomorrow or else I will suffer from writer’s block. I will just sleep this off again. I need to be in a coffee shop for a change of scenery. Bo’s Coffee near my house probably and then I can transfer to Starbucks on the other side of the village much later.
I was like this in 2014 then after my gall bladder surgery, I resigned and signed on with my current company.
I can’t seem to put my finger in it why I’m having these productivity meltdowns more often. The seven-year-itch probably? Or lockdown burnout? I don’t know but I gotta cure this fast.
Vegetarian. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I don’t think I’ve had pork for more than a week now. I’ve been going vegetarian most days and like this one, I’ve had string beans in coconut milk and a fancy egg drop soup with leeks for dinner. I need to have more calorie-deficit days to make up for the food I consumed in my mom’s house when she ordered a lot of stuff to celebrate my birthday last Sunday.
Meanwhile, a few minutes ago my househelp asked me about Dekada ’70 (The ’70s), a novel by Lualhati Bautista. I told her it’s a fictional story of the Bartolome family set against a real historical backdrop–during Martial Law. I told her do not watch the movie, it’s better to read the book because the movie was watered down. She said she tried looking for it at National Bookstore because it’s an assigned reading for her Philippine Literature class. Right there and then, I bought the book off Shopee and within minutes I told her the vendor should be sending the pocketbook by Saturday.
I was delighted that her teacher is progressive enough to make her students read this.
I read this in high school and I think I wrote a paper about it for my Filipino class. It was one of the biggest eye-openers for me and since then I started researching about what really happened in those times. I read more books about it since it was a dark time for Philippine journalism as well. Of course, Martial Law was pivotal for my family too because this has shaped the politics of my parents. My mom was a member of Kabataang Makabayan (a student activist organization) whose members were imprisoned, tortured, and killed during that time. My father’s activism came in later but until his dying day, he was still affiliated with the reformist leftist groups (the breakaway from the the Maoist group of Jose Maria Sison).
We also did the Martial Law project for my former TV network and I was supposed to interview then Bangko Sentral Deputy Governor Diwa Gunigundo for this project but some personal matters took over and the interview did not push through. I hope I can do it soon for a special project. Anyway, Gov Diwa was imprisoned during Martial law when he was the editor-in-chief of The Philippine Collegian–the student paper of the University of the Philippines Diliman that openly criticized Ferdinand Marcos when nobody in mainstream media dared. My mom said even non-UP people were grabbing copies of Kule (Philippine Collegian’s nickname) when Diwa was EIC because “it was the only one publishing the truth at that time; everything published by others was propaganda and lies.” When Diwa and I once chatted, I told him he probably knew my uncle, my father’s cousin, Nick Atienza, who was also imprisoned at that same time at Fort Bonifacio (which is ironically the posh BGC now) and was the secretary-general of Kabataang Makabayan at that time. Diwa was shocked. He shook his head. “Nick was just three cells from me. I could hear them (military) torturing him every night, bashing his head like a troso (lumber) against his cell wall. It’s a miracle that he lived through that. Nick suffered the most horrible torture ever known among the Martial Law detainees who had lived,” Diwa said.
Nick Atienza had trouble walking for the rest of his life because of the shrapnel still embedded in his legs. My parents recommended to him my father’s orthopedic surgeon to help him with his problems. When my dad’s doctor learned who Nick was and how he obtained his injuries, he waived his professional fees. Since Nick was also a faculty member at UP, he probably had other fees discounted as well because he was treated at UP-PGH.
So I had a teacher for my Social Science 2 (Great Political Theories) in college who proclaimed that it’s not true that Ferdinand Marcos committed the crimes that people had thrown at him and there were no human rights violations during that time. I barked at my teacher and told her, “So what can you say about an uncle of mine who was tortured at Fort Bonifacio?” I always had heated debates with this teacher who always cited The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli, justifying Marcos’ actions during his 21-year rule (“the end justifies the means”). She failed me because she was just too annoyed that I challenged her lies. When she did that to me, I went straight to the department chairman and complained. Instead of taking the removal exams, because I didn’t want to deal with her anymore, I took again that class under a different teacher. That cost me my cum laude. I was running for honors then.
I was expecting my parents to berate me for failing. But my father said: It’s better to fail than to accept lies being fed to you. It’s better to stand up for what you believe what is right.
And this has been my guiding principle ever since.
Maaari nang magregister sa QC Vax Easy Plus (https://t.co/tqqTpffy5B) ang MINORS (12-17yrs old) na residente o nag-aaral sa ating lungsod para sa nalalapit na pagbabakuna ng mga menor de edad. pic.twitter.com/ltR11I3Uj5
Finally, they will start vaccinating children 12 to 17 year old with comorbidity. My kids aren’t qualified yet since they’re still 10 years old but hopefully they will have the vax before the new school year starts in July 2022. I feel bad for them that they haven’t seen their friends in almost two years. Going to school online for this long really takes a toll.
Meanwhile, individuals who are immunocompromised can receive their booster dose in the coming weeks.
The DOH is expected to provide a specific list of people who will be eligible to receive a third dose as immunocompromised individuals in the coming weeks.
For now the HTAC has recommended individuals with the following conditions be considered.
I have gained back the weight I lost during my Covid episode. I think I need to start biking short distances to regain my strength back. Or start walking first around UP campus. I don’t want to end up like a blimp before Christmas.
Speaking of Christmas, my househelp will be going home to her province, so there will be no one left to look after the cats. What I will be doing is I will drive the girls to my mom’s place again, come back here in QC and the cats and I will be staring at one another for a couple of weeks then I will bring the girls back before New Year.
That sounds lovely. <3
The surging commodity prices have hit oil-importing countries like the Philippines, pushing up prices of goods and services. Jeepney drivers, already crippled by the limited number of passengers they can carry per trip, are crying for help.
The skyrocketing prices of industrial metals have made thieves and scavengers a lot of money.
A Toyota Prius hybrid reported stolen last month in Nagakute, Aichi Prefecture, was later recovered with its catalytic converter cut out.
“I’d never heard of such a case in this prefecture until now,” a source close to the police said.
American and British police would be unlikely to say the same. Emissions-reducing catalytic converters have become a target of choice for thieves worldwide, notably in the U.S. and the U.K., as the precious industrial metals they contain have surged in price.
The pandemic’s lingering effects would be felt for quite a while even though mobility has been eased up a bit.
My colleague in Singapore attended a conference in Marina Bay Sands and sent a photo of her dining alone in one huge table. She said it felt so weird. It sounds so odd now that face to face conferences are being held now even if the number of cases remain worrisome.
We had an editorial meeting this morning with the global managing editor and we were told the parent company may implement a flexi working arrangement from now on, especially for journalists. We don’t have to report to the office that regularly since it would depend on where we would be more productive. This may be used to justify my remote working arrangement in the future if the time comes they would force me to plant myself in Singapore. The cost of education there will kill a single parent like me that’s why it’s best I stay here. As a foreigner, my kids will not be assured of slots in Singapore public schools so they will always be on the waiting list every year. That has been the dilemma of Filipinos living there who don’t have the “expat package” that skilled foreign workers used to enjoy when they are assigned to Singapore. I have one friend who sent his entire family back home to the Philippines so they could enroll the children here after living in Singapore for so long. I don’t want that for my kids.
So let’s see by next year what the people upstairs would say.
Duterte and his administration are really afraid of women. For all his misogynistic attitude towards women, deep down he is really scared of us. Look at those who rose up against him: VP Leni Robredo, Sen. Leila de Lima (jailed), Hidilyn Diaz (harassed by government), and Maria Ressa, Nobel Peace Prize laureate.
He loves to harass and belittle female journalists. It is a scary time to be a journalist in this country. We had been a hotspot for journalist killings for years now (we were the most dangerous place for a journalist next to Iraq for quite some time now) but it has heightened during the reign of Duterte. I am glad I no longer have to report national news and suffer through his Q&A, press conferences with Harry Roque, or even monitor Duterte’s late night ramblings.
“Many Philippine presidents have attacked the press, but only Rodrigo Duterte, of all the presidents, have publicly subscribed to the idea that journalists are fair game for murder,” Varona says.
Because of the dangers we are facing with Duterte’s rise to power, some veterans in the industry like Howie Severino, Glenda Gloria, and Sheila Coronel, called us to a meeting in a secluded restaurant in Quezon City just to talk about forming a guild so that we can protect ourselves and fight back. Sadly, nothing happened after that initial meeting because we were just too damn busy trying to survive our day-to-day work of churning out stories. This was the week I got brutally attacked by government-backed online trolls that even harassed my office in Hong Kong.
I had issues with Maria Ressa and I won’t list them down here and those who had been in the industry long enough know what those are. But I admire her grit and determination to fight this tyrant single-handedly. I had marched alongside them wearing black when they had the march for press freedom in UP.
Since day one of becoming a journalist–since I co-wrote that series on juvenile justice–I knew that every time I publish a story, I have one foot on my grave. I had been threatened with lawsuits before and I had been scared but I pushed on. Being a journalist during the time of Duterte, even if you are not covering him, is a doubly dangerous job. I was told that a powerful government official does not like me because I am vocal about my anti-Duterte stance. And he scolded me and lost his cool on national TV when I was hosting a forum where he was a guest. I was asking a fair question that everyone needed to ask. It was scary but I had to keep my composure. I was told he and other officials boycotted the forum the following year because of me.
I had friends in Reuters publicly lynched by the mob, having their IDs, photos and personal information posted on the Internet, with trolls encouraging the public to inflict physical harm on them and their families. (Upon investigation by some of my other journo friends, my Reuters friends’ personal information was leaked from their records with the National Bureau of Investigation–information that they got whenever we needed clearance to apply for visas or passports). In a country where life is very cheap (you can have somebody killed for only PHP 5,000), those are not empty threats. Their employer had to take them and their families to safehouses until the storm died down. I was so distraught that time that I had to take a break from the Philippines and went to a place where no one spoke English–Taiwan–and took a breather to collect myself for a week. I just didn’t want news from the Philippines and I just had to be away immediately.
But Maria Ressa had to endure conviction, harassment, bankruptcy, and daily mental torture and yet she plodded on. She had to wear bullet-proof vests whenever she goes out. Because it’s no secret Duterte wants her dead.
This administration has demonized us. It’s in every dictator’s playbook–demonize every journalist and create your own propaganda machine and feed your shit to the public that has lost trust on the media. Now you all have this revisionism going on and conspiracy theories that make the maleducated poor believe the lies.
Journalists in South America face drug cartels and the corrupt government officials in cahoots with them, we in Southeast Asia battle despots like Duterte and the Marcoses. Journalists in Russia, China (in HK, that is), and the Philippines face the same thing.
My daughter expressed her interest in becoming a journalist. I told her, anak, you can become whatever you want but I hope you don’t follow my footsteps. You will be penniless and you will get killed.
This lockdown will never end and this Delta variant is just getting started. I’m scared for my children as no vaccine has been allowed for those aged 18 and below. Even if I’m already fully vaccinated, I can still carry the virus back home when I’m buying supplies outside. I haven’t gone out since Thursday last week or 8 days. My freezer is holding up so I really don’t have to buy meat but I have gone low on vegetables. I have to brave it tomorrow.
Meanwhile, Dept of Health Secretary Duque is going straight to hell. He has to answer a lot of questions…missing funds, unpaid hazard pay and allowances to healthcare workers, missing PhilHealth money…He is Satan’s little worker. He’s going straight to hell.
According to Commission on Audit (COA), DOH spent PHP 700,000 (USD 13,868) for four laptops. I wonder what kind of rocket DOH was launching to require them to buy a laptop costing PHP 175,000 (USD 3,467) each.
When I was still reporting on national issues, I used COA reports during my slow news days to investigate how each line agency or Congress is spending its budget. I once wrote about congressmen spending most of their pork barrel on waiting sheds and basketball courts that do not exist. When I was doing the investigative reports on the Napoles pork barrel scam, I used COA reports to follow the money and I haunted the Securities and Exchange Commission to get the General Information Statements of the NGOs that were supposedly the recipients of the pork barrel funds.
PhilHealth not paying hospitals is already crippling the country’s healthcare system. A lot of hospitals are going belly-up and many more will become crippled and may have to close down if this goes on. I wrote a long-form article last year regarding this. As some of my sources said, private hospitals outside Metro Manila have bigger exposure to Philhealth compared to those in Metro Manila as the percentage of privately insured patients and out-of-pocket payers is higher in the country’s capital compared to the provinces. This is dangerous since there is a dearth of public and private hospitals in the provinces and if you have a raging pandemic, it’s like you have already doomed the population that lives outside Imperial Manila.
I was supposed to write something related to this for a local news outfit but the lockdowns and my lack of free time for other things outside my day job have hampered me from doing this. This kind of reportage requires old-fashioned shoe-leather journalism—it involves poring over voluminous public records and documents that could only be provided by sources. Clandestine meetings with sources. Working as an independent journalist on output-basis arrangement with a news agency is not feasible unless the journalist is under a grant. Investigative stories should be done by news outfits that can dedicate a team for this, which we did before. It’s expensive and a lot of work. The news desk will also be understaffed because it will lose people who can write and edit daily spot stories because these people will have to dedicate their waking hours to the project.
So I can’t blame newspapers, TV networks, and online news outfits for not being able to build and retain a special team to tackle stuff like this. They are caught up with the day-to-day production of news stories as they fight for eyeballs and ad revenues. And this country is not like Singapore where nothing happens–where trivial things get front page treatment. Our news cycle is faster than other markets–about two weeks max–because this country is just too fucked up, too many things happening. I remember going through and reporting on a civil war, major earthquake, and earth’s strongest typhoon on record, all of which happened in just three months.
So it is up to the special dedicated investigative journalists to put these corruption stories to the spotlight.
All The President’s Men and Spotlight will not happen if not for them.
I’ve talked to two HR managers today–two cousins of mine who works and worked in global companies–for career advice.
It has been weighing on my mind for months and months. Both of them gave me some kind of solution to my predicament, but each gave me a different approach. So I’ll sleep on it and if I still feel the same tomorrow, then I roll into action.
But right now I’m starting to get a bit… apprehensive. What if there’s really no room for me to maneuver? What if the solution is like jumping from the frying pan into the fire?
How to be brave?
I’ve taken so many risks in my life and I’ve been strong because I have no other choice because I’m a single parent. But I don’t know if I am brave or just foolish.
