The Philippines Women’s National Football team will be playing this afternoon at the FIFA Women’s World Cup. The Malditas aka the women’s national team, made it to World Cup after their win at the AFC Women’s Asian Cup earlier this year.
Unfortunately, our ass is getting whooped by Switzerland right now.
Once upon a time, I wanted to join the national team although I knew I was not that good as a fielder and as a goal keeper. But I loved the game so much that just one game with the national team would have been a dream come true.
Now, I couldn’t even think about running half the football field at the speed and agility I had before. 😂
Meanwhile, I finally managed to force Kimchi to wear the body leash. She refused to move, like she was saying, over my dead body!
Last night I had a heart-to-heart talk with my eldest nephew as he is struggling mentally and academically. He was dismissed by the university because he wasn’t able to pass even one subject because he wasn’t able to complete requirements/projects—but he regularly comes to class so there’s willingness on his part to make it work.
I think he is clinically depressed with general anxiety and the parents refused to recognize. I had been telling my SIL that I was already seeing the signs and the boy also acknowledges that he needed help but he didn’t know what kind of help he should get. The parents didn’t want medication because of the stigma but clearly talk therapy is not working. He struggled during Covid lockdowns and it all went downhill from there and never recovered. It went to the point that he no longer left his room and seldom took showers. It’s that bad.
I described to him my situation before when I was deep into my depression, what I was feeling, and what I went through. He said that is exactly how he felt and that finally, somebody knows how it is. I told him to tell his counselors about my suggestion regarding undergoing psychiatric therapy with medication. I said at that time, I am aware what I was having (during the episodes of deep depression), I knew I needed help, and I knew what exactly I needed to do, but there’s this helplessness inside that kept me from getting out of bed and be a productive member of the society. I was just at the bottom of the barrel and couldn’t get out of it, couldn’t even do anything because there’s this dark cloud pressing me down. This emptiness was so painful that I needed to numb myself but I didn’t know how so my sleeping pattern was just fucked up.
I talked to him as an artist to an artist so I could reach that inner child within him. He’s good at drawing and he said he couldn’t understand why he could no longer make art. The last one he created was in February 2020, right before the lockdowns.
I told him that in the midst of my gut wrenching pain, I was able to rediscover my art again because I needed to have an outlet for this pain, this heaviness. And this rolled into another drawing, and another drawing. And soon I was rediscovering painting again. I told my nephew, it took me 25 years to get back to it. “You just left it for 3 years, you can come back to it just like I did,” I said. “Art, alongside my therapy, saved my ass. Blogging saved my sanity. You should get back to your art and I’ll help you with the therapy because locking yourself up and not seeing people means you need more than talk therapy. I’ll help pay for it.”
I showed him the pieces that were hung on my walls, each story of what I was feeling at that time I was drawing or painting it. I told him how I felt whenever I finish one piece of art. “It’s a serotonin boost, I tell you. It was me. It was like finding myself,” I told him. “Go find yourself.”
I gave him one hardbound blank page notebook (like Moleskine) for doodles and a thick sketchbook that I hadn’t used since it was bought. He got excited to start again. He said, he never thought about drawing again to use it as outlet instead of sleeping to numb the pain, the hollowness.
“Draw something for me tonight and post it on Instagram. I will follow you and track your progress. Talk to your counselors about medication and going into honest-to-goodness psychiatric therapy. Promise me. I will supply you with all the art materials you want,” I said.
I wanted him to have a sense of accomplishment and have that happiness after finishing an artwork. I hope he finds the will to fight this because it is a lonely battle.
I wish my nephew could draw something like this so he could let it out. I wish he could find himself again.
I hope the university could consider his reapplication because Covid really caused so much mental anguish among students. I heard about the student who hanged himself in their dorm, not far from I live. Even though the pandemic is now behind us, trauma still lingers and unaddressed mental health issues that have sprung from that will overstay and continue to weigh down its victims. It’s difficult.
I have successfully emerged from my therapy but I am still dealing with trauma and I don’t think it goes away that easily. As my doctor said, therapy will help you deal with your trauma better, deal with your triggers without resorting to medication.
The Udders ice cream incident did trigger me but I dealt with it better than I could have expected. I have already schooled myself. But it did get me down for a bit and should acknowledge to myself that I am just human and weak. That I shouldn’t be hard on myself for being vulnerable like that.
My nephew should forgive himself for being just human and we all have our weaknesses. We need to be kind to ourselves.
