After I finished my last edit for the week, I went out my front door and looked at the sky and breathed fresh air. I watched the sunlight fading. It’s Friday.

In years past, Friday meant I would be going out with friends and go to some watering hole. We sometimes went to bars to hear live bands. These days, Fridays mean sitting outside my semi-porch to gaze at the sky with the breeze tickling my cheeks.

I have relaxed a bit today (but still I haven’t written a story) as I learned from our APAC head that a new journo/editor from Singapore will be on board on the 19th. I will be training her as well. That means I have extra eyes and ears in SG and my frustration with missing out on a lot of stories in that market will be lessened (crossing fingers!) So I need to fly back to Singapore on the second week of July to train my freelancer and the new journo/editor. Twin I was disappointed because she thought we will be diving that week. I told her, don’t worry, we will go to Anilao before I fly back to Singapore. Just let me get through this coming week and do my duties in Bangkok…

I finally bought online a water filter that I can attach to my kitchen faucet.

I figured having filtered water delivered to me every week is unsustainable given the height of my stairs and the distance of my door from the gate.

Speaking of disaster, my youngest sister is a walking disaster or rather it follows her. First, she got stranded yesterday at Changi Airport because their plane in Jakarta had troubles so they got delayed. Since she took Singapore Airlines, they would have to stop at Changi but they missed the connecting flight to Manila because of the delay in Jakarta. At least SQ booked them at Days Hotel to spend the night. Then when she arrived at NAIA Terminal 3 this afternoon, there was no power. Again. It was like an apocalyptic scene at the immigration.

Since I am a member of the DoTr Media Viber chat group, I was able to communicate with the Transport dept comms people about this and this is the update I got:

[ Friday, 9 June 2023 6:12 PM ] ⁨Dom Consulta (DOTr)⁩: PRESS RELEASE

POWER INTERRUPTION AT NAIA T3

June 9, 2023, Pasay City – A power interruption occurred at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport (NAIA) Terminal 3 today which lasted for 37 minutes.

The MIAA, led by OIC Bryan Co immediately met with Meralco subsidiary, MServ, to be enlightened about the circumstances that brought about the situation. MServ was tapped to lead the full electrical audit of Terminal 3 as part of MIAA’s improvement initiatives after the 01 May power interruption that affected the same terminal.

MServ was quick to identify that an oversight occurred when one of their personnel inadvertently left a testing cable attached to one of the electric equipment that caused the power interruption. Shortly after power went off, the MIAA generator sets kicked in causing minimal disruption in airport processes.

No flights were cancelled but a total of 7 flights were delayed due to the 37 minutes interruption.

The MIAA and the riding public were assured by the MServ technical team that what happened today is not equipment related but a procedural lapse on the part of the MServ personnel. MServ assured that the erring personnel will be dealt with accordingly. Meralco also immediately responded and assisted in the quick restoration of the power supply to NAIA Terminal 3.

In closing, MIAA OIC Bryan Co apologized to passengers for any inconvenience that the situation may have caused them.

In another disaster, Albay declares a state of calamity as Mayon Volcano threatens to erupt any day/hour now.

So yeah, driving a manual transmission in this country that is perpetually facing disaster—man-made or natural—makes perfect sense. It definitely pays to be analog when you constantly face situations that would cut you off from modern conveniences like car shops with computers to adjust/fix your automatic transmission and your toasted computer box.

That’s why we already have the power generator downstairs, a Honda gasoline-fed engine that can power up our water pressure pump that can draw out water from our drinking water reservoir. We estimated that tank can sustain us for three days but that can be stretched if we will use the rain water from the new tanks to be installed plus the old existing ones for flushing the toilet. The Honda power gen set can also energize one or two laptops, an electric fan, a few led lights and a modem.

I need to buy a solar portable power generator like this as the typhoon season is already here.

This will do until I have a permanent hybrid solar power gen installed on my roof. That will require a huge investment.

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This must be PMS. I’m being hormonal again as I feel melancholy creeping again. I only have cats to comfort me, while my exes have must have found their true love. What did I do in my previous life to be given this fate? I hate this feeling of being weak and vulnerable. I must really be a hateful person to be stranded like this…

Ok snap out of it.

Oh Lord, I want my period to be over. My body is out of whack.

The headache that has been attacking me since last night lasted throughout the whole morning today. I was rendered useless for half of the day as I needed to sleep off my mind-numbing headache. I don’t know if this was exacerbated by being woken up at 2:30 am because I could hear the water pressure pump working overtime. It should just pump in quick spurts all throughout the day but this time it was going on and on for 10-15 mins. There was probably a leak somewhere next door that’s why the water didn’t stop flowing; I had to turn the pump off.

By 6:30 am I was up again because I had to turn on the pressure pump again. And there you go, another series of headache attacks.

All my good intentions of writing two stories are gone. I ended up just editing and messaging sources. I need to work my brain overtime tonight so at least I could write one decent article before I fly on Sunday.

Since it’s just the three of us, my girls are cooking their own snacks now. Here’s Twin A making fries

Meanwhile, my staircase has been cleared of tarpaulin so I can see now how it looks like. The way how my girls and nephew use the landing has made me decide what to do with it. I think outdoor chairs or a bench and a cafe umbrella will make it an extra lounge area.

Since the girls are out tonight with the kuyas and their tita (my SIL), I didn’t exert effort in cooking so i just had instant pancit with green onions and kimchi.

I NEED SOME INSPIRATION TONIGHT SO I CAN WRITE!

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Nothing. I didn’t write. My nephews and SIL came here to bring the girls back and they had dinner here and we just chatted the night away. So there goes productivity…pffffffft!

I’ll just work early tomorrow. *Sigh*

I’m in this inexplicable rut. I can’t be in several places all at once, do everything when company gods think I can spit gold with only arsenic at my disposal.

What am I to do with a freelancer who could not commit time for training? This whole hire-only-freelancers thing is a joke. I am missing so many things in Singapore because I don’t have fulltime reporter there. I can’t be there because they’re not willing to pay me a comfortable living wage there. I hate being scooped by competition because of circumstances that I cannot control.

I’m so upset yesterday and today. Let me just sleep on this for a few hours, gather my thoughts, and write it down when I slightly feel better.

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Pets, bless them, do really feel you.

So I was down and out yesterday and my Kimchi must have felt the vibe. She stayed with me, sleeping on my pillow, next to my head, for the entire night. She later moved near my shoulders to cuddle. And didn’t leave in the morning until she is sure that I am fine and not dying. 😂

I again shoved that work problem under the bed because I won’t find any solution to it. Either I stress about it everyday or I just let things slide so management would see they’re being stupid. Just do what I can do…so be it.

My old neighbor in QC and I chatted for a bit on Viber because I asked for the water bill for May that I’m still obligated to pay for, which is just fair because we did use water for 16 days. Anyway, she was telling me that they’re cutting down the mango tree to accommodate more cars in that narrow parking space.

I said that it’s kinda sad that all the wildlife dependent on that tree will be homeless now. There won’t be birds chirping in the morning and some faint bird calls. I told her that tree gave that area some provincia feels because of the birds in the morning.

The ex-neighbor also told me that the the orange female cat that we jointly take care of with her son was meowing mournfully infront of our unit one evening. She was looking for us. Because you see, we help feed her in the afternoon or early morning with my cats’ leftovers. That broke my heart.

Meanwhile, my girls and I went to their future junior high school this afternoon to submit their application. After the assessment, I would have to enroll them in July. Classes will start by mid-August.

I’m still not feeling well and it’s likely stress. It’s psychosomatic and unfortunately I think I’m coming down with something. Good thing I’m done with one interview this afternoon. Oh dear, not now, I shouldn’t fall ill. I have already set several meetings for next week in Bangkok 🤦🏻‍♀️ Plus I’m driving myself to the airport because there’s no Grab here to take me there. I just have to use ParkN’Fly for seven days.

I didn’t know that a major catastrophe for WFH people happened today. No wonder my mom rushed to my house to hostage Twin I’s desktop because she had a video call and she didn’t explain why.

Then I received a call from my sister while I was having cake and coffee with one of my former sources who happened to be in town. She asked nay, ordered me to fix my mom’s laptop because she couldn’t access her gmail. Again.

So I uninstalled her Chrome, thinking it was corrupted by a virus. But I couldn’t download Chrome. Google was not loading. So I used Microsoft Edge to search (via default Bing) whether Google was down. So I found that it’s a Philippines-specifc a global problem because of a loss of bandwidth in one of the submarine cables, affecting local telcos and a host of other frequently used apps and websites.

After a few hours, Google and its services have become accessible.

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Last night I caught an intruder. It was dark so I used flash to catch her.

This intruder has taken over my workspace today. She refused to budge.

Despite her obnoxiousness, I still love her to bits. ❤️🥰

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For today’s words of wisdom:

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Just a quick post about how lovely it is to be in this moment. This is what home is all about. Cooking smells wafting through the air with Beatles for background music, and the sound of the tropical forest chiming in. I cooked with my front door open, because why not? My kids went to church with their cousins and auntie and they will be watching a movie in the city further southeast.

I can smell the rain coming. I will open my windows all the way up to feel the fresh breeze passing through.

Today I won’t be able to do my campus walk since bff is coming over. Let’s see tomorrow will be conducive for it.

I have so many thoughts running through my head right now. Let me process it later.

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You know you’re in good company when you don’t take photos of yourselves being together. Because there is no need to prove anything. That’s how it is with my good friends from way back elementary or high school.

So my best friend and I started talking from merienda until dinner. We were just in the moment and planning trips together, either to the upcoming Big Bad Wolf to gallivanting abroad (last time we did this was in Kyoto in 2009). I said we need something to occupy ourselves now that my house building is almost done while her fervor for hopping from one concert to another, here and abroad, is waning. Because of that, she got tempted to start using Bumble to meet guys and the last one who claimed to be from my industry was a very bad experience. Really bad. As in scammer, gas-lighting bad.

My bff has a problem with saying no and always gives so much.

She was advised by other friends to stop using dating apps and I said the same since she and I are magnets for the wrong people because we’re gullible. We both have self-esteem issues as we are both products of dysfunctional marriages (the weird thing is our dads were classmates in college). The thing that has kept me safe so far is that 1) I was religious with my therapy and I researched a lot about my disposition that instilled self-awareness in me (blogging helps); 2) I am devoting time to learn how to love myself and heal and learned not to berate myself for taking a long time; and 3) I now live with the mantra “If he wants, he will.” I can’t live a life anymore where it’s always me who is walking to bridge the last mile between us; always me who is bending backwards. Be it chatting through different time zones or reaching out to say, “Hey I learned you’re in town. What’s up?” to giving moral and emotional support. It’s exhausting to always be the giver.

I told her that I’m trying to accept that I may be like this for a very long time because I can’t go into another relationship still angry and I still carry with me the toxicity of the previous relationship. It doesn’t matter if it is already 2.5 years and it could be another 2.5 years before I can forgive and forget. If I’m not healed properly, I will just be in for another heartbreak because I will be ignoring the red flags just to escape singlehood.

But then, what’s wrong with being single? Just thinking about living with someone again is already exhausting.

Do I miss it, being in a relationship? I really don’t know, honestly. That’s why I’m not actively looking. I could have flirted a dozen times as I meet a lot of people with my job but there’s no desire to do so. I could have put out a signboard on me that says “single, ready to mingle” but I don’t. Maybe it’s a testament that I’m not yet healed and all I think about is that it’s exhausting–be it dating or being in a relationship.

But when I’m idle, with no big project to occupy me, that’s when loneliness will strike and all of a sudden everything is a green flag 🤦🏻‍♀️ This is why I told BFF that we need to be busy. If we need to travel, then so be it. If we are to chase all the concerts she wants to watch, then by all means I will tag along. I just can’t be idle again.

It’s not completely a leisurely day for me but this is the first weekend that I can afford to go slow and do less. Thanks to my cleaning lady who comes every Saturday, the tedious chore of laundering clothes and folding them is off my shoulders. The mopping and polishing of my floor is also off my list of things I must do.

So I booked a massage for 1 hr and 40 mins plus a pedicure session. Wohoo it has been a month since I did this for myself.

I shopped for meat and veggies after pampering myself, just to try this Fresh Options meat shop and to check out other veggie stores. Now that my fridge is filled, I invited my nephews and SIL to dinner. I needed to use the rice in my fridge so I made them kimchi fried rice. I was satisfied with what I made 🍚. I emptied my freezer of viands I had cooked yesterday and fed my extended brood.

I am still feeling my way, trying to settle into some kind of rhythm to make ourselves more at home. We’re still in a limbo—well I’m still in a limbo. This is my own home and yet I’m still not at home, if you know what I mean. I’m still finding my footing.

Once I am done with my errands here and fixing/putting away stuff from our move, I will try to start my exercises i.e. brisk walking. When the university pool opens, I will swim probably once a week then make it three times a week. Good thing I already had applied for my alumni card.

Tomorrow I will cook dinner for my best friend, a housewarming of sorts. She requested for either chicken rice or bak kut teh. Well, I can make both.