Aaaaand I got two stories today 👏 but most of my day was devoted to admin stuff that is driving me nuts. At least I had my PH reporter’s trip to Cebu for a three-day conference approved. I’m still struggling with the other trips for my other reporters that I must push for approval. 😕 When overall business climate is shit, it’s hard to have every single request for activities that will cost a lot of money approved.

Because the world is still battling with this sticky high inflation rates. Possibility of recession (maybe already in recession) depends where you are in the world. But it can’t be denied that all central banks now are like firefighters—they’re digging through their policy tool kits for whatever they can throw at inflation to tame it. So far they haven’t been that successful. They have stemmed the somersaulting rates but the full effects of these rate hikes are still being unraveled in the real economy. Many now are struggling with the increase in their home and auto mortgage. Many companies are laying off workers, especially SMEs and the startups. Even the large global funds are struggling to raise new capital or many are being forced by their investors to cash in on their portfolios—so many of them are forced to sell despite the harsh conditions and large valuation mismatch.

Let’s see how things will progress this week. I just want to go gallivanting; I’m so stressed. I learned from one of our sales teams during our call this afternoon that some of our clients have cancelled their subscription because of the lack of Thai content. So it’s a chicken and egg situation. 😩

Whatever am I going to do? It’s a constant struggle everyday.

I feel like it’s a failure on my part; but then management and I don’t see eye to eye. Sometimes I just want to be brainless; like those social climbing bitches who do not care about the world around them and just sip their cocktails while taking selfies with duck lips. It’s so stressful to care too much; to be passionate about my profession and the world around me. To be hyper-aware of what’s happening to the world.

Maybe that’s what attracts me to freediving—it’s just between me, my breathing, and the sea. Some troubles melt away and the world is shut out.

I need to paint now but I didn’t bring my kit. 🙁

This was at 5 am yesterday. Filipino immigration people at NAIA are so infamous for their power plays that they even force people to bring their school yearbook to prove their identity that they indeed graduated from so and so school, which is irrelevant to the purpose of flying out of the country. Many have posted on social media about their woes of missing their flights because of the caprices of immigration staff.

And they’re causing the choking at the gates.

I think the recommendation of being three hours ahead of your flight should be changed to four.

This is the reason why I also keep on flying with PAL, because they’re assigned to Terminal 2 and Terminal 1. This T3 is a living hell, starting from its development by PIATCO—which was riddled with corruption, hence, the shoddy construction, etc. It’s that terminal that keeps on losing power during critical days like New Year, Labor Day, and the latest one was just recent. One of the top corporate lawyers in this country told me that the PIATCO concession contract was the dirtiest he has seen in his entire life.

Another issue with T3 is the choking at the immigration gate. The people assigned there are power players. One of my reporters last month was taken into custody for futher questioning because he keeps flying in and out of Jakarta. He had to take out his contract to prove that he is working for our company. I told him they can call me to get an earful from me. I can report them to their bosses at DFA if they keep on harrassing him.

That’s another reason why I don’t dress like a hitchhiker when I fly out of the country. They do a profiling of everyone based on his/her appearance. If I look like trash, I would be mistaken as someone who couldn’t afford this trip or that trip, hence, I am doing something illegal, like human trafficking. I kid you not. I wear jewelry, bring out my expensive bags, I put on makeup even if I’m there at 3 am—as I learned through the years of traveling for work and leisure. I should look like I have money to travel. So far I haven’t been questioned that much so whatever I’m doing is working.

Now that I ditched PAL, I am now exposed to T3. OMG, such a living hell.

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But with a better airline this time. I didn’t sleep during this flight because I was able to finally watch The House of Gucci from their in-flight entertainment. When I fly out on Friday, I will watch Everything Everywhere All At Once.

My desire to check for sales and deep discounts is not that great because I just indulged in the 4th of July sale in the US. Yep, I shopped online and was awake until 5 am to check out items that were originally priced/valued ~USD 400 to more than half of it. I will have it delivered to an Oregon address (tax free!!!) by ShippingCart (which is owned and operated by LBC) and then delivered to my address in the Philippines. I did that years ago when I bought art kits from Amazon for my girls and my Sony Walkman (TM) mp3 player, which is still going strong up to this day.

So no need to buy from parallel importers here in Singapore (which what I originally planned on doing) and just go straight to the official online stores of fashion brands like Coach, Kate Spade and Tory Burch. Shoes might be tricky because of sizing issues so I better shop for that personally in Singapore. My last two shoe purchases were from Tangs at Orchard.

Given the extravagance I just had, I restrained myself from going over my shopping budget 🤣 I just keep on justifying my insanity by telling myself that it is for work and today I will be meeting the regional head of a Japanese trading house/conglomerate. At least I should be on the same level as these guys in suits—at least on the outside. 😂

I don’t know when I drifted off to sleep last night. I was so tired.

Because a working mama gotta do what she gotta do. I’m leaving again in a few hours and I did marathon cooking again today to make sure my girls are well fed.

First, I assembled this morning the stool I bought from Ikea last night and used my existing folding table to create a “sort of” balcony in my landing area. I realized I needed two more stools (one for outside my door for when one is taking off/putting on shoes).

I had to open my front door while cooking because of the heat. Good thing I already got myself this UV insect killer that zaps all living creatures that come into contact with the live wires.

It was a good decision to turn this into a “sort of” balcony because drinking tea or coffee here is lovely, especially during the golden hour until the sky turns orange then pink.

I’ll buy a porch umbrella for the mornings that I want to have breakfast here without being fried. ❤️

Oh dear. It’s NAIA again for me in a few hours 😩

Today was just…three back-to-back physical and online meetings. The second call was with my boss who said there is no business case for Thailand, while the third call is with a client that has been asking for Thai content 🤦🏻‍♀️

I am cancelling plans to go back to SG in August and Sept because…what’s the point? Why am I pushing myself too far??? Why am I doing all these?!

The lunch meeting was in BGC and so right after it, I needed to park myself in a coffeeshop with power outlets because I knew that the calls would halve my phone’s battery life. I ended my workday at 4 pm because I was already mentally and emotionally drained. I didn’t care if there would be edits; I didn’t have headspace for that anymore.

My sis-in-law again hitched a ride with me and went about her business around BGC while I worked. We decided to leave the area at 4 pm before all the working people leave at 5 or 6 or else we will get stuck. BGC is like a blackhole—it sucks you but you can never get out. The exits are choke points during rush hours. There are just too many cars.

We ended up at SM Mall of Asia because it’s accessible to Skyway/South Luzon Expressway. We went to Decathlon to buy basketball gear for my nephew while I bought a new set of fins for Twin A because she outgrew the last one we bought. Why did I even buy it when there’s no immediate need? Because I may decide to book a resort in Anilao right after my SG trip and we don’t have time to visit Decathlon for new fins.

I just want to work by the sea, to wash away my frustration. I need to clear my head.

I’m tired of fighting this kind of battles everyday.

Because a working mom has to feed her kids. Tomorrow I have a lunch meeting with a unit of a conglomerate we cover. Then back-to-back calls with my manager and a law firm in Bangkok.

Today was super tiring. It was a whole day of back and forth with my manager, a pushback from her, a pushback from me…I just need to advocate for what is best for my team. I’m just too tired and heartbroken to write it down tonight. I need to destress…

I had been a walking ball of stress the past few days due to admin issues. I swear scrounging for stories to meet monthly quota or answering emails from irate interviewees can never be compared to the stress I constantly face daily as a manager—especially when bosses and management do not understand Southeast Asia. They don’t understand that Southeast Asia is not Singapore and Singapore is not representative of Southeast Asia. You shouldn’t just say yeah, we already have people in Singapore so why need to cover conferences in other parts of Southeast Asia???

Of all of the stupidest—

I’m tired. I really am.

And one of my reporters told me to apply for the leadership program that the company is offering and told me it fits me. I attended the Q&A call for this… Ummm no. That’s for ambitious people who want to climb the corporate ladder. For people passionate about what the company is doing. I am not passionate about the company (in fact I don’t like my parent company) but I’m passionate about my profession. These are two different things.

I may be able to articulate this whole thing tomorrow, when I’m less incensed.

This afternoon, a faculty member of my undergrad college visited me here at my house to drop off their gifts to me in appreciation of that 1.5 hr lecture I gave to their undergrads about interviews and ethics a few months ago. We talked for several hours—starting off with how the new kids these days are just 🤦🏻‍♀️ inexplicable. The level of entitlement is astonishing!

We also talked about the dumbing down of the whole undergrad curriculum is stupid. They made it a generalist curriculum, which is counterintuitive in this era of AI and social media where everyone can make AVs/movies without going into art school or comms school. Everyone is a content creator nowadays—it’s no longer the sole territory of those who went school for it. Just like anybody with a DSLR or mirrorless camera can claim to be called a photographer or videographer or a citizen photojournalist.

The edge I got from the previous curriculum was unquantifiable. The reason why I am good with what I’m doing is because I am a specialist and had always been so from day 1 in college. You cannot afford to be a generalist in this environment where algorithms can take over your job…and AI has been progressing faster than anyone can imagine. You have to be an expert in something. If it doesn’t work out, your general ed will save your ass and then pivot. Yes it’s good that I have a little background in broadcasting and educ/audiovisual comms—enough for me to understand how broadcast works, how other comm media work. It’s good that I know how to draft comms strategy/campaigns and marketing plans because it makes me more flexible. But I am a journalism specialist and I have been hired for the skills I have honed early on and that’s my unique value proposition. I can’t be a half-baked moron and expect to be irreplaceable. Well, no one is irreplaceable but, you get my drift.

It was hard to judge whether it would rain or not so I decided not to do my brisk walking today. Besides, I finished work late so better if I skip it.

If I wake up early tomorrow, I may be able to climb the upper campus on foot. I took antihistamine last night that’s why I was knocked out and woke up at past 7 am—already too hot for a morning walk. I must be am committed to lose weight strengthen my body before I start diving again.

Anyway, I took these pictures on my way to the nearest supermarket on campus, which was Save More, since I ran out of cheddar cheese for the spaghetti with meatballs I was cooking for dinner. I hosted dinner for my bro and three nephews because my SIL is sick at home. I also made too many meatballs last Sunday and I need to use them now because I will be stocking my freezer with food that I will be cooking before I leave for SG on Sunday.

I have hosted several dinners and lunches in my home in the past two months—more than I hosted meals in my apartment in QC. I don’t know, maybe because parking here is not a problem since we have a huge parking lot outside the compound or guests can even park anywhere inside the uni campus. In my apartment in QC, there was always the threat of my guests’ cars being towed away by the MMDA.

In addition, I don’t have neighbors to contend with. I mean, it’s just my mom next door and she doesn’t care, while the other neighbors are too far to hear laughter and loud conversations. There’s also the cleanliness factor. That apartment is was never clean. It’s easier to corral the mess here because it’s my girls who are creating them anyway, so the public space here is always in order. It’s also easier to clean this tiny house—it only takes a few minutes. I sweep the floor here daily since it’s manageable. Hosting guests here is not that embarrassing anymore even though it’s such a squeeze.

Speaking of space, I had also replaced the rechargeable stand fans because of the crappy battery and the amount of floor area they occupy. One fan even emitted smoke while I was in Bangkok; good thing my girls were in the room when that happened or else my newly constructed home may have burned down! 😱 These fans were not used that much in QC since my daily workhorses were the normal stand fans, which I already gave to my bro for his new townhouse as these were too big for my space.

We bought the rechargeable fans in Cash & Carry Makati when we were threatened with a super typhoon and I was panicking and worried about how in the world will I keep J from complaining about the heat because there will be no aircon when the power goes out. But the super typhoon got diverted and passed through Southern Tagalog instead of hitting Metro Manila directly so the power didn’t go out as expected.

Imagine that—he was always on top of my worries and his welfare was my priority. And what did I get???

Ah never mind.

The new Asahi fans (each for my girls) were delivered today by Lazada. They’re very cute and just about the right size for my kids since they don’t need huge-ass fans that they will just hog for themselves. I got the one with baby-safe grills so that my cats won’t get caught by the blades in case they choose to sleep on the desks, which they always do. Despite their diminutive size, the fans are strong.

I’m on a quest to keep things off the floor and I finally got rid of the stand fans. Next task will be hanging ukeleles and a guitar on the walls.

I think that’s also the quest of my cats, that is to keep themselves off the floor. Sushi is always on high places. Well, I did provide them that space above my kitchen cabinets so they can survey their kingdom.

Kimchi’s fat ass is keeping her from climbing my fridge—she is less agile than Sushi. But at least she can climb the girls’ loft beds, which are her favorite hangout places.