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People look different when viewed from afar. When you’ve taken a step back and took a good look at your self and are able think clearly.

My bff (BFF T) and I went to our common friend’s 40th day commemoration since her death, which was hosted by her family. All along the way and while there, BFF T and I had been talking about how do we keep ourselves from falling into the trap of dating wrong people again and again, because this is what my friend in SG is having problems with.

Our stand is, BFF T and I don’t make finding a partner front and center of our existence. Unlike this friend of ours in SG, she is really making it her priority, a central thing in her life. She keeps on using various dating apps to stave off the loneliness in Singapore so she always ends up with the wrong guys.

She asked me, how does BFF T do it, it seems like she’s super ok being single? I replied, she is not super ok. She just accepted it. Like I have accepted my state of affairs.

*Well, in my case, I was never actively seeking a partner ever since I became solo 3 years ago. I actually have a distaste for it.*

I told our friend in SG that when BFF T gets burned, she deletes her dating apps, turns her attention to other things like chasing Kpop concerts in Asia, traveling, and shopping. When the serotonin boost from those activities wanes, that’s the only time she activates her dating apps again. Then she goes through dating shit again. Then go chase Kpop concerts again, etc. Wash, repeat. It’s just training herself how to get better at this without getting broken.

There’s some kind of level of acceptance already, I told BFF T over coffee this afternoon. It’s not something I have to seek. It just happens. Or does not happen. I’m just too broken at this point and I must take my time to heal and repair the brokenness or else I will end up with another asshole.

For BFF T, she said she understands why our friend in SG is actively seeking: she is trying to fill the void left by a broken marriage. That she cannot live without a partner. BFF T said she herself wouldn’t understand that because she hasn’t been married so she doesn’t have that kind of void to fill.

I said, well, I have been married and I had lived with a partner after that, but I didn’t feel like I needed to fill a void after all that. Maybe because 1) I was busy healing; 2) I am busy raising children. It helps that you have something else to focus on.

BFF T said that maybe, we have arrived at an equilibrium…we are not really ok but we’re fine accepting things like maybe relationships with men aren’t something central to our whole being. Or maybe we have accepted that we’re already old and random dating is not really going to work for us anymore, like in college.

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I was feeling really horrible yesterday and I thought it was just because I had my period. Dysmenorrhoea when traveling is hell on earth. To relieve my aching body, I had another round of reflexology massage. I had enough time to kill anyway.

Welp, it made me feel much worse.

By the time I claimed my bags from the hotel concierge, I knew I couldn’t take the train. I booked Grab and slept on the way to the airport. Did the same while at the airport waiting for boarding time.

I was afraid that they would randomly check temperature and I would be pulled out and make me stay back, in case it was Covid. Thankfully they didn’t. I had an uncomfortable flight; I was in between feverish sleep and frequent urinating. Good thing I booked that seat near the toilet and was along the aisle.

The drive back home was equally horrendous and dangerous. I was falling asleep at the wheel that I had to stop at Petron along SLEX for a nap. Only when I was on my bed did I get a restful sleep.

I think I had UTI. My lower back where my kidneys are hurt so much. I relieved my symptoms with parcetamol and by drinking lots of water.

During my entire stay in SG I was having trouble going to the bathroom because I was waiting for my meeting, in a meeting, or on the way to a meeting.

I won’t schedule back to back meetings again.

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Thankfully I feel better today so I was able to drive Twin A to her appointment with our pedia-hemato-onco. So far, so good. Her bilirubin is ok, her TB meds are not damaging her liver. Her uric acid has lowered to 7 from 9 but still high. We need to flush it down with lots of water and allopurinol.

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And as I promised the girls, the next time we’re in BGC, we will see Van Gogh Alive (we missed da Vinci last month).

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About 90% of those who paid P1,250 went there to have selfies or photos taken against Van Gogh images.

I’m one of those 10% who sat through the whole immersive audio-visual experience. I even repeated it to feel his art and its evolution, from the dark tradition of Netherlands to the bright and bold colors in France, especially his days in Arles. You could feel his desperation to tame the demons in his head during his days in Saint-Remy and his last days in Auvers. He loves yellow because it is a happy color—happiness is a feeling that he has been chasing all throughout his adult life.

I took Thursday slow and easy. I left my hotel at around 10 am, had brunch at the nearest kopi tiam, then went around Raffles City to find something to bring home to my daughters. Bought a gift for my bff. Had lunch with our office ladies at the dining room. I just listened to them speaking in Mandarin.

I rushed through my edits to jump into the train to a meeting somewhere in the Tanjong Pagar area. I could have walked but it was raining.

I booked Grab going to Ritz-Carlton because I don’t want to walk under the rain anymore.

Dinner buffet it is with the whole Singapore unit of our company (we’re comprised of several subsidiaries) and I was the only one there to represent the editorial department. 👀

This is the main reason why I needed to fly here. The company Christmas dinner.

In the past, they rented a yacht that went around some cove here. They had drinks and dinner. Well, having everyone at Ritz-Carlton is cheaper and less messy (because it’s raining everyday).

Everyone had a headgear of some sort at dinner.

Why did we have an early Christmas dinner party? Well, most people in the Singapore office are non-Singaporeans, therefore, they disappear by mid-December to spend the holidays in their home countries or visiting relatives outside of Singapore.

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Philippine Airlines, you suck. Get out of this business.

First, I had a very fruitful meeting this morning 👏👏👏 I scratch your back, you scratch my back; we know what we’re here for. 🤝 Nice doing business with you.

But before that, I had a lovely walk going to the club.

I was tempted to go in myself but I had business to take care of first.

So right after my meeting, I went back to the National Gallery to check out the souvenir shop to see if they have Frida Kahlo prints.

I got myself some prints on fabric! One is by a local artist, a scene from Singapore Chinatown. Then another is a Van Gogh, one of his sunflower paintings, which I have always admired. I like his flower paitings. I was looking for Van Gogh’s almond blossoms but they only came as mouse pads 👀

I will have them framed and hang them alongside the Filipino national artists. ❤️

They did have a Frida Kahlo print on a scarf but it was SGD 85 and I’m a cheap woman so I passed on it. These prints I got were just SGD 34-39 each so roughly PHP 3,000 in total. It’s worth it, especially when these are already framed and displayed on my wall.

I am running out of vacant walls. 😶

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First of all, I missed this. I can have this for breakfast everyday for a week.

I got ready early this morning because the interview was near the East Coast. The queue at the elevators was long or the cars were full and it was trying ny patience. I don’t want to book a big hotel again. I chose this because it was very near our office/CBD area. I don’t think I’ll come back here for a while.

And because it was “rush” hour (their rush is different from Manila or HK), Grab fares were higgghhhhhh. I know the office will pay for this but I don’t want to be questioned by my boss why I’m taking Grab when we have excellent trains here. I don’t want to say that I don’t want to get lost (as far as my company is concerned, they consider me a local here).

So I took the bus. I had plenty of time anyway.

So far so good. I was able to locate their office.

So I got a story and needed to go back to our office. That’s when the trouble began.

I thought I could just cross the road because Google Map was not clear which station I should use so I could get off the MRT station where my line passes through. Of course I took the wrong bus. It took me several bus hops before ending up in Bugis to have lunch.

After work, I waited for a good friend from way back grade school and high school at CIMB Plaza to go to this private sale of Louboutin bags and shoes. You know, the brand that costs hundreds and hundreds to a thousand SGD or USD. The kind of private sale where they don’t allow mobile phones in the area because you can’t take photos. The kind of sale that is by invitation only.

I helped my friend pick the right shoes. The kind of shoes that can be weapons because they’re very sharp stilettos. The type that aren’t walkable.

The kind of shoes that will make a podiatrist rich or quit his/her job because these are enough to destroy your spine and metatarsals.

Even in my youth I never attempted to wear these kinds of shoes because my wide feet are ugly and I don’t walk pretty. I was a football player, for goodness’ sake!

Then we had dinner at Boat Quay and walked around to talk about her divorce she filed here in SG that doesn’t have any merit in Philippines. She did it for ceremonial purposes just to get rid of her guilty feeling that she’s already dating even though she couldn’t get an annulment because getting your marriage annulled in the Philippines is hard. And to think she’s already a lawyer…

I was supposed to bring the documents from her ex that he was supposed to sign but he was dilly-dallying because the woman he cheated my friend with was in turn cheating him also with his officemate. Yes. You read it right.

I told my friend, awwww he doesn’t want to lose his comfort zone (you) because he couldn’t live alone. He is using you as a safety net. DON’T.

Men keep their ex and the new flame as safety nets. They dangle the women because they can’t freaking live alone. Use them until they outlive their use. Weaklings.

Got to the hotel at past 10. And because I had three rounds of coffee the entire day, I’m still awake at past 2 am. Good luck to me, I have a meeting later this morning. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I dread that call with my manager. I had another skirmish with our APAC head about staffing issues and coverage. I just pointed out that doing a sector-based division of labor does not work in our region because each country has its own system and idiosyncrasies so we have to split countries among the “surviving” reporters. The fact that sales keep on harping about Thailand means it’s a need.

Sigh. It’s a long story.

Anyway, I was panicking this morning because it was taking a while before I could settle my car/registration at ParkNFly. There were too many people parking and traveling and there was a long queue at 3 am. It took almost an hour before I reached Terminal 1 via their service. Good thing the line at the immigration is surprisingly short and not chaotic like in T3. That terminal is hell on earth.

After an early check in, the first thing I did was to have a one-hour dry massage. It has been more than a month since my last massage. I miss Zennya. 😭 There are no good masseuse in our area because they’re all quitting their spa to go abroad.

I worked a bit in my room, didn’t want to go to our office.

Then I went around, scrounging for good deals (Singapore adopted the American Cyber Monday sale even though they don’t even celebrate Thanksgiving). If I can buy items that are too good to pass up or aren’t available in Manila, then I buy them so I would be done with my Christmas gift shopping. Only a few were worthwhile, like Japanese cosmetics at BHG at 50% off for my younger sister and sister-in-law.

Speaking of sale…I was a victim of Black Friday sale. 😶 I bought *something* from the US that would be shipped again to Shipping Cart’s Oregon warehouse, then shipped to the Philippines. 🫠 This loving thyself mantra is going overboard 🤣🤣🤣.

I have an interview tomorrow, I mean I will be interviewing a CEO so I better sleep early.