We’re here again at St Luke’s BGC and unfortunately Twin A has to be on a wheel chair. I pulled her out of school yesterday after complaining of stomach and head ache. Then her temp rose to 38.8 C starting 5 pm so had to administer paracetamol every 4 hrs until 6 am. Fever broke between 2-4 am. 

She vomited at the hospital and complained of headache but still no fever.

Doctor said it looks like it’s viral and it’s starting to affect her upper respiratory system given the clogging of her nostrils. All her bloodwork are good, including the ones she had ordered to be done. It means her anti-TB meds are not destroying her liver.

What Twin A experienced last week was indeed food poisoning because there was nothing in her stool exam i.e. parasites. I guess the bacteria was normal and what I read as pus was not pus or I misread the values.

Basically everything was ok. The doctor just said maybe I could ask the FMAB radiology if they could measure the mesentery lymph nodes because the last MRI had measurements. She wanted to know if they shrunk from the last time.

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When I say when it rains, it pours, it’s because I am also suffering from gastro problems because I am stressed. Really stressed. Super stressed.

This is actually terrifying.

I’m going to be 45 this year and in 5 years I will be deemed unemployable. There are indications that my time in this company is nearing its end since I’ve begun to verbally profess my hate for the company and am already picturing in my head the scenarios where I am telling my bosses off. Actually, last Monday when we were dealing with the mess left by one of my reporters, our APAC head again repeated the same thing that she has been yammering about for the last I don’t know how many months. In my head I was like, “if the company really intends to do what it wants then get on with it! But I can’t assure you we would be sticking around because I won’t.”

Instead, I just said:

“And if and when management decides to terminate the current arrangement, please let us know way in advance so we can make arrangements at our personal level.”

Then she pulled back, “Oh we don’t want people to over-react.”

Hell, if she thinks it’s an overreaction, then in their eyes we are just little peons with no voices and just accept things like we’re worker ants. This is not what I’ve signed up for 10 years ago when I joined this company, so I have all the license to be haughty and walk away.

Hopefully, there are no more health issues to deal with that would drain my savings because I am building up my savings for the event I need to walk away without any safety net yet. I had been buying mutual fund units in quick succession the past few days. My cash buffer may tide me for a few months but it would be a very tight squeeze. I can draw down my investments and my car purchase and solar panel installation would have to wait.

Why not exit now? Well, first of all, I need to squirrel more cash in preparation for my quitting. Second, I am draining this for what it’s worth because once I walk away from this, I know I will not be able to come back to journalism. This is it, the buck stops here. And I will have withdrawal symptoms (like what all my ex-colleagues went through) and it will be painful. So might as well maximize it, go with a bang because I want them to feel that I am the TOTGA—The One That Got Away—and regret all their decisions that led to my eventual resignation. I know it sounds like I think highly of myself but my goodness, I’ve slaved for this company for far too long and this is my only consuelo de bobo to myself. This incident with the erring reporter was just a sideshow—the company really doesn’t care about us planted on this side of the world. We have always gotten the shorter end of the stick.

While my cats have been doing their zoomies at 3 am today and woke me up (yeah, that’s why I’m always tired), I was going over in my head my next course of action. I think I should set up another meeting with that PR guy who picked my brains in January. I am also meeting our former APAC head in HK and see what she thinks about setting up our own PR firm under the tutelage of this PR guy, before he retires. I know I’m going to sell my soul to the devil but as of now, I have no recourse yet because I haven’t done my data analytics training that could help me pivot.

Today I am already beyond angry. I am entering the FU-I-don’t-care stage. And that’s dangerous.

It’s quiet quitting.

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So just as I suspected, it’s the school canteen. The number of cases of vomiting and diarrhea among the students of my daughters’ school across different grade levels cannot be ignored. There were anecdotal evidence that the food from the canteen was the culprit. Now the school will be sending a survey form about this—I just don’t know what kind of survey this is.

So the lymph nodes that may have sprouted/gotten enlarged during Twin A’s MRI may have been caused by a festering issue about school food. Let’s see what the doctor would say. Literature says food poisoning can cause swollen mesentery lymph nodes…so that may account for the increase plus her exisiting TB infection. The timeline could be suspect as well because my daughter may have been subjected to bad school canteen food for weeks already. We had the scan on Feb 14 and a little over a week she was vomiting. She was already complaining about tummy aches a week before but she attributed it to her menstrual cramps. The problem with this kid is that she couldn’t distinguish the difference between menstrual cramps and stomach cramps. 🤦🏻‍♀️ She couldn’t also tell whether her stomach feels acidic (maasim).

Anyway, this made me feel a lot better. The fearful me is always scared that the lymphoma threat is back. Because you know, genetics is shit.

I’m already sleepy. Will write later about the shit I had to go through the whole of Monday because of that compliance issue with one of my journos. I need to get it out of my system.

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In my annoyance at the school, which has ruled food deliveries are banned, I wrote the school administration a letter this morning:

Dear Ma’am/Sir:

I would like to request for the easement of the rule on food deliveries for students considering the stomach ailments from (school name redacted) students the past week.

My Grade 7 twin daughters had amoebiasis in October last year and my mother, a biological scientist, had our water sources tested by one of her colleagues at the ____________. All samples yielded negative results for protozoa. I speculated that it probably came from the school canteen (either from food or from the water offered there) as no one in my household nor our neighbors (in my mother’s household) were infected.

Last week, I had to rush my immunocompromised daughter, ____________, to the ________ emergency room for her constant vomiting and diarrhea. Her sister, __________, was also suffering from diarrhea but was in a better position. __________’s stool sample showed a high count of bacteria and some pus. I want to point out that several of their friends were also suffering from the same symptoms that same day or the previous day. I also learned that some students from other grade levels (as told to me by a friend who has a 6^th Grade daughter in __________) suffered the same fate. One thing that was common among them was that they ate something from the school canteen.

Now, not all parents are able to send hot lunch boxes to school as some of us are solo parents with full-time jobs, thus, do not have the bandwidth to cook daily. I also must travel frequently for my job and the only way now that I can have my children fed during lunch is to have food delivered by __________’s, a caterer that my brother, (his job title and where he works redacted), has been using for their office catering needs. So far, they have not had any food poisoning issues whatsoever. __________’s also delivers to other schools like ________________ and I have not heard of stomach ailments from students dependent on their food deliveries.

I hope that you consider my request as this would ease my harried working solo mother’s mind. I cannot have my daughters suffer from food poisoning again just because the only available option to them is the questionable food from your canteen.

Thank you very much.

I was so angry when I learned from Twin I that they cannot receive food deliveries “for food safety reasons.” Being this inflexible and slow to act on the issue of bad school canteen food can kill their students!

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After I expended my frustrated energy yesterday, I was able to start something decent. This painting on my sketchpad is not yet done but it’s better than the one I made yesterday to release my negative energy. Now I could no longer salvage it. This is supposed to be an anime version of a purple sunset in Angono but… 🤷🏻‍♀️

That’s why don’t do anything when angry. It would show and you may regret that later.

I started my Saturday making my room tidier. I finally installed the Skadis pegboard to display my mechanical keyboards and corral my notebooks in an accessible place other than my table. My cats eat my notebooks.

This printer stand is only PHP 600 and it’s easy to assemble. Underneath the printer is a scanner I got from my neighbors a.k.a. my mom et al. It used to be on the floor, gathering dust and became a repository of things I still couldn’t throw out like bills and brochures/flyers from companies that I plan to interview. It has already been more than six months and I haven’t contacted them yet 🤦🏻‍♀️.

Anyway, I finally done it. My stuff is off the floor.

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But I ended up with very bland breakfast bowl. I forgot that I already ran out of gojuchang to make gojuchang sauce for bibimbap. I had to make do with mayonaise and ketchup. 🤦🏻‍♀️ My girls would have to do without since they don’t like mayo nor ketchup.

Twin A was already OK on Friday but opted to skip dance practice just to be safe. Her fecalysis showed she had lots of bacteria and slight pus. So it must have something she and Twin I (and the rest of their friends) ate. Rx was probiotics and domperidone (for stomach contractions) but the latter was no longer needed  since Twin A’s last vomit (which was already green, probably bile). She probably was already able to eliminate whatever her body wants expelled and tummy ache already stopped in the ER. Twin I also had tummy trouble but not as severe as that of her sister, who is immunocompromised. So again, it was something they ate that they shouldn’t have.

Twin A’s onco always prescribed IgCo and probiotics to treat simple ailments like that because my child is already full of antibiotics. Her RHZE is already comprised of four antibiotics. Our onco’s fear is that we’re taxing her liver that’s why before we see her, we have all the complete blood work done like bilirubin and creatinine tests etc.

Our hemato-oncologist said that’s her course of treatment for simple ailments for her cancer patients who had to endure so much, as they are already pumped with strong medicines in their tiny bodies.

Anyway my kids are fine and they already went to a swimming birthday party yesterday.

This is not yet done. I just want to get violent with my colors because today is just beyond crap. It’s like all the attacks on me spiritually culminated yesterday.

You see, one of my reporters lied. If the party concerned would sue us, we will lose. I spent the entire day tracing what went wrong. It turns out the issue was overlooked by the editor on duty and the reporter’s blatant lie. 

I AM SO STRESSED.

I just want to scream and just drop on the floor.

One co-worker friend told me I wasn’t remiss with reminders, guidance, and training. I did all I can do as a manager. The onus is on this particular reporter. It wasn’t because the reporter was only negligent; there was also the intention to lie and think could get away with it.

This is just…🤦🏻‍♀️

All my energy is gone. I’m so drained and all my good intentions for the day flew out the window.

I don’t think I’ll be able to fix this painting now or in the future given my current mental and emotional state.

If only I could bury myself in sand.

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I’m better this morning. There is always a new day. It’s not always going to be bad. I just have to let go of things I cannot control and live life that is not always pegged onto my job.

Remember, there is always a new day.

So here we are again, at the ER. I don’t know if this has something to do with the increased number of lymph nodes or this is an entirely different thing.

Twin A has been vomiting and having diarrhea the entire day. This morning she said she was fine after she vomited and pooped and took Loperamide for her diarrhea. She didn’t tell me she was vomiting the whole day in school, afraid that I will pull her out.

She said three of her classmates also had the same symptoms. They were vomiting either last night or today. We’re tracing if it’s something they all ate in school or there’s a stomach bug going around.

Oh God, I hope this is just another bacterial or viral infection. Not the one I fear most. 😭

We’re now in an isolation room in the ER because my patient is immunocompromised. It’s better now we face these things than later when I’m already in HK. 😢

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So Ok since all we do here in the ER is wait (for blood tests, urinalysis and fecalysis), might as well update this entry.

I finally was able to finish the article this afternoon without going out of my house. But I felt the walls closing in on me so I decided to try that co-working space just outside the university campus.

I ordered from their menu, which allowed me an hour of hot desking. If I don’t order, I just pay PhP 60. So that is a little under PHP 500 for 8 hrs, which was the rate of independent or small co-working spaces in Metro Manila. I said was because you can no longer find such low rate in the metro—inflation is such a killer.

I was just getting into the groove when my daughters messaged me that Twin A is still vomiting. I xould no longer extend my stay.

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Just when she needed to poop, she can’t. We need the fecalysis so we can have some kind of diagnosis. Her CBC doesn’t tell much since her TB infection does skew things a little bit.

Aggghhh! I don’t want to be in the hospital again. 😩

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Nope. No poop.

Urinalysis is clean.

Will be sent home with domperidone for stomach contractions. Fecalysis to follow as OPD.

I’m tired.