This is the reason why I am ok being single. Nope. If all the men I will be meeting are like this NFL buffoon here or user narcissists like my exes—I swear I am never going to want to try another relationship. I’m good where I am now.

God have mercy on the women they are with right now.

I fear for my daughters though. They haven’t had any good model of what a healthy love is. How a good relationship between a man and a woman looks like, a relationship that has a healthy dose of respect for each other. All they have seen is me being taken advantage of and treated like dirt. I don’t want them to fall into the same trap.

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Meanwhile, I tried to push my luck today. But nope, still a couple of mistakes. This is still unfinished. I should make the leaves on the edge of that tree silhouette darker. I should try experimenting different values to indicate ripples on the water.

Ah well, that’s why this is on a watercolor sketchbook because this is my practice book.

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I’m so tired. Only one day more before I go off my medical leave. I need to finish one more article for editing tomorrow then I’m off!!!

But first dinner. Potato dill soup. Because we need something comforting on an exhausting day like this. My kids are also exhausted because the school year is about to end soon. They’re rushing projects and next week is their final exams.

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I’m excited to see this, to see how they have translated the musical from stage to movie. I want to hear Elphaba’s piece d’ resistance while she is suspended on air.

It’s time to try defying gravity
I think I’ll try defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I’m defying gravity
And you won’t bring me down

I just wanted to paint, sketch, sew—indulge in my many creative endeavors without having to worry about finances. I would still work to earn a little bit extra but I want to just have the financial freedom, by living off my investments and savings, so that I would not be pressured to hold down a job that I’m no longer enjoying.

That’s the main tenet of the Financial Independence, Retire Early (FIRE) movement. I had been reading about this for years, starting with Financial Samurai, Mr. Money Moustache, JD Roth (Get Rich Slowly)–and of course, The Millionaires Next Door.

Some of them are featured here in this New York Times article last week. I didn’t realize that there are now several iterations of FIRE that it got me confused.

This got me thinking again. I’ve written here some time ago that I shouldn’t be emotionally tied to my job so I wouldn’t be so pissed at management or at my boss…Of course I’m not successful at that.

But now I should heed that thought more so I don’t have to rush and take the next available job just to alleviate the stress. Just use this job to sock away money and to double my investments, especially my balanced global mutual fund. It has been giving me dividends every month, surprisingly.

If a better opportunity comes along, then I will take it. The pay should be a vast improvement over what I have right now so I can carve out 75% of my income and put them into investments. Then I can reach FIRE status before I become 65 years old.

For now I will use my income from my side gig (that I will start last week of May) to buy bonds or mutual funds invested in fixed income assets or a combination of equities and fixed income. I will try to get another gig to gain experience and income that I could shove into my existing porfolio so I can accelerate my savings/investment rate.

It helps that I don’t have consumer debt or mortgage. I eliminated rent by building my own tiny home with the help of investments. My house is already paid for with cash. No 20 to 30-yr mortgage.

The article reminded not to fall again into the trappings of consumerism and remain frugal so I can have more financial freedom.

Mother’s Day Special yesterday was buy 2, take 1 free on a small Chowking halo-halo. Of course we had to have them after attending church. I haven’t had any halo-halo this hot and dry season.

We went school supplies shopping after that and I saw this:

This is how you confuse your audience in one cover: Mix French, Portuguese, and Catalan. Yes, Catalan, not even Spanish 🤦🏻‍♀️

But I still bought it because I’m really bad at keeping to-do things when not written on paper. I’m so analogue that way.

I tried resurrecting my Filofax diary but I couldn’t keep up with the system anymore so I opted now for the pre-made diary instead of the DIY route that I have tried sticking to for a couple of years. I find that I always accomplish more when I write it down and see my to-do list every morning before I begin my day. With so many things I juggle, I need to get back on it. My brain can cope this way.

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I’ve read on LinkedIn a comic strip about passion vs practicality. It told the story of an artist who pursued passion and went to college to pursue arts by finishing her BA in Interactive Media. Opportunities, however, are limited in Singapore in that niche field so she had to shift gears and took a job at the Immigration Checkpoint Authority (ICA) to be able to have a job. The author said it gave her stability and purpose and didn’t think that her college degree went to waste because she might pick art up again in the future. For now her career at ICA is what that is needed in her life right now.

This got me thinking again because I was having an internal debate regarding staying in a crappy company/with a crappy boss that is/are stressing me out so much just because I get to practice my profession, which has been my passion. About 70%-80% of my local contemporaries have already moved on to other industries while I stayed because I was lucky to have found a job that paid decently.

However, it seems like this has already run its course and I need to move on. There are limited opportunities for me at my age and position in this industry. I must accept the fact that passion is no longer practical at this stage in life. I have to start over in another adjacent industry. I should count myself very blessed that I was able to practice my profession, which has been a vocation, for almost 20 years when many of my classmates weren’t even given a chance. One asst. professor in my undergrad college told my mom that he envied me because I was able to go into journalism—the real deal—and make a career out of it for decades.

You have to make do with the cards you were dealt with. Now it seems like no matter how I try shuffling and rearranging my cards, I’ve run out of options and would have to declare defeat.

A little voice inside me says, “but they need you.” I got a Viber message yesterday about another media training that I could help them with today. I had to say no because I have back-to-back meetings today. “You know how Mondays are,” I said.

Yes, the industry needs me but is it enough? Is it still ticking all the boxes? A friend who has moved on to a startup media company said, I want to hire you. I told him, no, you know how I feel about your CEO/founder.

“But you don’t have to deal with him,” he said.

“Haha you and I know that is a lie. I know how online news media are run,” I said.

God, it’s already mid-year and my company has yet to give us our bonuses/salary increase. 😩

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I must be doing something right. 🥰 My girls saved up money from their allowance to give me an early Mother’s Day gift. It now sits on the corner of my kitchen counter so my cats won’t be able to knock it down and to cheer me up when I cook or wash the dishes.

I decided to stay local for today since my girls are over at their classmate’s house to finish a project. When I was driving back from their classmate’s house, I got a chance to take a photo of the mountain in my backyard…

It was a very hot day so there are no clouds enveloping the moutain peaks.

As Atsuko Okatsuka (the standup comedian) said, spend time in every square meter of your house. You paid for it. So now that I have a more comfortable chair where I can lean back, I am finding that I’m spending more time here. Plus the beach umbrella has kept the place cooler. I waited here for my girls to message that it was time to pick them up.

After fetching them, we drove to the flower shops to buy my mom a bouquet of carnations for Mother’s Day. She loves flowers like I do and I pledged that I will keep bringing her flowers as long as I live.

On our way to a carinderia, we spotted the new bike rental station on campus, similar to Movr in BGC. It was already almost 6 pm so it was not worth it to try it at that time since it was already getting dark.

For dinner, I only spent a little over PHP 300 for the three of us. Carienderias are like eateries that you can find in hawkers centers or kopi tiam in Singapore where you can buy something affordable to eat. I wasn’t into cooking today because I have a blocked pipe that where my kitchen sink drains into and I’m still waiting for my contractor to fix it.

Anyway, I was craving for something spicy so I got sisig on a sizzling plate with generous green chili and a dash of red bird’s eye chilis, fried egg, and lots of onions. Soy sauce and kalamansi to top it.

I really don’t have to be always driving to faraway places to have a relaxing weekend. In Metro Manila, we always try to escape the city to be able to say we had a relaxing weekend. Nowadays, being at home is already relaxing because I don’t have to escape from the city.

So finally we were able to publish this morning. 🥲 After all the trouble we had last night, I just wanted to kick back and relax.

I should declutter my stairway. I think I need to buy those balcony planters so I can transplant my herbs to better location/planting medium.

But before that, I must get my money’s worth first by using the beach umbrella and chair.

I worked under the umbrella and savored my more comfortable beach chair compared to the stools.

I edited four stories today and attended to my unanswered emails. I didn’t attempt to write additional stories because I promised myself that I will give myself a break. The roller coaster ride this week left me exhausted.

I drove from my house to Makati CBD for 1 hr and 15 mins, minus refueling, this morning along SLEX. I needed to help our Manila reporter with stories that we could get from a presscon today. She’s still under the weather and it’s hard to chase the head of a conglomerate if you’re sick.

And chase I did. I barricaded the elevator door with my body when the one I needed to ambush interview was already leaving. Good thing I already befriended his security guys so they let me do my thing.

Got three stories today.

Why the fuck am I still doing this? Because I’m a journalist and I am faithful to my profession, not the company.

And my manager is on my case again today but she was pounding the editor who was editing one of my stories. I said it’s time-sensitive because there might be some announcement tomorrow on IDX and we needed to be ahead of that.

But nooooo, she was asking the stupidest things via the editor, thus delaying the publication of the piece. It’s already 9 pm 11 pm and it’s still not done. It’s less than 10 paragraph for goodness’ sake!!!

I told the editor to go home and have dinner. I said we’ll just deal with this tomorrow morning before markets open.

I don’t know if she’s jealous that my team is still intact while her only reporter already resigned and it’s only her in her bureau. I don’t know if she’s being insufferable because my team receives the highest average hits/readership in APAC monthly.

God knows how I am keeping my temper in check. I think I need to talk to my therapist again because of the stress my manager is causing me. I am already affected physically. My stomach acids are already overwhelming me again. I need to take a proton pump inhibitor before morning and evening meals because it may worsen again and I may end up in the ER again.

I’m still waiting for any news about my job application with a competitor. 😩

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To cheer me a bit today…