Made the trip to PGH yesterday to get the official reading of Twin A’s MRI.

She still has prominent lymph nodes, it seemed to be at the back (retroperitoneal and right common iliac lymph nodes), which our IDS missed initially but the radiologist caught it.

I checked with the fellows how did the TB test go. It’s still positive even after a year of treatment. However one of the fellows said, it’s normal to register positive for TB quantiferon even if you completed your treatment.

Twin A’s last day of taking her medicines was yesterday. 🥺

I have yet to schedule our consult because all IDS are having a national conference today or this week. Besides, Twin A is now down with stomach flu—as much as I tried to isolate Twin I and myself from her, it can’t be helped. We’re using one bathroom and even if I scrubbed the bathroom frequently, she will still get it because this illness is very contagious. I can’t have Twin A’s bloodwork done when she’s like this.

I am not sure if our IDS would still have the biopsy of the lymph nodes or just continue the TB treatment since there was no thickening of any lining, nodules or omental caking going on.

I am exhausted.

I didn’t know what to do with myself yesterday because I felt betrayed. By whom? I don’t know. This TB is really aggressive and there’s this nagging fear that this variant might be drug-resistant.

I tried working while having my late lunch at the mall. Edited two stories and looked for ways to cheer myself up before driving back home. I bought some groceries and Bread Talk for the girls.

I still felt like a deflated balloon. My sis-in-law told me to have a Karada massage/treatment also in Robinsons and the therapists are good. So off to Karada I went.

It was expensive at PHP 2,300 for a 60-min treatment but it was all so worth it. I felt relief within an hour while my two-hr massage last week didn’t do anything. The tension on my lower back and spine was released.

It was a momentary lift to my mood.

Then I walked into a giant Christmas tree.

I don’t know why I feel sad whenever I see Christmas decor. Like, wait, stop the time—I’m not ready yet! I feel like time is flying by so fast and I haven’t done anything much in my life. I haven’t reached any goals. Here I am, still in a limbo regarding my daughter’s health. I haven’t gone back to my gynecologist to continue with my executive check up. I haven’t figured out what to do with my life yet.

It seems like I’m just hobbling along.

Kimchi’s foul odor has gotten worse so I brought her back to the vet. Then we were referred to the pet hospital. I was told by our first vet that symptoms indicate that Kimchi has impacted anal glands that needed to be expressed. However, in case it is not that, she may need the whole workup and it’s better to have that in a hospital.

After writing two stories, off I went to the pet hospital. Vet #2 confirmed it’s impacted anal glands, alright, and that may have already ruptured, hence, the smelly butt. It took three people to keep her down because this cat is feisty.

No need for workup, vet #2 cleaned Kimchi up and recommended a calming drug for a super anxious cat 30 mins or 1 hr before grooming appointment on Friday.

Until then, we need to keep Kimchi from licking her butt so it won’t get infected again.

What has caused all this?

Normal emptying of the sac is triggered by exercise and passage of stool out of the anus. Obese cats are more likely to struggle with delayed emptying of their anal sacs than cats with a healthy body condition score.

Overweight cats tend to exercise less, and thus have less natural emptying of the sacs. Additionally, their extra weight can compress the duct openings, making emptying more challenging.

If a cat does not have enough fiber in their diet they can also struggle with soft stools, which affects emptying.

There you go. Kimchi needs to exercise and needs to eat more grass. That’s why she loves munching on my basil plants and tarragon. Even though they’re obligate carnivores, cats still need veggies.

Now I need to schedule her grooming ASAP.

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I know what’s missing. I need to paint. I need something creative.

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Ooooh I hate early Monday morning coverages. I left my home at 6:45 am and arrived in Makati after 3 hrs. When I drive during non-rush hours, it usually takes me only 1.5 hrs or less than that to reach Makati CBD. But not today 🥲

I was so busy chasing people today that I was able to write three stories. It’s supposed to be four but my brain was already about to burst so I didn’t want to be a hero.

I didn’t bother with lunch because I needed to jump to a call right after the conference. My friend, L, and I met in one cafe in Greenbelt after she finished her own coverage in another hotel also in that area. For hours we didn’t talk much because we were finishing multiple stories. We finally got our bearings at around 6:30 pm and headed for dinner with my Manila reporter, Kr, who was out of commission today.

Kr had to leave early so it was only L and I who talked about what are we to do now that we couldn’t transition into another adjacent industry (PR)? Both of us, plus Kr, were hit with the same itch at the same time starting last year. The three of us tested the waters and it seems like Kr is far ahead of us doing something else other than her day job. L just got her side job, just to see if she can do something else besides journalism. In contrast, I never made it to the first stage. My client in HK ghosted me after I submitted my first draft. I didn’t bother going after them—proof that it’s not for me.

“What am I, if I cleave my identity from my profession? Who am I?” I asked L. “I have to find out soon. I have to find where my passion lies outside of this job.”

The key is to find something else to do that I don’t feel like it’s a chore. What is my bliss?

L is also asking the same questions. She said, who is she without the name of her paper that she carries all the time? She asked, would she be able to get the side gig if hypothetically she left her company and would only be identified as “L, former journalist at xxx”? She said she doesn’t know the answers. It must be something she has to think deeply about.

She and I know that in the meantime we are stable but eventually we have to leave this profession. We can’t be doing this until we retire. We’re already considered the seniors in our industry.

Where are we supposed to go?

I’ve been mostly horizontal yesterday as my gastroenteritis is really bad. I subsisted on water and Gatorade. I was able to eat my first solid food meal last night—Jollibee spaghetti and Chickenjoy—but didn’t finish it because I still felt weak and queasy. I gave it to Twin I.

Now she’s sick. 🤦🏻‍♀️ So this is not the excessive gastric acids that I had in December. This is viral stomach flu.

I don’t know where I got it but my only exposure to the outside world last week was when I had my home massage. 🤔

But what my masseuse probably had was just the common cold. I don’t know… It was already too late when I noticed she had the sniffles but I quickly gave her masks to use for our session and for her next session with another customer.

I don’t know. I must get better soon because tomorrow I have an early morning conference in Makati.

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It’s 4 am and this is the first time since yesterday that I feel normal. I had been curled up in pain because of stomach acids again. I suffered from bad diarrhea and vomiting. It seemed like whatever my body wanted to expel really had to violently get out of me.

I only had a glass of Diabetasol for breakfast and started writing my article. I felt quesy right after sending my piece to the editors. Still, I was crazy enough to text the vet that I will be taking the 1 pm slot because Kimchi really needs to be checked.

Just as we were about to leave, I vomited and emptied my insides. Damn it was so painful! But I couldn’t cancel because it’s hard to get another appointment with the vet.

Kimchi had a smelly butt since Typhoon Enteng or earlier and she had been scooting on my carpet (which reminds me I must have it washed when the sun comes out). She frequently licks her butt, more than usual but she doesn’t have diarrhea.

Likely parasite since Kimchi and Sushi go out occasionally and one time I caught them munching on a lizard or some big insect that they caught (the rascals!). The smell of her butt (smells like bagoong) and all the other symptoms point to possible parasite infection so we were prescribed Nexguard combo for both the indoor cats. If Kimchi doesn’t improve, then I have to bring her back for some lab work.

Then the vet saw how in bad shape I was. She told me, it seems like it’s you who needs to go to the doctor…

I mustered all my will power so we can get home.

Once I stepped into my house, I started hurling again and diarrhea exploded. I had been horizontal since then. When my girls arrived, I asked the girls to buy me half dozen Gatarode to hydrate me because oral hydrites taste horrible. But too late, I was already dehydrated and contracted low-grade fever. I was in and out of consciousness; I was in that twilight zone of sleeping and wakefulness because I needed to go to the bathroom. I don’t remember when I fell into deep sleep…

My Manila reporter told me to just rest and not worry about the event she was covering (signing of a deal we had been covering doggedly). “You need to rest now; you’re sick.”

Ah yes… Stress…

This job will kill me with stress.

I am not music snob as I currently have electronica of some sort in my Spotify playlist (see this sample below).

My girls are incredulous when they heard this playlist and asked, Mommy, why are you listening to that?!

I try to be adventurous when it comes to things I love, like music. Just to see what’s out there.

However, I do agree with Rick Beato. Everything is just too easy nowadays. AI-generated music, streams that go down the drain, the disposability of everything that is created nowadays. The Billboard Top 100 these days is anemic. My kids are listening to music that is 10 or 20 years old because they’re better, as they said.

But streaming apps like Spotify and SoundCloud did open opportunities for deserving artists. It opened up my world and playlists even without going to indie music haunts like 70s Bistro. I found gems like Raining in Manila by Lola Amour, which is reminiscent of the Manila Sound of the 1970s and early 1980s.

They have a similar vibe (for me) as IV of Spade, especially with this song Mundo. They sound like children of VST & Co, in a good way. Like old school music that feel familiar but isn’t.

Without streaming, I wouldn’t have discovered local artists like these below.

Before streaming, before Apple Music Store, before Limewire, people were stuck with whatever is being played on mainstream radio—which is very much influenced by the political economy of the medium and music business in general. I remember I wrote a paper in grad school about this. I can’t remember if it was for a broadcasting course but anyway, I was lucky that I have a high school friend who used to work for Alpha Records who I interviewed for this.

So yes, we are making AI music nowadays, devoid of creativity all for a quick buck. We are creating disposable music. However, there are still gems out there that are now given bigger platforms and they will find their audience, unlike before when you’re at the mercy of radio stations. If you don’t get airplay, you’re dead.

Maybe, just maybe, we should all do away with the normal practice of seeking what is on the Billboard Top 100 or even the list of the most streamed songs. Those lists these days are mostly garbage. And don’t get me started on the TikTok viral music. 🙄

There are better music out there.

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