I guess the Marcos trolls got their 13th month pay so they’re licking the asses of their principals, big time. The socmedia post above is so absurd that it makes me wanna barf. It’s so cheap.

Kadiri.

Imee Marcos expressing her “distrust” and saying that the senators will study “thoroughly” the Maharlika Investment Fund is a joke. They’re doing the “good cop, bad cop” drama. Only the stupid and the equally corrupt would say that the MIF is for the good of the country. OMG! It is the legalized slush fund of the Marcoses, how can you be soooo… And any investment banker that will touch this will be tainted forever…but those fuckers don’t care. UBS and Credit Suisse were the principal players in the siphoning off of billions of USD that the Marcoses’ looted for half a century.

Well, the Swiss don’t care.

---

I had run errands today and finished all of them because I don’t want to go out within the 2-km radius of my home in the next few days since everywhere will be a bedlam starting tomorrow. Christmas rush, despite the economic difficulties, is very much alive.

I’m wondering if I should waste money on booking a hotel next week so I can have drinks in Makati with friends…

I kid you not, it’s easier to drive from my hometown to Makati than QC to Makati. It’s quite horrible these days.

---

At some point in my life, I’ve had a friend like this who thinks that everyone is into her. One friend was recently been like this and I had to smack her and said, “Girl, you have to stop thinking like that. He is just talking to you, and definitely not aiming to go to bed with you.” I think it stems from her insecurity and the need to be validated by the opposite sex.

While I was growing up, I was the total opposite of this girl. Living with a narcissist (in my case, my father) makes you feel like you are so unworthy of this narc’s love and attention. So there, all my life I thought I was ugly and unintelligent and that the only thing that was of worth was my acting talent. (At that time I haven’t decided yet if I was indeed a writer until I had one of my short stories published in a magazine). Off-stage, I felt I was nothing. I always felt bad when my friends were being courted by boys in our school while I was left on the shelf. I focused on that one aspect and kept obsessing on it.

But I totally neglected the fact that I had been turning boys’ heads from other schools and when I travelled to other places whenever I represented my school in some competition. I even received love letters from the boys whose names I didn’t bother to remember. I DON’T KNOW WHY I dismissed those. Maybe because I kept thinking it was just a one-off thing or it was a fluke. If only I had a healthy dose of self-love and confidence, I wouldn’t have focused on my lack of suitors from our high school and think I was ugly and unworthy of someone better, which would redound to me having a better self-image. This would lead to better choices of boyfriends, and eventually, partner/husband.

You know, hindsight is 2020 and what I would tell my 15-year-old self that, hey, your self-worth is more than what boys think of you.

And I deluded myself into thinking that indeed, I was unworthy and my friends were all pretty and I was the ugly duckling.

It was not true.

If only I had someone assure me of that when I was growing up…But I guess everyone was wrapped up in her own insecurities to deal with my own gigantic self-loathing and self-flagellation. My mom was not assuring because maybe she was afraid that doing so would make our heads bloated like her older sisters who got movie star good looks in their youth. We never got praises from our parents. Maybe they thought that would keep us down-to-earth but it backfired since we sisters had our own demons to carry when it comes to our individual low self-esteem.

So this is probably the reason why I was oblivious to situations when males were genuinely attracted to me. It was only now 20 years later that I learned that I was one of the campus crushes in high school and college. I thought they were just joking when they said some guys were watching some football tournaments because of the goalie (me). I remember this one time I received flowers after a stage play from a friend of my brother. I thought he was being nice and extra attentive to me because he was my bro’s friend. I stayed away because he was 6 years my senior…. That I had a suitor in college whom I rejected several times but even in med school he was still talking about me (a high school classmate who went with him to the same med school told me). My contractor now, who was a year ahead of me in high school, told me I was intimidating back then because I was barako/astig = a badass.

Soooooooooooooooo that accounted for my lack of suitors from the same school. 🤔

There are so many stories I didn’t know and were just being told to me NOW and instances that I know of but ignored, which are proof that I wasn’t what I thought I was. That I was not ugly. That I was not just a shadow across the hall. That I wasn’t just a wallflower. That I was somebody.

Last year, my mom asked me, why him (ex-husband) when there were so many others —i.e. I deserved someone so much better. I said, I didn’t know I deserved someone better. I thought he was the only one who would love me.

WRONG.

Now we go back to the video above. I was the opposite of that girl. And it was equally unhealthy.