My colleague, the best that I have in my team, finally tendered her resignation letter. She will stay on until the 27th. It’s supposed to be Feb but she will use her remaining leave credits that she carried over from last year so she will just cut short her stay.
My bosses told me to hold my horses and not accept. They will make a counter-offer.
I told my immediate manager that nah, she won’t. I’ve been raising this issue about promotion and raises since I took over but they wouldn’t listen. I asked for her promotion the moment I assumed my new role, but I was told her name wasn’t in the list of those who will get raises/promotion. Actually, all the names I submitted didn’t get any promotion.
And now my manager is blaming me for not flagging. I told you several times already, I said.
Even the reporter herself told me that she told my manager about it.
They just didn’t listen.
If your company doesn’t value you, walk away. The problem with other managers is that they will only realize their folly when the die has already cast.
Of course, since I already knew that this was coming, I am just calmly taking it now and absorbing it. But it still hurts and also there’s a panicking voice inside me that is screaming, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW?! You don’t have a reporter in Singapore!
I’m trying to be calm and collected. I have no idea what to do now. Shall I fly to Singapore next week and start having coffee dates? My bosses should realize they pay peanuts and no one with good experience would really jump into this role. There’s a dearth of talent in Singapore and we could only get foreigners for this role, which would require a hefty salary given that the MoM has hiked the minimum pay for non-executive/non-investor foreign workers. Even the rivals I talked to last November aren’t from Singapore—they’re all transplants.
OK, breathe in, breathe out.
I am now plotting all the conferences that I need to attend in Southeast Asia. It seems like I will be traveling every month. Oh shit.
I didn’t want to name names before but since Bilyonaryo.com has already named him, might as well…
First off, he was the DoTr secretary who kept rejecting the privatization proposals of NAIA. Several times. He allegedly also has a big stake in the Bulacan Airport (according to rumors, Tugade allegedly has huge real estate investments around the area) that’s why the DoTr under his watch approved this proposed airport even though Finance Dept under Carlos Dominguez opposed it because it does not make sense at all. The TOR is unfavorable to the government. A source leaked to me the contents of the TOR, but I couldn’t write it because I had no proper angle for it in my publication. Dominguez then fed it to the rest of mainstream media.
I made noise when the DoTr prevented ALL mainstream media (was only open to select “friendly” media and Duterte bloggers) to attend a public Swiss auction for the Bulacan airport. Then Tugade’s attack dogs (i.e. trolls) came after me.
But then karma comes back biting you on your arse. This government later on rejected the application for PEZA accreditation of the real estate surrounding Bulacan Airport to be an economic zone i.e. prime industrial zone that is tax exempt and with other fiscal perks. Basically, this renders Bulacan Airport unviable for investors because the main money-making machine is not the airport operations itself but the real estate component of the airport and the surrounding areas.
Second, this Marcos administration had been wishy-washy with the appointment of the MIAA head. There was a bit of a power struggle there, with news reports saying that Tugade’s son had aimed for the MIAA position, but incumbent DoTr Sec Jimmy Bautista prevailed and had another person installed in MIAA. Now the Tugade son is at the Land Transportation Office, another fucked up office, very rich in corruption. See my public rants on social media and ABS-CBN interview about this.
Even if Jimmy Bautista already said that auction of NAIA is already set for 1Q23, here comes Finance Sec Diokno, pulling back again, saying no, it shouldn’t proceed (as I wrote in October after I interviewed him).
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS?!
Jimmy Bautista, as the former Philippine Airlines CEO, knows the importance of NAIA and he was still its chief executive when PAL’s affiliate joined other local conglomerates to submit an unsolicited proposal for the redevelopment of NAIA. All the conglomerates’ businesses are in a precarious position if NAIA melts down. Bautista knows how fucked up that airport is. Now he has become the fall guy in this mess left by Tugade.
And the president of this country doesn’t fucking care. On the day Armageddon descended, he just made a vlog that he released to the delight of his minions. He is now making his way into China for some “work” and then off to Switzerland for the World Economic Forum, making this some kind of field trip.
And what do they aim for this year? To sleep some more.
WHAT THE FUCK?! They had been sleeping on the job since Day 1!
Why do I even bother?! This is such a toxic relationship, this one I have with this country.
Much to my dismay, I had to face the reality that I need to work today. I forced my brain to work. Well, half my brain did function. I had several calls today, including performance reviews of reporters, and tons of emails to deal with. One win for the day is that I secured the boss’ approval to bring my entire team to Singapore in April in time for our series of conferences. I just need the exact dates so we can book our tickets and hotels.
Damn, we’re too early for the Great Singapore Sale. Hahahaha! Oh well.
Just as well because it’s either I need to fly to HK later or somewhere else because all the APAC regional heads are going to have the annual meeting. I need proper spacing for the travels. I cannot travel in May because I’m moving houses.
I also told our MD today that nope, I’m staying put here in Manila next week since I don’t have much business in SG, but maybe we can work something out when I fly to HK
I need to force myself to write tomorrow. Then go to the diesel engine calibration shop because my car is spewing black smoke again. I can’t have my smoke emission testing with that kind of exhaust. Passing the emission test is crucial in renewing my car registration, which I should do again…So many adulting things I need to work on this month. Pffffffftttttt…
Meanwhile, a friend called me up early this evening again for career advice and to sum it up, I told her not to rush things because if she feels a tinge of misgiving and fear, then that opportunity is not for her. The right opportunity will just fall on to your lap and would feel bright and just right; it will not make you queasy just thinking about it. As we say in football training, keep your eye on the ball and not on the fancy footwork, because those are meant to distract you. That’s what we call “faking”. Told my friend that she should clear obligations with her previous employment (no lingering loose threads and whatnot) and not over-commit to the next one because her goal is to migrate to Australia. And she only has 3 years left before the door closes (age limit for application is 45 years old).
She said, my insight strengthened her gut feel not to accept the offer.
You’ll know it when the right one comes because it just feels right, I said.
We’re talking about jobs/consultancy work here, not love life.
As a side note, everyone is migrating. They must think I’m a loser for choosing to stay.
And this reel from Tarantadong Kalbo made me cry. The ugly cry. It hurts so much, deep down. This comic reel is probably the reason why I’m still here, suffering in this toxic relationship with the Philippines.
On the first day of 2023, the Philippines fucked it up.
Screengrab from FlightRadar24
A technical glitch at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport yesterday has closed the Philippines off from the rest of the world. Nobody could come in and out. All flights were cancelled/delayed until today. Our Manila reporter is stuck somewhere in the province and she’s still not sure if her flight tomorrow night will push through.
I am part of this department’s group chat and nobody from the government could shed light immediately what was going on 🤦♀️. Talk about competence. Ghad.
Anyway, this has long been overdue. The redevelopment/modernization of this airport has been in the PPP list since forever but the Duterte administration ditched all unsolicited proposals from the private sector to improve the Philippines’ main gateway to favor San Miguel’s Bulacan Airport, which is very out of the way, and Sangley Airport in Cavite, which requires more infrastructure development (read: impassable narrow roads) to be of any use. I’ve written about it so many times over so many years.
Now this administration has been sending conflicting messages to the world; camp 1 says no, NAIA will no longer be redeveloped because we already have two airports in the works (well, they won’t be operational until 2032), while camp 2 says, it is already up for bidding. <<<< This was the last story I wrote in November and I was ahead of everybody else in publishing that the bids will be opened up this first quarter, with the TOR being drafted with help of ADB.
This is why we’re so fucked up. Too much self-interest reigning over what is good for the country. If only they had let this redevelopment push through in 2016, we already would have had a better and functional international airport by this time. Six years had passed = enough time for construction. This fucked up airport has four terminals disconnected from each other. If you’re flying in from abroad and have a connecting flight to the provinces in another terminal, better make sure you have enough time to make the transfers because you have to hail taxis or whatnot to transfer you to another terminal. No fucking sky trains.
I see some friends on social media ranting that they are still stuck and couldn’t come back home.
Good job, Philippines, good job. 👏👏👏👏👏👏
Kimchi’s gift. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I drifted off to sleep very early last night and I just found myself surrounded by cats at midnight. Then at around 6:30-ish, I woke up with Kimchi’s favorite toy on my bed, as if she was offering it to me. She and Sushi occasionally give me love offerings like small dead rats 🙀 back when the other unit was harboring too many pests that they cross over to my unit.
Thank God I am moving out. I don’t have to deal with pests, messy neighbors, and inconvenient parking situation.
Speaking of moving out, my girls and I went to Wilcon Home Depot after getting cat supplies at Tiendesitas to buy proper curtain rods and curtain rod brackets, shower curtain rods, shower curtains, towel bar, toilet paper holder, bathroom hooks, and behind-the-door bedroom hooks. I chose the expensive brands as these were made of matte stainless steel, feel solid, and will last for an eternity or until I get tired of them and have them replaced.
My girls and their shopping cart. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I was about to chuck a Birke toilet paper holder into the cart when Twin A said, “MOMMY, WHY ARE YOU BUYING A TOILET PAPER HOLDER FOR ONE THOUSAND PESOS?! We just buy it in Ikea, it’s much cheaper.”
But I want this stainless steel beauty. 😟
So ok, I changed it to the cheaper Pozzi one to appease her. But I didn’t relent with the other fixtures because they all must go with the Hamden, Birke, Kohler, or Grohe ones that my contractor bought (pre-approved by me).
We were looking at tubs and I really, really want this upright soaking tub:
But it won’t fit in my shower area to have a bath/shower combo. I also did away with the glass enclosure because based on the few condo bathrooms that I’ve seen and used (mostly with J), it’s hard to remove the water stains when you have hard water. Using acid (citric acid from lemons or acetic acid from vinegar) to cut the water stains don’t work if they have already set in. Plus it’s too much work to wipe down the glass enclosure every time you take a shower. A good shower curtain will be a better option since you just chuck it in the washing machine and you’re done. Plus you can have more artistic choices with shower curtains. I can even commission a local artist to create a shower curtain on polyester fabric cloth.
I still have to complete my shopping before everything becomes permanent e.g. tiling work.
One of the fountains I bought from Farmers. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My kids and I welcomed 2023 with our neighbors and we shared sparklers, fountains and fire crackers.
It’s kinda bittersweet. This is the last new year’s eve with the neighbors. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My girls enjoyed the evening, which was capped by viewing the fireworks of central QC from our neighbor’s roofdeck.
360-degree view of fireworks in central QC. Video by CallMeCreation.com
So for 2023, we will be embarking on a new adventure… Sort of. We’re going back to the place where my girls were born and where I grew up. Very familiar ground and yet it’s full of uncertainties. I will be in danger of making my world smaller because I will be back to my old stomping grounds. I’m in danger of regressing and throttling the growth that I had painstakingly nurtured. I’m scared of stunting.
But I’m doing this for my kids. They will benefit from growing up in a more protected and unpolluted environment. They’re now the priority, it’s no longer about me.
I say, I need to go forward, march to the tune of the band, and hope for the best. This new year will be a transition period for me, not only because I’m moving houses; I feel there’s a bigger shift that’s going to happen. I don’t know what exactly that is.
I’m out of therapy for 6 months now and 2023 will be a new start for me. I’ve been held back for two years and it was like I was loitering around purgatory longer than I should.
What will I be targeting to do this year?
More diving; it will be easier since travel time will be cut because I would already be in the south
Learn kiteboarding in Boracay
Go to Moalboal or Coron
Go surfing in Siargao, La Union, Zambales, or Baler.
Go camping again with my kids either in Caliraya again or Tanay, Rizal
Prepare for travel to Morocco or Spain in 2024; in the meantime I will bring my kids and mom to Singapore since it’s the easiest place when I have a brood to herd.
Travel to the Bangkok, Hi Chi Minh, and Phnom Penh for work.
Push for promotion of my two or three reporters
Build my small homestead
Start court proceedings for my annulment as I’m already out of therapy. I can finally battle it out in court
At JB Music Store in Araneta Center, Cubao. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Twin I finally bought her acoustic guitar that she has been wishing for half a year. She saved up her weekly allowance and her Christmas money and deposited everything in her Maya e-wallet/bank account. She had applied for a Maya debit card and got it a week or two ago. Today she proudly used her very own debit card to purchase her guitar.
I was the one who chose the guitar (a mid-priced Fernando) and it sounded good, even better than the RJ guitar I tried at the Guitar Center in Mall of Asia.
Good luck to your future callouses! Photo by CallMeCreation.com
After the guitar business, we went to Farmers Market to buy fruits and veggies for tonight’s media noche feast. I’m supposed to grill some marinated porkchops later.
Then off we went to buy sparklers/fireworks. Over PHP 2000 worth of them.
At Parolan, Farmers Market, Araneta Center, Cubao. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Of course, for maximum noise, we bought horns for the three of us.
Toy horns for PHP 50 apiece. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
Went back to Gateway Mall where we parked to buy a cake from Conti’s. However, they ran out of cakes. 😑
Let me nap first…
Burgers and pork chop for dinner. Photo by CallMeCreation.com Drinks after cooking. Whew!
Our enormous shopping bag and Twin A. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
My girls are growing exponentially.
They have already outgrown their new clothes–even if the ones we bought already had been one size bigger–only a few months after we bought them. 🥴 We culled the clothes that no longer fit (and there were a lot) and I realized that we needed to buy new of everything, from underwear to pants.
So went clothes shopping again today.
We just took Grab because my car was stuck in the garage because our neighbor’s other car was behind it and the entire family was out. There was no way I can get it out. Good thing that traffic was light; it only took us 10-15 mins from our apartment to the nearest SM.
Late lunch-early dinner of sukiyaki at Botejyu. I don’t know why they serve kimchi but, ok, if that’s how you roll, then fine. Photo by CallMeCreation.com
I told my mom a few days ago about this constant growth spurts and said, “Oh yes. That stage where children are growing like blow-up balloons.” Her tone was like “glad I’m no longer in your shoes haha.”
My little ladies.
I’m so thankful that I can provide for their needs as a solo parent. I get zero financial help from their dad.
I’m just thankful I survived this year, just like I did in 2021, when I was just holding on. This year was a vast improvement over 2021 but it was still a struggle. I had to confront so much trauma to the point I had to continue taking tranquilizers to stabilize my trauma-induced anxiety. So that I could sleep. Staying weekends by the seaside and by the forest (my hometown) helped adjust my body clock as well. I had so much unpacking to do the entire 2022.
I remember in December 2020, around this time (specifically, I wrote on 26th of December) that I don’t know where I was going, but it’s ok.
It’s ok not to know what’s at the end of the bridge. For me it’s the journey over the bridge that’s most important. Make every little thing count. Enjoy the beauty in the simplest things: Preparing meals for my family. Watching sunsets. Watching the sunlight being filtered by my bedroom curtain while I am tucked between the sheets. Hearing my children’s squeals of laughter. Being by the sea and under the sea. Going up hills and mountains. Walking among flowers in Hitachi. Going to onsens. Taking hours-long train rides to somewhere. Discovering the best teppanyaki in the middle of nowhere in rural Japan. Walking around UP Diliman campus. Petting my cats. Sipping coffee in a coffee shop while I write or watch people. Writing.
Two years after, my words still hold true. I don’t know where I’m going but it’s ok. I am enjoying the simplest things still. I am enjoying the domesticity and at the same time I am still excited by my work: meeting new people, being challenged intellectually, and learning new things everyday. I’m not getting rich but I have more than enough. At least I have a home now and building more permanence for my kids. I am giving them a sense of belonging, like a warm hug that greets you every time you come home from roaming around. So that they will have roots and something to anchor them when they drift away from me someday. Even when I’m gone, they will still have a home and it’s theirs. No one can take that away from them. They will have always somewhere to come home to when they need to hide and lick their wounds and retrace their steps back into the wide world.
I wrote on 27 December that my simple dream was to build a small house or a cottage by the sea.
Anyway, I still hold that dream of living small by the sea. I’ve always wanted to live by the sea or by the mountains (I grew up by the foot of Mt. Makiling so it makes sense). Since I was a child, we always went to the beach at least once a year. My love for the sea is coupled with my interest in snorkeling and now freediving.
I never wanted to live in a big house. I’m a simple provinciana girl who just wants to manage a small but comfortable household; a small homestead growing our own food and keeping a few animals. I want to live sustainably. A cottage by the sea is perfect. I never tire of sunsets by the sea; it’s one of the most beautiful things to witness in life. Staring at the horizon, wondering what’s beyond it. Hearing the splash of water against the shore is calming at night, rocking me to sleep.
I am fulfilling that dream now. It’s not by the sea, though, but it can come later. At least I have checked that one item on my list. One step at a time.
This year I rediscovered that I could still draw. I wish the circumstances were different, of how I went back to it but…oh well. 🤷♀️
Am I healed? Not yet, I guess. I’m still angry. But I’m healthier in a way that I no longer get triggered (*fingers crossed*). I haven’t cried since February. And I promised myself I never will cry over that person. Ever.
So this year I climbed the ladder. Do I want it? I don’t know. Well, the pay raise was nice but I’m still severely underpaid compared to peers in the same position (thank you, ex-boss, for suppressing me like that). I’m still fighting for it, though. Let’s see how I can push the envelope this coming review.
