I had one of the most harrowing—if not the most harrowing driving experience I had—last weekend. I stalled along Quezon Ave because of an unresponsive clutch and of course, transmission.

Prior to going to Metro Manila, I had already had the clutch fixed and changed. Or so I thought. Friday, I had my clutch adjusted because it was suspiciously going deeper and was not “biting” so I had a hard time shifting gears.

The “mechanic” adjusted it.

The following day, I drove my mom to QC for some kind of reunion with her undergrad classmates. I had my kids with me and we went to UP Town Center so they can hang out with their grade school best friend.

When we were about to fetch my mom, we got stalled and barricaded from entering the UP Diliman campus because of the Pride Parade. They closed off major gates.

It took me an hour to get to my mom and we took the long way to Teachers Village to bring back the twins’ friend to her home. By that time, I was already feeling the looseness of the clutch pedal and that the gear stick is getting harder to use.

We were already in Quezon Ave when I felt that the gear stick was frozen and that my clutch was getting nowhere. I stopped by a gas station to ask for a mechanic but he had gone home, they said.

I struggled but was able to make it a few more meters and luckily I was able to get a hold of two mechanics in a Shell gas station. They were about to go home but got held up because they were waiting for their friends to pick them up for a birthday party. Guardian angels were looking out for us.

Long story short, they were able to diagnose the problem and did a quick fix so we could go home.

On SLEX, everything was smooth. But then when we exited at Calamba, that’s when I felt the gear stick freezing again and the clutch wouldn’t bite. I was pushing and pushing my luck for 15 km or so until I reached the junction going the main ave leading to our university campus.

Then a bus blocked us when we were about to turn right so we had to stop and go neutral. That’s when I lost it. My clutch and my gear stick were no longer communicating. I screamed and cried. I was just holding in all the tension I felt and I was clutching on to a thin sliver of sanity for five hours so I would not panic. Panicking will not help us all.

But then it was all too much. I had to let it all out. And by some miracle my stick shifted after pumping the clutch pedal so much. I drove all the way home on second gear. I turned off the engine, shifted the gear to Reverse and then turned on the engine so I can reverse and park properly.

My mom said, she cannot live worrying that something similar will happen to me again when I drive back to Manila. “You have to buy a new car immediately.”

So here I am, vacillating between Toyota Raize, photo above, (cute, high ground clearance but has a very small trunk and 5-seater only) and Toyota Avanza (7-seater, large cargo space but has low ground clearance).

I paid xxx pesos to reserve either models and told the sales agent that I will be making cash payment a week or two later once I sold my Crosswind because parking is an issue.

The car is now running smoothly after the clutch and brake repair.

I now have second thoughts about selling this Crosswind. It breaks my heart… I’m being a sentimental idiot, I know.

But this thing is built like a tank. It has been with me through one of the strongest typhoons on this planet and carried me to Ground Zero. I’ve plowed through Metro Manila floods without fear. It has been with me halfway across the country. I know all its aches and pains.

I have to let it go. Let go…