I had been contemplating about having a skylight in my kitchen because my house is dark even in daytime. But that’s stupid because my house is just one year old and here I am, thinking of new construction works again.

I guess the band-aid solution is to order and have an accordion screen door installed on my front door so I can have it perpetually open and let in more light. It has been a year since and I kept putting it off for some reason…ah well, Twin A got sick so all my energy and resources went into her care.

Which brings me to my dilemma now. I have a huge chunk of cash just languishing in my bank accounts instead of growing in investment instruments. I am holding on to it because I am so afraid of being unprepared for medical emergencies. I’m insured (HMO + health insurance for critical illness) but my kids are not. My job doesn’t include such things so I pay for everything in cash. Now that it seems like our saga with Twin A’s GI TB is not yet concluded, I have to keep cash accessible all the time.

I’m afraid that we would have to do the biopsy and go through that whole rule out lymphoma thing. But our discharge orders indicated that GI TB, lymphoma unlikely… So I’m holding on to that.

One time I jokingly said that my life can be divided into two parts: Life before watching Grave of the Fireflies and life after Grave of the Fireflies. It’s that earth-shattering for me. The worst part is, this movie is a true story of Akiyuki Nosaka.

This is a beautiful movie but I will never watch it again. It broke me. The only Studio Ghibli movie I will not watch again. I told friends that right after watching Oppenheimer, they should watch Grave of the Fireflies and see the polar opposites of the war.

Now that it’s available on Netflix, this movie teases me. Like it’s beckoning, “come on, you know you want to watch me.” But then, I’m in  an emotionally vulnerable position right now so it would be a huge mistake to try and watch this again.

I’ll just wait for The Boy and the Heron to pop in Netflix and have my Studio Ghibli binge later.