Made the trip to PGH yesterday to get the official reading of Twin A’s MRI.

She still has prominent lymph nodes, it seemed to be at the back (retroperitoneal and right common iliac lymph nodes), which our IDS missed initially but the radiologist caught it.

I checked with the fellows how did the TB test go. It’s still positive even after a year of treatment. However one of the fellows said, it’s normal to register positive for TB quantiferon even if you completed your treatment.

Twin A’s last day of taking her medicines was yesterday. 🥺

I have yet to schedule our consult because all IDS are having a national conference today or this week. Besides, Twin A is now down with stomach flu—as much as I tried to isolate Twin I and myself from her, it can’t be helped. We’re using one bathroom and even if I scrubbed the bathroom frequently, she will still get it because this illness is very contagious. I can’t have Twin A’s bloodwork done when she’s like this.

I am not sure if our IDS would still have the biopsy of the lymph nodes or just continue the TB treatment since there was no thickening of any lining, nodules or omental caking going on.

I am exhausted.

I didn’t know what to do with myself yesterday because I felt betrayed. By whom? I don’t know. This TB is really aggressive and there’s this nagging fear that this variant might be drug-resistant.

I tried working while having my late lunch at the mall. Edited two stories and looked for ways to cheer myself up before driving back home. I bought some groceries and Bread Talk for the girls.

I still felt like a deflated balloon. My sis-in-law told me to have a Karada massage/treatment also in Robinsons and the therapists are good. So off to Karada I went.

It was expensive at PHP 2,300 for a 60-min treatment but it was all so worth it. I felt relief within an hour while my two-hr massage last week didn’t do anything. The tension on my lower back and spine was released.

It was a momentary lift to my mood.

Then I walked into a giant Christmas tree.

I don’t know why I feel sad whenever I see Christmas decor. Like, wait, stop the time—I’m not ready yet! I feel like time is flying by so fast and I haven’t done anything much in my life. I haven’t reached any goals. Here I am, still in a limbo regarding my daughter’s health. I haven’t gone back to my gynecologist to continue with my executive check up. I haven’t figured out what to do with my life yet.

It seems like I’m just hobbling along.