I warned my surgeon that I have a weird resistance to anesthesia, so he said he will slightly hike the dosage. At some point when he was prying the lipoma out of the muscles it was buried under, I felt some kind of stabbing pain but it was minute. However, technically I shouldn’t have felt that but 🤷🏻‍♀️ what can I do?

He said heavy drinkers have this condition. I joked, well I came from this university so…🙃 He got it. He also had his undergraduate in this uni and went to UP College of Med-PGH in Manila so of course he knows.

So now I know it’s not a myth. 🤣

Funny doc, he kept on repeating that the lipoma he removed was “cute.” how can a mass of fat cells be cute?

Then he showed me. Oh well, it’s really round.

I asked if it could have been removed by liposuction. He said it’s too solid for that. It’s also good that I chose to have the incision directly over the tumor instead of doing the roundabout way—in which he would have to do the incision within my hairline—because the lipoma was embedded underneath my muscles and just above my bone. It would have made things more complicated. Even with this straightforward job, he still had to cut through muscles and a lot of blood vessels and nerves. That’s the reason why I’m in a lot of pain after the local anesthesia has worn off.

I also have to wear this band over my wound so that the hematoma would not spread down to my face because of gravity. I may end up with a black eye in the coming days.

He took a picture of the stitches and he used the traditional one, which does not melt, because he said healing is faster via this method. He would take out the stitches next Monday. Hopefully it’s not as ugly as how it is painful.

He sent the tumor for biopsy and will get the result in a week or two. Hopefully, it doesn’t show that I have sarcomas or potentially develop sarcomas.

So the entire day I’m just horizontal. My head aches, not just because I was awakened at 4 am today, but also the stabbing pain on my wound also made my entire head heavy. I drove myself from the hospital with a dull stabbing pain from my wound and I arrived just 10 mins before my video meeting with my boss and my team. When we have calls with my boss, we have our cameras on. Yes, they’ve seen my condition, which wasn’t my intention. The stabbing pain got in the way of my speaking because it distracted me and caused me to to be confused or have brain fog.

I asked my boss for a day off today. I just can’t adult today.

Twin A asked, why did I have to go through this pain when I was told the tumor is not cancerous? I said it’s better to be safe because we wouldn’t totally know it’s not cancerous until the biopsy shows it’s not. However, my doctor is positive it’s just lipoma and not liposarcoma since I described this lump as being there since 2018 or earlier and hasn’t grown dramatically over a short period. But he is still making sure he has covered all bases.

I told my daughter this is just part of my self-care, just the same as my breast cancer and cervical cancer screenings. After years of taking care of other people, it’s time that I take care of myself. It’s possible now to do this because I don’t have a partner to take care of as I have limited bandwidth and headpsace to do all of the nurturing duties in years prior. The mother’s/wife’s/female partner’s healthcare is put in the backburner because she has to keep everything together even though her body is already falling apart. She has to chug along like a train or else nothing gets done. Her descent will hasten if her partner does not pull his weight and contribute to the nurturing part of a family and relationship.

So during the dinner here at home with friends, one bff asked me if I’m still looking for a partner. I said no. I’m ok as it is. I’m able to take care of myself now.

Walk Down The Road

Walked the streets today
Mindless of the way
I argued with my feet
I wanted to go this way
But went that way
Fate had me in its grip
And by chance and grace
Both I wondered why
I suddenly looked up
And in your deep, deep eyes I saw
The smile of all smiles
In my naked wanderings I thought
I heard you whisper my name
And there you are soft and slumbered
And cradled in her arms
Well, I tried to understand
Why you set me free
Was it love or insecurity
You let me be?
I walk down the road
I look up at the sky
Now I know why
Reasoning has conquered me
I can’t and won’t deny the fact
My heart beats a special drum
Only for you
But I’m glad to be on my own
I have never been this free
From all suspicion and the pain
Grown year upon year
I walk down the road
I look up at the sky
Now I know why
Give me space
Give me time
Don’t lose yourself in any harm
Water rushes down my back
Down the water runs
Walking in the rain then seemed beyond conception
But I’ve never been so alive
So much in love with life
And from the grey, grey sky
Fell the tear of all tears
I walked down the road
Looked up at the sky
Now I know why
I walk down the road
I look up at the sky
Now I know why