This is actually terrifying.
I’m going to be 45 this year and in 5 years I will be deemed unemployable. There are indications that my time in this company is nearing its end since I’ve begun to verbally profess my hate for the company and am already picturing in my head the scenarios where I am telling my bosses off. Actually, last Monday when we were dealing with the mess left by one of my reporters, our APAC head again repeated the same thing that she has been yammering about for the last I don’t know how many months. In my head I was like, “if the company really intends to do what it wants then get on with it! But I can’t assure you we would be sticking around because I won’t.”
Instead, I just said:
“And if and when management decides to terminate the current arrangement, please let us know way in advance so we can make arrangements at our personal level.”
Then she pulled back, “Oh we don’t want people to over-react.”
Hell, if she thinks it’s an overreaction, then in their eyes we are just little peons with no voices and just accept things like we’re worker ants. This is not what I’ve signed up for 10 years ago when I joined this company, so I have all the license to be haughty and walk away.
Hopefully, there are no more health issues to deal with that would drain my savings because I am building up my savings for the event I need to walk away without any safety net yet. I had been buying mutual fund units in quick succession the past few days. My cash buffer may tide me for a few months but it would be a very tight squeeze. I can draw down my investments and my car purchase and solar panel installation would have to wait.
Why not exit now? Well, first of all, I need to squirrel more cash in preparation for my quitting. Second, I am draining this for what it’s worth because once I walk away from this, I know I will not be able to come back to journalism. This is it, the buck stops here. And I will have withdrawal symptoms (like what all my ex-colleagues went through) and it will be painful. So might as well maximize it, go with a bang because I want them to feel that I am the TOTGA—The One That Got Away—and regret all their decisions that led to my eventual resignation. I know it sounds like I think highly of myself but my goodness, I’ve slaved for this company for far too long and this is my only consuelo de bobo to myself. This incident with the erring reporter was just a sideshow—the company really doesn’t care about us planted on this side of the world. We have always gotten the shorter end of the stick.
While my cats have been doing their zoomies at 3 am today and woke me up (yeah, that’s why I’m always tired), I was going over in my head my next course of action. I think I should set up another meeting with that PR guy who picked my brains in January. I am also meeting our former APAC head in HK and see what she thinks about setting up our own PR firm under the tutelage of this PR guy, before he retires. I know I’m going to sell my soul to the devil but as of now, I have no recourse yet because I haven’t done my data analytics training that could help me pivot.
Today I am already beyond angry. I am entering the FU-I-don’t-care stage. And that’s dangerous.
It’s quiet quitting.