“It’s like the great stories, Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn’t want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad has happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines, it’ll shine out the clearer. I know now folks in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going because they were holding on to something. That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.”—Samwise Gamgee

JRR Tolkien, The Two Towers

Naivete can be frustrating but you know, Sam may be naive but he sure is a brave, brave Hobbit. The bravest creature that walked Middle-Earth. When the world is so dark and hopeless, he still believed there is goodness in this world. Just like Jean-Jacques Rousseau believed that man is inherently good but was just corrupted by anything that is not natural.

This romanticism makes people think that some things are worth fighting for. For Sam, it’s home, be it The Shire or Middle-Earth. For Rousseau, it’s man and all that he represents.

There are moments when I doubt whether some things are worth fighting for anymore. Like this country. No matter what I and other like-minded people do, we are still in deep shit as the majority still opts to remain in mediocrity and shallowness.

I woke up angry and frustrated. I wanted to email the director of that advisory firm about how abominable I was treated by his juniors. The senior is European and the juniors are Southeast Asians. Southeast Asians—or any Asian for that matter—are inherently nasty to one another. We have a silent hierarchy and unfortunately some of us are the “wrong Asians”.

Anyway, my colleagues told me it’s not worth it and just call it a day. Walk away from my desk. Take a hike. Just don’t work.

Another one sent me this article about leaders’ need to tune out off-office hours. She told me that’s one of the reasons why I’m always stressed to the point that it’s debilitating to my health. I don’t tune out, I don’t let go.

So now I just took a break. I did some errands like engine oil change and car wash.

Ah, I was just ordered to take a story to edit. Will just continue ruminating later. I just want this anger to go away.

I just saw a raven in my forest. I’m not sure if it’s a crow or a raven but it’s big and super black so it might be a raven. I’m scared for our adopted cat, which is very pregnant now. I wasn’t able to have her spayed in time because I was too busy.

After she gives birth, her kittens may be exposed to birds of prey and I don’t know how prevalent they are here in my own yard. I know ravens aren’t birds of prey but still…However, I can’t have her inside the house since Kimchi and Sushi have been having fights with her whenever they encounter each other through the glass window by the front door.

I think I would have to buy that outdoor cat house on Lazada to give them some kind of enclosure.

Shall I buy the controller on Lazada? I’m thinking of playing Lord of the Rings Online, a 17-year-old MMORPG that is still running.