I think I’ve written here about things that have come to pass and the things that have yet to happen have no bearing now? The most important thing right now is living in the present. I think the reset that happened the past weeks prepared me for this. I have yet to completely let go, but at least I know now that nothing really matters except for what I have right now, where I am now.

More tests are needed, adding Covid into the mix made it more complicated because my mom is positive and Twin A was exposed to her during incubation period. So we’re more isolated now until the RT-PCR comes back negative. I can’t even go outside the corridor to walk, to release my tension.

I don’t know when can we transfer to PGH. Until the covid test comes back negative? No MTB found in the sputum so it’s not in the respiratory tract. How about the other tests for GI TB? How about the other markers? What other biopsies should we do??? I have no idea. I can’t retain accurate information because I haven’t slept in a week. It’s rare that I can sleep for an hour straight because my patient needs to go to the bathroom every hour and a catheter is not an option at this point.

I never thought I would be so happy about necrosis. Because you know, as the best friend of my sister (who is also a hematologist) said, the presence of central necrosis is the reason why they’re leaning towards TB. Lymphoma doesn’t usually exhibit that. As a childhood GI lymphoma survivor herself, she told my sister that lymphoma is still curable and if Twin A’s condition doesn’t go the TB way, at least I still have an assurance my child will live. It won’t be easy though.

The reason why everything is inconclusive at this point is because GI TB and GI lymphoma mimic each other. My grandpa died of it because it went undetected until the last moment. Same with my aunt.

I don’t know if the third possible condition, that advanced peritoneal cancer, is still being considered. Or maybe that’s the reason why they need the bone marrow biopsy—???

I don’t know what else…my brain is barely functioning. I can’t think straight.

My girl has been very brave. She hasn’t cried one bit—except for the RT-PCR nasal swab because that hurt a lot. She is putting up a front because she doesn’t want mommy to worry so much. She downplays her abdominal pain even though it’s causing her fevers. She is terrified of the thought of having tube shoved down her throat to get samples in her gut and search for the presence of MTB.

The therapy I went through in 2021-2022 trained me to get hold of myself together. To train myself not to sink into the dark abyss because I’m carrying this alone. Their dead-beat father is—I have low expectations from him so he doesn’t count. He knows about what’s happening to his daughter that’s why he sent money but just enough to cover 1-1.5 days of our running hospital bill.

Whelp. She’s Covid +. Got it from my mom, who is the suspected carrier and is + as well. She came from Masbate then cuddled with my daughter before I got her admitted to the hospital. None of us traveled during the 14-day incubation period except from my mom.

We got transferred now to the isolation ward.

So this complicates matters. Definitely no biopsy in the coming 7 days and it would depend if PGH would admit us after Covid.

Lord, let it be TB because at least we’re already medicating her for that for four days already.

I never thought I would be praying for TB. 💔

Where did she get it? Well, my cousin, who frequently comes to visit or we visited their house several times in the past 6 mos or so, was diagnosed with TB of the larynx-—the most transmissible form of TB—either in Dec or Jan. She didn’t exhibit any symptoms except for hoarseness of voice. Our infectious diseases specialist (specialization is GI TB) also said my daughter could have gotten it from school or her primary complex (which they had when they were in pre-school) resurfaced. Our TB doctor said it is not surprising for anyone to contract th disease from out of nowhere because TB is everywhere in the Philippines. It is endemic.

Yeah, even Filipinos who have already migrated to the US still had carried their dormant TB only to emerge in later years, just like the case of fairy gaymother K’s dad, who was later diagnosed with TB meningitis. At first the doctors were baffled because they couldn’t find the cause of the inflamation of the brain and the swelling caused him to be almost comatose. Only when they tried to test for TB (probably they had a Dr. House moment) did they catch it before it was too late. Because TB no longer exists in developed countries, except when it was caught from migrants from Philipines, India, and Vietnam.

So, our attending physicians are treating Twin A for TB but are not ruling out the other two possibilities given the complicated situation. Plus family history.

I’m getting antsy about the delay in biopsy and other tests. If it’s the other direction, I would rather we start the treatment/s right away.

Lord, please let it be TB.