I was thinking of cooking something with dill today because my dill plant is growing well and might as well take advantage of it. I discovered this Polish recipe and made this for dinner. This is supposed to have 30g of dill but I didn’t put that much because I couldn’t kill my plant, can I? So I limited the dill content.
I must say it was good, it was like a warm hug at the end of a rough day. I will make this again with more potatoes and nutmeg.
Didn’t do anything much today so my kids and I went out to eat at a bakery and have their macha fix late afternoon.
Then we just walked all the way to the salon because I need to achieve 4000+ steps today.
I could have saved money and done this by myself but you know, I need to pamper myself every now and then.
Back at home, I forced myself to be productive this weekend by finally installing the peg board on each daughter’s wall.
I bought this cordless drill for 50% off at Handyman. I know it’s a frivolous purchase given that I already have a Bosch wired drill. However, I find that using that drill, powerful as it is, cumbersome for light jobs like this. That’s the reason why it took me forever to install the plastic bag holder on the wall; it was too much work using that drill.
Because I dreaded using that drill, I resorted to attaching this plastic bag container using Command Strips. Nope, not strong enough to hold it on the wall. After destroying my freshly painted walls with super glue, which was still wasn’t enough, I gave up and drilled holes on my wall.
It’s also difficult to use that tool in tight spots, like when I had to redo the curtain rod brackets beside Twin I’s bed on the loft.
Fuck other people. I’m doing things to please myself. I don’t think I can go back to being a slave.
Beautiful Scars
Broken all the pieces I’ve been shaping lately
Focused on the things that didn’t make no sense
Guess that growing up was never meant to be easy
Yeah, I got used to doing everything sideways
Didn’t really care about how everyone felt
Hiding my emotions down in different ashtrays
Oh, but what is lost ain’t gone
No, you can’t just let go
‘Cause it’s a part of you that will make you strong
Embrace your flaws
I’m not gonna fight back what I’ve become
Yeah, I’ve got bruises where I came from
But I wouldn’t change if I could restart
I ain’t gonna hide these beautiful scars
I’ve been going way too hard on myself
Guess that it’s the reason that I’m feeling like hell
But I wouldn’t change if I could restart
I ain’t gonna hide these beautiful scars
I went down a road that only got me nowhere
I’ve seen every corner, every inch of this place
Being all alone it really got me thinking
Maybe overthinking
That what is lost ain’t gone
No, you can’t just let go
‘Cause it’s a part of you that will make you strong
Embrace your flaws
I’m not gonna fight back what I’ve become
Yeah, I’ve got bruises where I came from
But I wouldn’t change if I could restart
I ain’t gonna hide these beautiful scars
I’ve been going way too hard on myself
Guess that it’s the reason that I’m feeling like hell
But I wouldn’t change if I could restart
I ain’t gonna hide these beautiful scars
Hide these beautiful scars
Hide these beautiful scars
I’m not gonna fight back what I’ve become
Yeah, I’ve got bruises where I came from
But I wouldn’t change if I could restart
I ain’t gonna hide these beautiful scars
I’ve been going way too hard on myself
Guess that it’s the reason that I’m feeling like hell
But I wouldn’t change if I could restart
I ain’t gonna hide these beautiful scars
Hide these
I ain’t gonna hide these
Hide these
Hide these beautiful scars
No
Why are you still hurting?
I didn’t intend to. It’s just when you loved so much that you didn’t leave anything for yourself, it will take quite a while to find the missing pieces, build yourself up again, and heal.
You want to heal the right way.
Would you have done the same thing if you can restart?
No. I should have had self-love and self-respect for myself.
But I will not hide my scars. It’s part of who I am.
Do they still hurt? Yes, because there are still broken tissues that’s why I still get bruised. But I have to understand that there are no magic potions that can make it go away.
Would you go through it again, love like that?
I don’t think so. I don’t think I can love like that anymore. I’ve exhausted everything that I could give. I’ve emptied myself. Whatever I have will be for me and my girls.
You really need to go on Bumble and Tinder.
No, fairy gaymother, K, that’s not the best way to heal. We’re different. I’m not looking for another. Yes, I get lonely but that’s not the best way to go about it. There should be some kind of acceptance from me first, that I may always be like this. The acceptance is not there yet, I think.
So you see, you need to date.
But not randomly! OMG, why do we have to go through this again? I’m fine. Sometimes I’m not but that’s life. You can’t be all unicorns and rainbows all the time.