All I have, all I need
He’s the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands
Still, I’m searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday
I’ll breathe again

Something to learn on the piano this week. I’m losing my mojo. I haven’t painted nor played the piano in two months. My spirit is dying. I need to do something creative.

It’s only when I’m lying in bed on my own
And I wake up and I don’t see your name on my phone
It’s in the moments where I think that I’m better alone
That’s when I remember, that’s when I remember

Every time I walk past your house in the rain
And I tell myself that you were the biggest mistake
And just when I think I’m finally doing okay
That’s when I remember, that’s when I remember

I need to get out of this house. I need to see the sky and grass. I need to breathe.

But I’m still weak.

I’ve been housebound for several days now because of this dratted flu-asthma combo but the coughing and wheezing have subsided today. The girls and I just had to overcome the huge hump that is yesterday when our breathing was so constricted that we had to take turns in using the nebulizer. My mom has been sending us food and my sisters some cough medicines because what I have here aren’t making any dent. I should really stock up on Pei Pa Koa, even the NIH study showed its effectiveness.

When my sisters and Mom were in Hong Kong, this TCM is what saved them.

I should hunt for the nearest TCM store here; if there is none, then I don’t have any choice but to order online. When I had Covid two years ago, it’s another TCM, Lianhua Qingwen, that saved my ass. Well-meaning friends sent me boxes and boxes of these. Another study showed that it works. I was high-risk and it was really difficult to breathe that I had to nebulize just to give me relief even though I wasn’t sure it was making any difference. This TCM did alleviate my symptoms—and to a certain extent my two dosage of Sinovac did help keep me alive but that vax was really questionable since I had really bad symptoms, which I had to manage on my own for 21 days in isolation.

I can’t remember being this sick since I had Covid…Hmm…can’t remember.

Found you when your heart was broke
I filled your cup until it overflowed
Took it so far to keep you close
I was afraid to leave you on your own

I said I’d catch you if you fall
And if they laugh, then screw ’em all
And then I got you off your knees
Put you right back on your feet
Just so you could take advantage of me

Tell me, how’s it feel sittin’ up there?
Feeling so high,
but too far away to hold me
You know I’m the one
who put you up there
Name in the sky,
does it ever get lonely?
Thinking you could live without me…
Live without me
Baby, I’m the one who put you up there
I don’t know why

Gave love ’bout a hundred tries
Just running from the
demons in your mind
Then I took yours and made ’em mine
I didn’t notice ’cause my love was blind

I said I’d catch you if you fall
And if they laugh, then screw ’em all
And then I got you off your knees
Put you right back on your feet
Just so you could take advantage of me

Tell me, how’s it feel sittin’ up there?
Feeling so high,
but too far away to hold me
You know I’m the one
who put you up there
Name in the sky,
does it ever get lonely?
Thinking you could live without me…
Live without me
Baby, I’m the one who put you up there
I don’t know why

You don’t have to say just what you did
I already know
I had to go and find out from them
So tell me, how’s it feel?