It’s really exhausting if I absorb everything that I see and read. I know it’s such a privilege to turn my head away and pretend these things don’t happen. But sometimes doing so is necessary for my mental health, especially today when I read that a former Supreme Court justice who is now the new Executive Secretary defending Marcos’ wastage of public funds (bringing along bloggers and other hangers on) to watch F1 in Singapore. I want to remind Mr. Bersamin that there is a law that prohibits government officials from using public funds or whatever from doing such thing/s. Singapore has been holding F1 for so many years but no sitting Philippine president has accepted the invitation of the Singapore government because 1) they know the law; 2) it is blasphemy to waste public funds (or even private money because the public perception is bad) on such frivolous things when the country has just emerged from a natural calamity and the citizens could barely eat , with the latest inflation rate is at 6.9%.

Oh yes, we’re back to Marcos-era macroeconomic situation = stagnant growth, high inflation (called stagflation), weak currency, and FDIs are disappearing.

I’m angry but I’m tired of being angry. Maybe living in my hometown will help me tame my anger. Maybe the trees and absence of air pollution will calm my very busy mind. Maybe regular cycling around my hometown and nearby towns would help ease the tension I often harbor because I get affected by macro and micro news, about things that I have no control over. More frequent visits to the sea to dive or Lake Caliraya to camp will remind me of the little things that make living here worthwhile.

I no longer know how to use my platform, my pen (keyboard) to help change the situation. They’re killing journalists like me and they will continue doing that. They have already killed ABS-CBN. Now they’re silencing individual media workers.

I don’t know how long I can take this with my sanity intact.

Let me just do my indoor exercises first so I can ruminate. Maybe my pent-up fury can be expended by dumb bell lifts.