Now that the complete admin reins are with me, I have a clearer picture of how betrayed I was/am. I carried the whole team for years while my recent ex-manager was dysfunctional. I worked my ass off. Now I saw how undervalued I am and my team mate from Manila were. Our salaries are really low even when the cost of living in Manila is second to Singapore among the cities in the region. I haven’t gotten a raise in three years. I was so incensed yesterday when I saw that my salary was a little more than half of what the worst performer in the team is getting and his cost of living is lower than mine. And yet my ex-manager kept dumping work on me. I think my ex-manager has a thing against Filipinos.
Of course I ranted to my APAC boss/new manager. I said I worked my ass off for a long time and yet he is getting almost double than me??? My new manager said she just heard about it, meaning she didn’t have a hand in it. Once my new contract comes to me and I still get lower than this guy, I will tell my new manager I’m going to quit and they go fuck themselves.
So during the performance review, I told this slacker dude he doesn’t have any excuse for performing that bad. Considering his supposed experience, he shouldn’t just be covering startups and giving me half-baked stories with no value. I gave him measurable targets and demanded x number of articles a week. I told him that he should be aiming for large caps and grade A investments, not the USD 5m deals, the low-hanging fruits. Don’t tell me you’re running out of companies because yours is a very large market and there are so many things to cover there, from regulatory changes to left and right unicorn deals, I said.
I frankly told him that, “your slacking off for three years is ending. I will be checking up on you every quarter and show you your numbers every month. I expect more quality from you and no more low-hanging fruits.”
He has been giving me a lot of excuses. Every excuse he gives me, I give him a counter-argument. He really has zero excuse. Period.
I’m so angry right now. 🤬🤬🤬
No one is going to fucking undervalue me again.
This feeling of betrayal was similar to the one I had in February when I learned about how the demon J cheated on me, how he undervalued me, how cruel and evil he was. The similar hurt feelings. The anger burning inside me is the same. I told a colleague this morning that this is the problem, I was too nice. I didn’t put a premium on myself, hence, I get this treatment from others.
No more. No more. I will not play nice anymore.
No wonder I was so much of a mess the past two to three years. I was being fucked over by my ex-manager and by my ex-partner. This is unforgivable. Getting abused like that because I was too nice really does things to your mental health. This is the year I will be looking out for myself first and watch my back for Judases around me.
I will just let God avenge me.
19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
Romans 19