“O my gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! He’s a fuck boi!” my bff, L, told me today after I related to her what happened and the things I learned during the entire month of February—the reason why I was missing in action.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m into art therapy now. One sketch/painting a day. It helps me a lot along with the medication,” I said.

“Medication helps a lot if you’ve gone through something heavy like that,” said this friend who lost her daughter to placenta abruptio. She knows grief.

“Wait, he went after a transwoman???” She exclaimed after showing her the FB profile of the slut. I told her that making my children as an excuse for breaking up with me was bullshit from the very start.

“No, she’s a woman,” I said.

“But she looks like a gay person! If she didn’t have dyed hair, she looks like the lady who’s selling bananas at our street corner,” she pointed out.

“She’s a woman. And they fuck each other on the bed sheets I gave him. On the sofa cover I bought him. Basically all the stuff in his condo I bought for him.”

“Gurrrrrrrrrrrlllllll. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. My baby is now more awake at daytime so I had been busy. I wasn’t there for you,” L exclaimed.

“It’s ok. I have my support system here. Plus intensive art therapy.”

He has another one after moving out of the condo we had leased together, I told L. And chasing others as well at the same time, I told her. She knows how extensive my network is. I don’t want to know anymore.

“What a fuck boi. I’m sorry,” she said. “No wonder you keep buying a lot of Ikea frames,” she added.

“Now you know why I no longer trust people. That’s why I’m coming back home.”

Before this conversation with L, I had dreamed about him that’s why I got so triggered and kept waking up every hour until 7 am today. I have to take alprazolam tonight to help me sleep.

I’m so triggered today that I’m attempting do a more complicated Chinese botanical painting on a 5×7 watercolor paper that would require 100% concentration so it doesn’t leave me headspace to think about other things.

I’m so triggered that I would click on that button to buy that Kuretake Gansai Tambi after I finish this thing above.

UPDATE

I’m so triggered that I doubt I would be sleeping tonight so I would be making two small watercolor paintings. I’m so triggered that I just want to sleep and wake up in 2023 and not remember anything.

I want this nightmare to end.