I had a very good guy friend (if there was a best guy friend, he was it) in college and we were close. He was there every heartbreak I had. He was protective of us girls in the group. I often had drinking sessions with him. Right after we graduated he confessed: that he liked me from the beginning, on the first day our block met. He said he was in love with me and he took the same classes I took so that we would be classmates. I was so clueless then; I had no idea. And the reason why he didn’t pursue me was I had a boyfriend who was his fraternity brother. When I was free, he was in a relationship with our common friend. He said it was not meant to be.

So I brushed it off and it was like my rejection of him. I did not entertain him.

But his girlfriend knew she was just playing second fiddle to me and was very insecure of me. Since I was also her friend, I chose to cut the ties with both of them so they can live in peace. I had since transferred to Manila.

However, he was being weird and was sending me weird messages on YM and emails. I had to lie that I was already married (but I wasn’t) but the message got warped and it made a whole lot of mess, to make the long story short. His girlfriend was so angry that she called me names and other stuff on the phone. I don’t know why she was angry when I was the one who was already cutting her bf off. So this gf and her bestfriend slandered me online and so on and so forth. Later, things soured between the couple that they split. This guy friend was so angry with me (and I don’t know why when he was the one who was being weird) and that finally burned our bridges.

Years later, the former gf and her bestfriend apologized to me and said it was jealousy and deceit by the guy that propelled her to do what they had done to me. For me it was a non-issue anymore since they were so far removed from my reality…I mean I was leading a very different life and they no longer mattered.

A few months ago, this guy friend requested to follow me on Instagram. I was glad that he no longer has issues with me. Today, this guy friend reached out to me on IG and asked about my kids that he often sees on my posts. I also commented on his kids and we were talking about kids, his wife, raising children, etc. It was like nothing happened. We are finally mending fences after 20 years. He said when we come back to our hometown, he’ll bring his kids to meet mine.

You know, when the friendship is true, it doesn’t matter how far and how long you had been away from each other. You will still be friends again at some point. Because you respected each other and if you hurt each other in the past, in the end it won’t matter anymore because the ties that bound you are still there.

I can’t say the same for romantic relationships that were built on lies and deceit.

This rose struggled but against all odds it bloomed again. It started out as plain pink rose but now it bloomed into a variegated mini rose.

My flowers survived days after their transplant/re-potting. Yey! The real culprit in many of my plants’ death is the root rot because the water didn’t drain well. The planter’s holes were blocked so I spent almost an hour just punching holes in this one and changed soil. Now I have to condition it with humic acid fertilizer that I buy online. This was effective in helping my dormant roses and mums flower again.

My goal is to fill every nook and cranny of this small courtyard with flowers before we leave this apartment next year. I want this to bloom all year-round.

Slowly. One step at a time. I am building myself up again, mending fences with the past, and forging a new future with new self-respect, love, and appreciation for myself and for whatever I have. Because as I said before, all I want is to have peace and be content.

Time check: 3:42 am. Damn, I only slept for 30 mins. I could no longer go back to sleep. 🤦🏻‍♀️